Week of August 17, 2015

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Mantis

#RallyMantis

Dirty, Flashy Money: Miami & Scamming Athletes

As if being a professional athlete doesn’t attract enough leeches, try being one in Miami. It’s not surprising that con men are swindling athletes out of money, but I’m shocked at how easily careless and shortsighted folks get million-dollar checks from people. In this story, Miami Heat employees even facilitated the introduction between the scammers and Heat players Mike Miller, Rashard Lewis, and others. There is a new money culture in Miami that is the perfect breeding ground for scams. Columnist Fred Grimm (not this story’s author) sums up this way:

“So many of us come from other states and other countries that we seem to lack that sense of shame that doing wrong would bring to someone living in, say, small-town America, where people have known you and known your family for years. What we have instead is a place where someone who flashes money and drives luxury cars and lives the high life can find instant social acceptance.” –PAL

Source: “Taking the Heat”, Robert Andrew Powell, Grantland (08/18/2015)

Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy

There aren’t too many true “Bad Guys” in sports, but I think I found one. “New Jack” was a wrestler in the underground “ECW” (Extreme Championship Wrestling). The ECW was known for being, well, extremely violent. Absurdly so. New Jack was one of the more violent and infamous ECW wrestlers, and he was not a good person. In one match, he once beat an amateur wrestler unconscious – and then continued to beat him with weapons – including a cheese grater, a garbage can, and a crutch, at one point yelling, “I don’t care if the motherfucker dies!” The amateur, Jason Kulas, did not die. And New Jack escaped any consequences. When asked about it twenty years later, New Jack said, “I was high. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter to me. The fucking fans loved it. I thought it was great.” You know the famous scene in Scarface, when a coked up Tony Montana makes a scene in the fancy restaurant and then turns to everyone staring at him and gives his “Bad Guy” speech? New Jack was/is a true Bad Guy. He did truly insane things, but he was also insanely popular, even getting name-dropped by Weezer in El Scorcho (“…Watching Grunge leg drop New Jack through a press table, and then my heart stopped…”). In a truly fascinating profile, Grantland catches up with New Jack and tries figure out what made (and makes) this Bad Guy, who regrets nothing, tick. -TOB

Source: “The Most Violent Man in Wrestling Lays Down His Staple Gun”, Tom Breiham, Grantland (08/18/2015)

A Quality Craigslist Find

Matthew Wallock was trying to find a used hockey goal for his young kids. He found one on Craigslist and went to pick it up. When he got there, he realized that the owners were the parents of NHL star Phil Kessel and US Women’s Hockey Player Amanda Kessel. A nice find. But he realized that the goal could not fit in his car. No matter. Mr. and Mrs. Kessel offered to drive the goal 40 minutes to Wallock’s house. And they did. To top it off, they threw in some hockey pucks and autographed photo of Phil for the kids. But that’s not all! Mr. and Mrs. Kessel then told Wallock that before they owned the goal, it was owned by hockey legend Bob Suter, a member of the 1980 Olympic Hockey “Miracle on Ice” team. Like I said, that’s a quality Craigslist find! -TOB

Source: “Phil Kessel’s Parents are Top-Notch Craigslist Sellers“, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (08/18/2015)

Jason Day: An Unlikely Golf Story

This is an old story, but in the wake of Day’s first Major victory at the PGA Championship last weekend, it’s worth taking a look at his unlikely path to the PGA. Unlike most PGA golfers, Day grew up in poverty in Australia. His father, an alcoholic*, died when Day was 12. Shortly thereafter, the son was following in his father’s footsteps as a 13 year-old. His mother mortgaged the house and sought out help to get her youngest boy into a sports academy. His coach at the academy remains his coach to this day, caddies for Day, and has long been a father figure to the 27 year-old golfer. There have been other challenges along the way, and I found Day’s honesty in this story refreshing (he admits that for the first few years as a professional he played for the money because he’d never had any, and sometimes he likes to check his bank account online just to see the money in there). As writer Shane Ryan puts it, “For the poor kid from Beaudesert who started with nothing but a sawed-off 3-wood, the hard part of this journey ended a long time ago. The miracle was getting to the threshold; the price of a major is just four rounds of golf.” Now Day has paid that price, too. – PAL

Source: “Just Another Day”, Shane Ryan, Grantland (07/17/2014)

“Like a Band of Gypsies We Go Down the Highway…”

Because of political wrangling over upgrades to their stadium, the Biloxi Shuckers (in their first year in Biloxi), the AA affiliate for the Milwaukee Brewers, began their season on a 58-day, 54-game road trip. David Fleming (not of SF Giants announcing fame, of course) followed the team on the trip – which ended up even more eventful than he could have imagined. A great look at a team enduring the ups and downs of minor league baseball, magnified by the longest road trip in American sports history. Long, but highly recommended. -TOB

Source: “On the Road Again”, David Fleming, ESPN the Magazine (08/17/2015)

Video of the Week

https://twitter.com/CodyHDye/status/632331881598464005

Hopefully this kid learns a lesson here, or he’s gonna be grow up to be an unbearable jerk. For now, this is hilarious – as he smarmily shakes off his catcher and then gives up a dinger.

PAL’s Song of the Week: D’Angelo – “Sugah Daddy”

Check out all of our picks here.

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“Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that’s just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!”

– Sarah Marshall

Week of August 9, 2015

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Never not funny.

Searching for The Great Unknown in Alaska

Kayaking the Yukon River: Eva Holland is a solid writer – really enjoyed this one

At 445 miles, the Yukon River Quest in is the longest canoe and kayak race. If that’s not enough, the distance has to be covered in 84 hours. I read somewhere that adventures have now become races. There are fewer “firsts” to conquer. The highest mountains have been climbed. The globe has been circumnavigated – by plane, by all types of boats, even by exclusively human power. One dude literally ran around the world. But adventures – especially ones of endurance – are not about they take to complete.

Holland, an adventure writer from Alaska, has become one of my favorite writers since we started 1-2-3 Sports! She’s covered all sorts of endurance, adventure, and extreme sports, but she’d never experienced what she covered until taking on the Yukon River Quest with team of eight women this past spring.  “I’d signed up to paddle the River Quest because I wanted to experience the world I so often wrote about. I wanted to see the midnight sun set, and then rise again, on an empty stretch of wild river. I wanted to know what it felt like to hallucinate from exhaustion. I wanted to push my body to a point where I didn’t recognize it anymore. Most of all, I wanted to know: Could I do it?”

Holland’s story is viscerally written, hilarious, and inspiring. Joel Krahn’s photography ain’t too shabby either. Who’s up for an adventure?  -PAL

Source: “Hellbent, But Not Broken”, Eva Holland, SB Nation Longform (8/11/15)

2015 Baseball Players: Here’s a Real Brawl

There are so many incredible elements to the brawl between the Padres and Braves.

  1. Braves pitcher Pascual Perez (what a great name) beans the Padres batter with the first pitch of the game, and continues to pitch. Perez is thrown at in all three of his plate appearances.
  2. Bob Horner of the Brave is on the DL with a broken wrist, but that doesn’t stop him from coming onto the field and getting into it.
  3. Fans jump onto the field and get really get into the brawl after dousing the players in beer – always a good indicator of mayhem.
  4. A lot of WWF pointing and posturing, but it’s followed up by legit scrapping.
  5. So many non ironic mustaches.
  6. Bonus: Former Giants coach Tim Flannery is in the thick of it. The dude plays guitar, surfs, and throws down.

Source: “31 years ago today, the Brave and Padres had the greatest brawl ever”, Jason Foster, Sporting News (8/12/15)

Video of The Week: 

PAL’s Song of the Week: Benjamin Booker – “Violent Shiver”

Check out all of our Songs of the Week here. Tommy’s wife likes it, but she didn’t love last week’s pick, so I have to prevent a losing streak.

“Well, it’s sentimental tacky crap. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called to Say I Love You? Go to the mall.”

– Barry

 

Week of August 3, 2015

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An Interview With Mike Krukow

An excellent radio interview with Giants broadcaster Mike Krukow, as he discusses dealing with his muscle disease, discusses the exciting debut of Giants rookie Kelby Tomlinson, the return of Matt Cain, and more. Worth a listen. -TOB

Source: “Krukow Opens Up to Radnich About Muscle Disease”, KNBR (08/04/2015)

PAL: One of the simple pleasures of living in this city is having Kruk and Kuip narrate the sport I so love. I just love these guys, and my heart goes out to Kruk, but he’s a gamer. He speaks so frankly (“It sucks, it does.”), and he remains upbeat and passionate – always passionate – about the Giants.

Italians Are Officially Insane

Look at this sport! Look at it! The game starts and the players just start fist-fighting. Brawling! It’s like a cross between MMA/Boxing, Rugby, and No-Holds Barred Pool Basketball. My brother Pat O’Brien sent me this video last weekend and I couldn’t believe it. Watch for a little bit. Bodies begin dropping and littering the playing field. I found the sport on Wikipedia. It is called, “Calcio Fiorentino.” The rules are stated as: “…the players try by any means necessary to get the ball into the opponent’s’ goal.” They aren’t kidding. -TOB

Source: “Calcio Storico 2014”, Youtube

PAL: I think this might be the truest form of sport I’ve come across. That’s not necessarily a good thing, but it’s a sight to behold. Watch a few minutes from the beginning, middle, and end. You will be at once shocked, disgusted, and enthralled.

What Might Have Been: Jimi Hendrix – Sports Illustrator

Jimi Hendrix was not human. More specifically, none of us shared anything with Hendrix – at least that’s what I thought – but I guess the tabloids are right. “Stars – they’re just like us!” What the hell am I talking about? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has five Jimi Hendrix drawings from from when he was 15, all of them depict various teams from the Pac-12. Check them out, if for no other reason than to see proof that this legend was human at some point in his short life. – PAL

Source: “Have you seen Jimi Hendrix’s college football drawings?”, David Lombardi, ESPN.com (8/5/15)

TOB: As a diehard Cal fan, I do love this. It popped up on the internet a few years ago, and every so often it makes the rounds. I like to pretend he really liked Cal, and the others were just out of pity. Reminds me of a video clip of a Tom Hanks interview where he says he’d rather win the Heisman as a Cal running back than an Oscar (Hanks grew up in the East Bay).

Don’t Make Fun of MJ. It Makes Us All Feel Old.

Teenagers really suck, don’t they? This little chump has the gall to go to Michael Jordan’s basketball camp and during the Q&A make fun of MJ’s shoes (which are dope, btw) with some meme that no one over the age of 17 knew. How you gonna play MJ like that, son? -TOB

Source: “Michael Jordan Victimized by Meme-Wielding Teen”, Tom Ley, Deadspin (08/04/2015)

PAL: A part of me kind of likes this kid – actually – I support this chump 100%. MJ’s fashion sense – including his shoes – is atrocious. This kid’s calling it like he sees it, and I see it the same way.

TOB: Here are the shoes MJ was wearing. Those are nice!

Simple! Clean! Undeserving of scorn!

Story Update: Junior Seau

After much excoriation, the NFL/Pro Football Hall of Fame have reversed course, as Junior Seau’s daughter will be allowed to speak at his induction this weekend. 1-2-3 Sports! pats itself on the back for the part it played in righting this wrong. -Staff

Source: “Junior Seau’s Daughter to Speak at Hall of Fame Induction”, Steve Almasy, CNN (08/01/2015)

PAL: This speech is a great opportunity to honor her father and use the platform to speak her truth. I hope she speaks from her heart, and if that includes speaking about CTC, then so be it. If not, that’s absolutely fine, too, but make them take the microphone from her hands. For an entity as paralyzed by the fear of PR fallout as is the NFL, I doubt they are capable of doing anything in the moment.

Video of the Week: 

Rays rookie gets the silent treatment after his first career home run, but he does not let them stop him from celebrating.

Bonus Video of the Week: http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=espn:13312264

This is a great 30 for 30 short on Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of John, Bobby, and Ted, mother of Maria, and her extraordinary efforts to improve lives through the Special Olympics. It might get a little dusty in the room.

PAL’s Song of the Week: The Tallest Man On Earth – “Sagres”

Check out the 1-2-3 Song of the Week playlist. Tommy’s wife really likes it, and you will, too.

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“Look, Buttermaker, you’re not my father and I’ll not move an inch to play baseball for you any more. So why don’t you get back into that sardine can of yours and go, go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? I’ve got business to take care of. You’re blocking my customers with your car.”

– Amanda Whurlizter

1-2-3 Sports! Week of July 27, 2015

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Yes, that is former NBA star Gilbert Arenas, surrounded by his winnings earned at the basketball shooting game at the Orange County fair. He was later banned from the game.

Ugh, the NFL.

As we are all aware, the NFL is mired in a crisis. The very game itself is destroying the brains of the men who play, which is a bit of a problem. Junior Seau is one of the more famous players to have suffered after his playing career was done. Less than three years after his retirement, Seau committed suicide. He did so by shooting himself in the chest, thereby preserving his brain for medical research. Next month, Seau will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. However, the NFL will not allow anyone from his family to speak on his behalf, apparently worried at what they might say about his death. This is the kind of spineless crap we have come to expect from Roger Goodell’s NFL, but it is no less infuriating than every other maddening decision that this bumbling doofus has made. The Hall of Fame claims they made this rule back in 2010 and it has nothing to do with Seau’s particular case, as if they didn’t institute this rule because of these exact situations. Charles P. Pierce is the perfect writer to tackle this story. -TOB

Source: “Silenced: The Pro Football Hall of Fame’s Junior Seau Bungle”, Charles P. Pierce, Grantland (07/27/2015)

PAL: I think I watched 2 NFL games last year. This is not entirely out of protest; rather, a combination of indifference and b.s. saturation point. I enjoy a good football game, but the notion of devoting an entire Sunday to watching a game I’m nearly indifferent towards just doesn’t get me going. Just take a second to take the following in: The family of Hall of Fame inductee who committed suicide is not being allowed to speak on his behalf for this ultimate professional honor out of fear they will say something the PR team has to deal with after the fact. Cowards. I’m out.

Today We Spell Redemption: V – I – N.

Vin Baker was a really good basketball player that I enjoyed watching. But a few years ago he bombed out of the league, later revealing that he had a massive drinking problem and had squandered the nearly $100 million in career earnings he had made. He was completely broke. Since then, he had been a tragic figure in my mind – one of the those players who had it all, had achieved his dreams – and blew it. So, much to my happy surprise did I find this article – a feature on Vin and the turnaround he has made. Vin has been sober for over four years, which is a great accomplishment. On top of that, he is training to be a manager of a Starbucks, given the opportunity by the Starbucks CEO Howard Shultz, former owner of Vin’s old NBA team, the Seattle Supersonics. Vin was even asked by Jason Kidd to help out with the Milwaukee Bucks’ summer league team this summer. This is a light article on a guy who has turned his life around, and is not dwelling on what he lost, which is a truly refreshing perspective. -TOB

Source: “Ex-NBA Star Vin Baker Conquers Demons and Shoots for Success in Starbucks Management”, Kevin McNamara, Providence Journal (07/27/2015)

PAL: I love this story. I’ve had several conversations about retirement from sports. While I’m sure I’m way behind schedule, I feel like I became an adult relative recently (I’m 33). If I were a professional athlete, I’d be winding down down my career (and earning potential). It’s cool to hear about a former athlete who’s excited and driven by his career after sports (that has nothing to do with sports), and a hat tip to Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz for giving Baker an opportunity. This is a sincerely uplifting story.

1-2-3…Sports…Video Games!

This is a fun article wherein Deadspin writers reminisce on their favorite sports video games. So many great ones are represented, including Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, Bill Walsh College Football ‘95, and Wii Sports. To add one to the list, I loved NCAA Football 2006 on the XBox. I got the game the year after college when I was doing a lot of not much. And I played that game a LOT. I played so many Dynasty Mode seasons I lost count. The California Golden Bears won a lot of National Titles and a lot of Heisman Trophies, I can tell you that. I routinely beat teams by scores of over 100 to 0. I got so good that I needed new ways of defining success – holding a team to negative yardage for a whole game was a big win; anything less was disappointing. Giving up points meant doing 20 pushups, etc. Ah, those were the days. So what’s your favorite sports video game and what do you miss about it? Comment below. -TOB

Source: “And Now, Our All-Time Favorite Sports Video Games”, Deadspin (07/28/2015)

PAL: I would not be friends with this writer: “I played soccer in college, and so I lived with my teammates, and trained with them, and traveled with them, and fought with them, and drank with them, and played with them, and cried with them. We were brothers, always on the same side, fighting for the same thing. It was a great experience, and they’re my brothers to this day, but sometimes you just want to beat a motherfucker through the ground, because you’re 19 and invincible and have great abdominals and want to watch the world burn.”

PAL’s Song of the Week: John Prine & Iris DeMent – “In Spite of Ourselves”

Check out the 1-2-3 Playlist featuring all of our Song’s of the Week – 2 people have told me they really like it.

Video of the Week

Poor kid does NOT want to be there.

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. Oh, no, I said. Disneyland burned down. He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”

―Jack Handey

 

1-2-3 Sports! Week of July 20, 2015

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There’s more where this came from at http://straightouttacooperstown.tumblr.com

Can You Spare An All-Star: Why Loaning MLB Players Is An Interesting, Stupid Idea

Deadspin fairly well rebutted this article here, but I wanted to write something anyways. This idea, by Grantland’s Bill Barnwell, sounds sensible at first. Sure, why not allow a bad team to simply loan out a star player to a good team for player compensation, instead of outright trading him. But could you imagine how much this would suck for fans of bad teams? Take for example the case of Tim Lincecum. In 2008 and 2009, Lincecum won the Cy Young Award on bad and ok Giants teams that 72 and 88 wins, respectively. But those two seasons by Tim Lincecum, and to a lesser extent 2010, made Timmy a fan favorite and gave hundreds of thousands of fans a reason to come to the ballpark on days he pitched. Every start was “Tim Lincecum Day” – and every Tim Lincecum Day brought the promise of something special in an otherwise forgettable season. Had the Giants loaned out Lincecum to, say, the Phillies for a couple prospects, that would have been so terrible for Giants fans. Deadspin’s Tom Let puts it well in the article I linked above:

“The fan experience isn’t the only thing that matters in sports, but it is the central thing, and sportswriting starts to get cockeyed when fan experience is waved off—purposefully or otherwise—as subsidiary to the questions of how to best maximize projected returns on investments and how best to turn assets into still more assets. Those are means; the end is people having a good time watching sports.” – TOB

Source: “Trading Places: MLB Needs a Player Loan System”, Bill Barnwell, Grantland (07/14/2015)

PAL: In a word, dumb. I wish I could add more to this, but Let’s quote pretty much sums it up for me. It is, however, an interesting idea to ponder. I’m curious to hear a soccer fan’s take on this. Fernando Estrada – I’m looking at you. Weigh in on this, dude.

Stop Making Sense: The 2015 Minnesota Twins

It would be one thing to post a story about the surprising success of the Twins (who got mopped by the A’s last weekend when Tommy and I went to watch them, but I’m not chapped about it…not at all), but one Louie Opatz wrote this story. Lou is the Sports Editor for the Litchfield Times back in Minnesota. He is also one of my closest buddies from college and a damn good lefty for our Augustana Viking team back the day. How does Opatz describe the Twins 2015 season (51-44)? With a music reference to the Talking Heads documentary, of course. It’s a wonder we get along. Call it cluster luck, or call it clutch, but the Twins have many more wins than the advanced stats suggest they should. As Opatz points out, all that luck is already in the bank. Luck doesn’t run out. Those games are won, and it makes the chances of a playoff run legit, as they currently hold the second Wild Card spot. -PAL

Source: “2015 Twins Have Stopped Making Sense”, Louie Opatz, Banished To The Pen (7/19/15)

TOB: I’m not terribly interested in the Twins, but it is a testament to this article that I read the whole thing, and I was entertained the whole way. My favorite passage: “…Danny Santana, who’s to fielding what a three-year-old is to painting. Ervin Santana is back from his suspension, which he incurred due to an accidental anabolic steroids binge (it can happen to anyone)…” That’s really good. Also, as Phil mentioned – we went to the A’s/Twins game last Sunday and I got my first ever foul ball! And it was off the bat of Twins’ Centerfielder Aaron Hicks, for whom I shall forever have a soft spot.

Korean Basketball League ISO: Tall Men

Unlike most international basketball leagues that use free agency to distribute American players to its teams, the Korean Basketball League holds an American player draft every year. Players then sign one year contracts, and all American players re-enter the draft each season. The draft takes place in Las Vegas, and it is quirky, to say the least. For example, if you don’t attend the draft, you are not eligible to play in the league that year, even if spots open up during the season. Once players arrive in Korea, the coaches are demanding. But the draft, and the KBL, remain quite popular with American players because it pays well – a few hundred thousand a year, and the paychecks always arrive on time. This is a fascinating look into a strange process in a familiar game, featuring a cameo appearance by former Cal Bear/international rap video star/famed NBDL blogger Rod “Boom Tho” Benson. -TOB

Source: “What Happens In Vegas…the Strange World of the Korean Basketball League Draft”, Les Carpenter, The Guardian (07/23/2015)

PAL: “Starting this year each team must take one player 6ft 4in or under.” So you’re saying there’s a chance. In all seriousness, it still is a bit jarring when I remember that the majority of professional sports are not the NBA, MLB, NFL, NHL, and big-time soccer. I could ask what the draw is to watch less than the best sports teams, but then I think about college sports, high school sports, and – hey – a minor league baseball game is a pretty good time. This story also highlights the financial crapshoot that is a lot of professional teams when it comes to, you know, paying your employees. This is not the case in the KBL, which is why these dudes jump through absurd hoops. Good find, O’Brien!

Have we done too many Pedro stories? I don’t care.

As he awaits entry into the Hall this weekend, here’s a great story of a writer trying to interview Pedro in the Dominican Republic back in 2004 after Martinez was traded to the Mets. It was supposed to be a 24-hour trip. 4 days later, writer Juliet Macur is playing percussion in a band with Moises Alou in tow. – PAL

Source: “Recalling a Few Strikeouts in Pursuit of Pedro Martinez”, Juliet Macur, The New York Times (7/23/15)

TOB: Being a sportswriter does not seem all that fun – and chasing down an interview for four days is one such reason. But if you have to do it, being in the Dominican Republic on someone else’s dime doesn’t seem half bad.

Video of the Week: 

We present to you: Radball.

PAL’s Song of the Week: John Prine, Iris DeMent – “In Spite of Ourselves”

Check out all of our weekly picks here (they’re good).

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

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“I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair. Why can’t I have hair and money, and him nothing?”

– George Bluth

 

 

 

Week of July 13, 2015

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“How come your dad couldn’t pick you up from practice?”

A Giant Pedigree

1-2-3 favorite Jonah Keri, who inspired me to buy this very cool tie that I am wearing as I write this, wrote about how the Giants managed to put together an all-home grown infield. That infield is presently the best in baseball by WAR: Posey, Belt, Panik, Crawford, and Duffy, three of whom are All-Stars. It’s especially impressive in light of (1) the Giants losing home-grown Pablo Sandoval to free agency in the offseason; and (2) team architect Brian Sabean’s previous reputation as a guy who did not know how to draft and develop position players – a reputation that was pretty well deserved for a long time. When you throw in the fact that the Giants have a possible all home-grown rotation (when everyone is healthy) of Bumgarner, Cain, Lincecum, Vogelsong, and Heston, and you start to see why the Giants have been so successful over the last half decade. -TOB

Source: “Grown at Home: How the Giants Built the Best Infield in Baseball”, Jonah Keri, Grantland (07/15/2015)

PAL: Man, did I pick the right time to move to San Francisco or what! All five infielders and five starting pitchers. Damn, that’s cool. This article really underscores what a huge, unexpected surprise Panik and Duffy are this year. Crawford, Belt, Posey – hey – that’s pretty good. But all five? Again, damn.I love this team like the rest of you – and this story only adds to that love, so let me be the fun sponge for a moment. The starting pitching scares the hell out of me. The word “fumes” comes to mind when I think of all they’ve done over the past 5 years. Cain, Timmy, and Vogelsong might well be on career fumes. One more time, guys!

Media: Please Stop Covering Eldrick Woods.

There’s no story here, just a rant: The British Open began yesterday. It’s at St. Andrew’s, a classic links course. I don’t watch much golf, but St. Andrew’s is my favorite when I do. Tiger Woods has won the Open three times, and twice it was at St. Andrew’s. So there seemed to be some interest in how Tiger might fare there this year. After one day, it is official: Tiger is done. DONE. Can we stop covering him? He hasn’t won a major since 2008. 2008!!!! And yet his weekly failures are reported on ESPN’s frontpage as if it is news. Especially in the Majors. He shot a horrible 76 yesterday, tied with old man Tom Watson for 139th of 156 golfers, eleven strokes behind the leader. And Tiger made the ESPN.com frontpage. Sportscenter did a full 5-minutes on him. Enough! He no longer deserves that status. He should be treated like every other golfer: When he is in contention, cover him. When he’s not, don’t. And it’s time to revoke the nickname Tiger. He’s back to Eldrick. “Tiger” is for closers. -TOB

Source: “The 2015 British Open Leaderboard”

PAL: “Tiger” is for closers. File that under “Favorite Tommy Lines”. I agree with you, but no one outside of the die hards watches golf. A lot of people have at least a passing interest in Eldrick’s story. While there is a certain group of people who relish this extended comeuppance after his salacious downfall, I think the real draw is the fact that a GOAT at the front end of his prime (for his sport) seems to have lost it. As crazy as this sounds, 49% of me thinks this dude still has 2 majors in him. While they weren’t majors, Woods won 5 tournaments as recently as 2013, and few sports allow a competitor to play at or near the highest level for 20 years. That, and I’m still a bit blinded by his dominance now 10 years in the rearview.

TOB: Quick point: You think Tiger is on the front side of his prime? He turns 40 this December, so the PGA Championship next month will be the last major of his 30’s. Even ignoring all his knee trouble, which has been significant, that is old. The average age of a winner of a major is 32. Guess how often players win a major over 40? Since 1986, when Arnold Palmer famously won the Masters at the ripe “old” age of 46 for his first major since the year he turned 40, only 7 players over the age of 40 have won a major. That is about 5%. Eldrick is done.

You Mess With The Bull…

Joe Distler was an ad man in New York living the regular life. Life was routine. Then he picked up The Swords of Spain in a bookstore. Then he went to San Fermin. Then he ran. He’s been running with the bulls ever since, and he’s considered one of the best to do it. I love how his story is a balance of romance (“I feel I am part of the herd”) and instruction (“Rules of The Run”). If nothing else, give this story a chance just to check out the beautiful photographs. At a more fundamental level, this is a story about a regular guy rediscovering a the passion for life that’s all so often inseparable from fear. – PAL

Source: “How To Run On The Horns In Pamplona”, Joe Distler, Tru.ink (2015)

“Dunk of Death”

Although the name doesn’t stick, most of us know Frédéric Weis. He’s the 7-footer Vince Carter jumped over in the 2000 Olympics. It is one of the most popular – and some would say incredible – dunks of all-time. Prior to the Olympics, The Knicks drafted Weis in the first round. Despite the posterization, things were looking up for the big man from France, but everything changed for the worse shortly after the Prior to the “le dunk de la mort” (Dunk of Death). The professional embarrassment at the hands of Carter had nothing to do with it. Here’s a story about the other guy in the sports highlight. – PAL

Source: “For Frédéric Weis, Knick’s Infamous Pick, Boos Began a Greater Struggle“, Sam Borden, The New York Times (7/14/15)

TOB: Reminds me a bit of the story on Craig Ehlo we covered a few weeks back. I knew that Weis was the guy that Vince dunked over, but did not know that he was drafted by the Knicks. An interesting tidbit in there is how Weis was treated by Jeff Van Gundy during his one summer with the Knicks: Not well.

Never Change, Marshawn

This one does not require much explanation: Marshawn Lynch was at his youth camp this week and a reporter saw he had chicken wings. Stored in his sock. When the reporter asked why, Marshawn said: “”My auntie fried up some chicken and I had my hands full, and I don’t have no pockets on my shorts, so I just had to use what I had.” So resourceful. As I said: Never change, Marshawn. -TOB

Source: “Why Marshawn Lynch Kept Chicken Wings in His Sock”, Jeff Bercovici, Maxim (07/16/2015)

PAL: Man, this would have been great as an “extra” in the Marshawn Lynch biopic (single tear). Hard not to love Lynch, but – come on – this is disgusting.

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GOAL!!!!! Look at him pulling a Steph Curry, celebrating before it even goes in.

PAL Song of the week: Mike Sempert – “Oceans of Rock and Roll” (great song for a solo drive)

Check out all of our weekly picks here (they’re good).

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“There is nothing better than to be shot at and missed.”

– E. Hemingway

Week of July 5, 2015

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How about our team?

More Than A Game: USA Women’s World Cup Victory

I was back home in Minnesota over the Fourth of July. Coming from large family (5 siblings, 17 nieces and nephew at last count), trips home are delightfully filled to the brim with dinners, youth games, late night beers, errands, and – on this occasion – work. It’s rare for me to find myself in the house alone, but that was the case during the USA’s semifinal match against Germany. I’d yet to watch this USA team play, but the collective talent on the field was clear in an instant. I was into it, man! Without knowing Germany was actually the favorite, I just assumed the USA team would prevail, which they did thanks in large part to two penalty kicks (a miss by Germany and a gift call that led to a USA goal). I expected a US Soccer team to win a Wold Cup match. Have we ever assumed the US men’s team would win a World Cup match?

Many celebratory articles and posts have been made about the USA victory, but Maggie Mertens puts the triumph into a global, social context. Take, for instance this stat:  “A recent analysis by Public Radio International showed that the greatest predictor of a nation’s women’s soccer team’s success was gender equality—more than even the country’s GDP or overall interest in soccer.” The US women certainly made us proud of their victory, but the fact the team’s dominance is a long-earned result of a much larger movement is reason for even more celebration. -PAL

Source: “A Different Kind Of Party At The Women’s World Cup”, Maggie Mertens, Screamer (7/9/15)

Who Let The Dogs Out: A Retrospective on the biggest stadium anthem of all-time

The first “Sports Anthem” I can recall brings me back to a better time. A time when the NHL team in Minnesota was called the North Stars, the jersey was a classic, and they were a team of destiny before running into a young Mario Lemieux and an even younger Jaromir Jagr in the Stanley Cup Finals. The year was 1991. A good year in Minnesota sports to say the least. The song name might not mean a thing – “Rock And Roll Part 2” – but it’s that “Hey Song”. The next song that comes to mind is the terrible, no good, awful “Who Let The Dogs Out”. While the song is brutal, the marketing behind it was trailblazing.

Mercury record executive Steve Greenberg pins down the genius: “Most songs peak on radio. ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ peaked at the World Series. It was the biggest sports anthem ever, in the sense that it got all its strength from being a sports anthem, and the radio was secondary. It was the only hit record that was ever like that.”

But why this song, of all songs? “Herschel Small, one of the band’s longtime guitarists, suggests that the song managed to tick all the boxes that 15 years later are common to many viral Internet memes: dogs and sports and kids.” I hate this song, but I love the story behind it. – PAL

Source: “How ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’ forever changed music’s place in sports”, Ben Reiter, Sports Illustrated (7/8/15)

TOB: This article is hilarious, especially with the producer of “WLTDO” (yes, they use that initialism), Steve Greenberg, trying to defend the quality of that god awful song. “Dogs’ is a really good record. That’s why it won a Grammy. It’s tight, it’s colorful, it’s infectious. There was magic in that record.” I literally LOL’d when I read that. I also dispute his assertion, as quoted by Phil, that it was the biggest sports anthem ever. What about The Macarena? WHAT ABOUT THE MACARENA? I remember being at an Oakland A’s game in the height of Macarena Fever, and even the construction guys hard at working building “Mt. Davis” in the Coliseum’s outfield stopped to dance to the Macarena. I don’t know which song was worse, but I do know which was more of a cultural phenomenon: The Macarena hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (and stayed there for FOURTEEN weeks!) and went 4x Platinum. Who Let the Dogs Out only got to #40 (40!) on the Hot 100 and the album went 3x Platinum. Case closed. Verdict entered for the Macarena.

Bartolo Colon is one Fat, Old, Impressive Baseball Player

He was a Major League pitcher before Monica Lewinsky was an intern at the White House. Bartolo Colon’s longevity is, as writer Dan Barry puts it, “confounding,” even without the fact that he’s not exactly a fitness freak (read: fat), but it goes beyond durability with him. “Consider the Mets rookie Noah Syndergaard, 22 years old and able to throw at 99 miles an hour. In the Colon paradigm, Darling said [former pitcher and Mets broadcaster Ron Darling], Syndergaard “would have to have the ability, in 2035, to throw the ball 92 miles an hour. In a big league game.” Even with the PED suspension a few years back, Colon’s career and journey from the Dominican Republic reads more like folklore than biography. – PAL

Source: “Defying Time and Space”, Dan Barry, New York Times (7/9/15)

Video of the Week 

PAL Song of the week: The Dramatics – “Gimme Some” (Good Soul Music)

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“Pontoon boat? What the hell are you gonna do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?”

– Roman Craig

 

 

Week of June 29, 2015

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How to Throw a No-Hitter and Lose by Four Runs

Baseball is a weird game. We all know this. But sometimes it’s really weird. 1-2-3 Sports favorite Grant Brisbee hits the rewind button and takes us back to 1990, when Yankees pitcher Andy Hawkins threw a no-hitter and lost the game. By four runs. How does that happen? With two outs in the 8th of a scoreless game, it went: error, walk, walk, error, error, including two dropped fly balls that would have ended the inning. That is a weird game. As Hawkins said back in 1990, and again in 2015: That’s baseball.  -TOB

Source: “How to Throw a No-Hitter and Lose by Four Runs”, Grant Brisbee, SB Nation (07/01/2015)

A Gamblin’ Man

No, not Pete Rose again. Did you know that golfer Phil Mickelson is a notorious gambler? A story broke this week wherein Mickelson was named as having bet $2.75M on various sports gambling bets. The money was later laundered, though Mickelson is not being investigated for the money laundering. That story is not all that interesting, but did lead me to some very entertaining Mickelson (and other golfer) gambling stories.

Sources: “Another Phil Mickelson Golfing Story”, John Strege, Golf Digest (02/03/2015); “Money Matches With Phil Mickelson”, Shane Ryan, ESPN the Magazine (02/16/2015)

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea: World Cup Pics Without The Ball

A fun half-story, half-game brought to you by the NYT: Here are some of the best photos and highlights from the Women’s World Cup, only with the ball removed. You get to place the ball where you think it should be, then compare it with where the ball actually is. You also get to see where everyone else guessed where the ball is. I’ll be honest, this is a great bathroom article, but I really enjoyed it. Light a match and get comfy. – PAL

Source: “Spot the Ball: Quarterfinals”, Alastair Coote, Sam Manchester, and Rumsey Taylor. Illustrations by Jennifer Daniel, The New York Times (6/30/15)

TOB: I took the quiz and was very mediocre. I did better than 59% of people who took it, which I’m reasonably happy with. There was one where I was in the 98th percentile. I note Phil neglected to tell us what he got.

Bobby Bonilla Hasn’t Played Since 2001; Is Still Very Well Paid

Bobby Bonilla was at one point a very good baseball player. He made six all-star teams, and came close to winning the MVP a couple times. But by 1999, he was no longer very good. In fact, he was very bad. He was so bad that the Mets decided they’d rather pay him to go away. His buyout clause was $5.9M. But the Mets were very shortsighted. Instead of paying Bonilla $5.9M in 2000, they deferred the buyout for a series of annual payments that begin in 2010. Those annual payments are $1.2M and last until the year 2035. 2035! That’s a total of about $30M, instead of $5.9M in 2000. Even with the value of money diminishing over time, that was a horrible decision. The Mets have been mostly bad for decades, and this is indicative of why.

Source: “Happy Bobby Bonilla Mets Pay Day”, Matt Snyder, CBS Sports (07/01/2015)

Tall Men Play Baseball Game Poorly, Everyone Still Has Good Time

I want to go to the Dirk Nowitzki’s annual Heroes Celebrity Baseball Game. This event has everything. Ryan Cabrera: check. An unsigned Dez Bryant doing backflips: check. Hipster haircut Steve Nash making hustle plays at a charity event: check. Also, this is a celebrity baseball game. No soft-ass softball for this Texas-sized event. Related, how I miss Rock N’ Jock softball. There’s no game better suited for celebrity/charity events than is baseball or softball. – PAL

Source: “A Tradition Unlike Any Other: Dirk Nowitzki’s Annual Celebrity Baseball Game”, Jason Gallagher, Grantland (6/29/15)

TOB: Man, Rock n’ Jock takes me back. I never really cared for the softball. The basketball was where it was at. The Violators vs. the Bricklayers. The 30-point basket at the end of each quarter was inspired, and watching chuckers like Antoine Walker try for it was always amusing, because you know that a 30-point shot was his true destiny. Seeing people like Jaleel White and Dean Cain and realizing that he could really ball was weird. It’s funny that this event was so popular – in middle school it was all people could talk about the week after it aired. RIP Rock n’ Jock basketball. RIP 30-point basket. The WNBA, or at the very least the NBDL, should adopt it.

Alexi Lalas with the Sweet Burn on Bitter Old Man Landon Donovan

Landon Donovan is still bitter about being left off the 2014 World Cup team. He is also an athlete and overestimates his intelligence and ability to be subtle. Alexi Lalas calls out bullsh-t when he sees it. Hence, the following Twitter conversation:

: Love the enthusiasm and veteran presence of despite not playing much. That kind of leadership is priceless during a WC
: Agreed. should have taken .

Roasted, Landycakes. -TOB

Source: “Landon Donovan Burns Jurgen Klinsman, Gets Burned by Alexi Lalas“, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (06/30/2015)

GIFs of the Week

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Jahlil Okafor does not seem thrilled to be a Sixer.

ctbwpt9zjkxjmjgvghwbJeff Francouer shouldn’t be thrilled to still be playing baseball.

“You only get three mistakes, then that’s life, big baby.”

-2Pac

Week of June 22, 2015

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What’s missing?

Blowback on a Whistleblower

This article made me sad, but it’s a good read. We have covered the Jackie Robinson West (JRW) Little League team a couple times now – first during their run to the U.S. title last summer, and subsequently when that title was stripped after an investigation revealed the team had used players outside their league’s boundaries. JRW’s run had inspired many, as a team comprised entirely of black kids from Chicago proved that baseball is not dead in the inner-cities, so people were understandably upset when their title was stripped. Much of that ire was directed at Chris Janes, a coach from a rival Little League from suburban Chicago, who was the person that alerted Little League officials to JRW’s use of ineligible players. The fallout was not pretty. Janes was accused of racism and received death threats, and at the height of his stress became involved in an unrelated but bizarre, drunken incident. Janes seems like a good guy, and he says after all he’s been through, he’d be the whistleblower again. I find it sad that he had to go through all that. It’s shameful that adults would have broken the rules, which only hurt these kids (and the teams they beat along the way) to begin with. And it’s even more shameful that the whistleblower is blamed by adults who should know better. -TOB

Source: “Little League, Big Trouble: Jackie Robinson West Whistleblower Chris Janes Pays the Price”, David Mendell, SB Nation (06/24/2015)

PAL: A must read. “A handful of JRW players had received public congratulations from a congresswoman, a suburban mayor and others who hailed from outside JRW’s boundaries, with each specifically noting that players lived or went to school in their locales, outside the area served by JRW.” Through the first quarter of this story, I thought it was pretty clear. The Jackie Robinson West team broke the rules by bringing in ringers to excel in competition at a 12 year-old level. Pathetic. Although nothing changes that fact, the story does a great job presenting the other factors at play. This is a strange mix of politics, race, alcohol, whistleblowers, and Little League; Dave Mendell does a great job telling this story, but what would I give to read Hunter S. Thompson take a swing at this one in his prime.

Consider this: At a time when roughly 8% of Major League Baseball players are black (down from 19% in 1986), we had an all-black Little League team from the inner city winning the most feel-good, apple pie, American sporting event – the U.S. championship of Little League World Series. Remember, JRW’s run in Williamsport coincided with Mo’ne Davis taking the public by storm in becoming the first girl to pitch a shutout in the LLWS. We had feel good stories at the feel good event of the summer.

There’s no getting around it – the Jackie Robinson West team shamelessly broke a clear rule. They brought ringers in from outside of the boundaries. That’s weak. But the youth team’s rise and downfall unleashed emotions about issues far more complex than Little League.

Don’t Give In To Pete Rose

Most hits in MLB history. Fantastic player by all accounts. A competitive, team player. World Series titles. His play merits an induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame, which is littered with racists, drug abusers, misogynists, and all around despicable people. After all, it’s a museum, not a hall of community leaders. So he bet on baseball. Who cares? Put him in with an asterisk and tell the old man to shut up already.

I care. I’m surprised by how much I care, actually. He broke a rule fundamental to the legitimacy of the sport I love the most. When players determining the outcome of the game gamble on the game, then how far away are we from wrestling? Fittingly, Rose appeared on WrestleMania between 1998-2000. More than the rule he broke, his brazen style of lying for decades really sticks in my craw. He infamously set up shop during induction weekend across the street from the Hall of Fame and sign copies of the Dowd Report (the investigation finding Rose to have bet on baseball as a manager for the Reds).

He continued to gamble. Then he cashed in on his lies and came clean in an autobiography… only he didn’t come clean! He lied in his admission. Oh, and by the way, Pete Rose voluntarily accepted his place on the permanently ineligible list. The Hall of Fame and managing are the two things in his baseball life that he’s wanted and has been told “no.” He’s not in prison (although he did do a stint for tax evasion). By multiple accounts he makes millions in appearance fees and memorabilia signings. So that’s the punishment. Rose doesn’t get what he wants just because he really wants it. -PAL

Source: “Pete Rose still belongs in the Hall of Fame”, Jayson Stark, ESPN (6/23/15)

TOB: Please read Jayson Stark’s article to get my position on this subject. But it basically boils down to: How can you have a Baseball Hall of Fame without some of the greatest players who played? This goes for Bonds and Clemens, too. I understand Phil’s anger, I guess. But I feel bad for Pete Rose. I do. Yes, he’s made millions signing autographs (though that would not have changed had he been reinstated). And yes, he’s not a likeable guy (though that would not make him unique in the baseball Hall of Fame). And yes, he accepted his punishment (though he was always eligible to be reinstated). But come on, how can you not feel for a guy who lost everything he cared about because he couldn’t stop gambling? Presumably, he has a disease, a gambling addiction for which he has paid a terrible price. He’s old. I doubt he has 10 years left. It’s time to let the guy into the Hall of Fame. It’s BASEBALL. It’s a SPORT. It’s a HALL OF FAME. It should be fun, and it should not be taken this seriously. The guy never hurt anyone. He bet on baseball games (there is zero evidence or even accusations that he ever bet against his team or that he threw a game). I understand the need to punish him, so that his crimes are not committed by others. But it’s been 25 years! It’s time. Put Pete Rose in the Hall, write on his plaque that he gambled on baseball and was banned for 25 years, and end this guy’s pain.

When Two Douchebags Fight, We All Win

On Monday afternoon, Sean Combs aka P.Diddy aka Puff Daddy went to the UCLA football offices to talk to strength coach Sal Alosi. An argument ensued, and during the argument Diddy picked up a kettlebell and allegedly swung it at somebody (Diddy claims he merely picked up the kettlebell and held it up in self-defense). Diddy’s son Justin is on the UCLA football team, though he does not get much playing time. Diddy’s camp is now claiming that Alosi had picked on and bullied Justin for years, culminating in Alosi sending Justin home on Monday, and telling him not to return until the end of the summer. This prompted Diddy to go to UCLA to talk to Alosi, and ended in Diddy’s arrest.

Undoubtedly, Diddy is an entitled jackass, but I don’t doubt for one second that Sal Alosi is a jerk and a bully. He’s a strength coach, which is a job notorious for employing meatheads of the highest order. On top of that, Alosi gained national notoriety a few years ago, when as a coach for the Jets, he intentionally tripped a Dolphins player during a punt return. When I realized who this coach was, and then heard the Diddy-camp’s claims that Alosi had bullied Justin, it did not surprise me in the least.

Amidst all the coverage of this story, I found this great tidbit from former UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel, who recruited Justin Comb to UCLA:

“I took them on their campus tour. A half-hour into it, (Diddy) asked me who I was. He said, ‘Tell me what you do, Rick.’ I said, ‘I’m the head football coach here.’ He said, ‘You’re giving us the tour?’ I said, ‘Absolutely, this is my school. This is where I went. I want to give you a feel of what it’s like to be a student.’ …”When you’re weighing the assets of what a youngster can do for your program, there’s no question (being Diddy’s son) had something to do with it for me. Justin is a great kid. His problem was his size. He’s not big enough to be a dominant player. Could he be productive? Yes. The fact his father was an influential guy played into my decision to go ahead and offer him.”

The decision to use a scholarship on Diddy for his dad’s fame is such an L.A. thing to do. And Diddy being on a tour with Rick Neuheisel, a fairly famous college coach, for a half hour and not knowing who he is, is also an incredibly L.A. thing. Everyone looks bad in this story – UCLA, Neuheisel, Diddy, Alosi, and current UCLA coach Jim Mora, Jr. Accordingly, I enjoyed it thoroughly. -TOB

Source: “Rick Neuheisel: Diddy Combs’ Celebrity Led to Son’s UCLA Offer”, Mike Huguenin, NFL.com (06/24/2015)

PAL: I heard this all stems from Ma$e’s son jumping Diddy’s son on the depth chart.

Brotherly Brawls

The Buffalo News ran a long feature on Rex Ryan this week. It’s a great read. During the 49ers coaching “search” this offseason (I say “search” because they clearly had no intention of ever hiring anyone but in-house guy Jim Tomsula), I campaigned openly for them to go after Rex. Mostly because he is a very good coach. But also because he is fun. This is a perfect example, a story of the time Rex and his twin brother Rob got into a fist fight because Rex wouldn’t join Rob on a double date:

They were students at Southwestern Oklahoma State. Rob wanted to take a lady on a date and needed Rex to be his wingman. Rex wasn’t down for the mission because he’d already met Micki, the woman he would marry.

Rob: “I was a solo rider and had a babe on the line. But she had a friend. I said, ‘You know, come on. Be a team player.’ ”

Rex: “I said, ‘Dude, I’m staying at home today.’ ”

Rob: “So after a few hundred beers I said, ‘You need to help out.’ He didn’t, so I was pissed and got in a wrestling match with him. I think he was a lot more sober than I was.”

Rex: “I was bigger and was just going to throw his ass down. But he reversed me and got on top. So we went at it. We ended up outside, and here he comes.”

Rob: “I ran after him, and he had a right hand waiting for me. I never saw it coming. Still haven’t seen it.”

Rex: “I got him good, and it was over. I felt terrible. I couldn’t believe I hit my brother like that.”

Rex was furious and, as keeper of the car key, drove off to clear his head. Tatters of a bloody shirt hung off him.

“I get pulled over by a cop. He sees me and doesn’t know what he’s got,” Rex said with a gleaming-white smile. “I said, ‘I just got in a fight with my brother. You can take me back there, and he’ll explain it.’

“They take me to jail and then called my brother. He said, ‘Nah, leave him in there.’ ”

Rob’s ankle was broken during the wrestling portion of the match, and his nose broken during the boxing portion. When they arrived in New Orleans for Super Bowl week, Rob’s ankle was in a cast. “We both had black eyes,” Rob said. Buddy wasn’t amused.

Is it too late to hire Rex? Damn. -TOB

Source: “The Wild Early Years and the Football Family That Shaped Bills Coach Rex Ryan”, Tim Graham, Buffalo News (06/22/2015)

Video of the Week

Might be my favorite video we’ve ever featured. -TOB

PAL Song of the week: Roger Miller – “Oo-De-Lally” . Check out all of our weekly picks here (they’re super good).

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

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“Just remember. It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

– G. Costanza

 

 

Week of June 15, 2015

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Riley Curry: The Real MVP

Drink the Tears of the “Best Fans In Baseball”

Baseball was beginning to hit the summer doldrums. The biggest story heading into this week was the fact that the Royals might get EIGHT starters in the All-Star game due to KC fans stuffing the ballot (which is ludicrous – e.g., Omar Infante is awful and has no business being at the All-Star game, even if he buys a ticket). And then on Tuesday a mostly-forgotten story got new life: Last summer, someone anonymously posted trade chatter from the Houston Astros’ internal computer system to the internet. There was no information on who posted it or why and the story died pretty quickly, but it was amusing to get a little inside information on how teams valued their players, and what teams talk about when they discuss trades (You can read it all here).

That story was revived this week when news broke that the FBI investigated the leak and traced the hack to St. Louis Cardinals front office employees. The Cardinal Way, apparently, involves hacking and cheating, which is amusing coming from such a sanctimonious team/fanbase. The story got even funnier as details began to emerge: The Astros GM, Jeff Luhnow, was previously an executive with the Cardinals. While there, he created an internal database for scouting, etc., that he called Redbird. When he was hired away by the Astros, he took some employees with him and re-built/ported the system over, calling it Mission Control. Clever. But he didn’t change his password! Some Cardinals employees “hacked” the Astros’ system by simply logging in with the same password Luhnow had used in St. Louis. They’re now in deep doodoo, looking at potential prison time, and Luhnow looks like an idiot (though he sure does seem to know how to build a baseball team. Also, on Thursday, Luhnow denied he could be so stupid and fail to change his password, but the story is much funnier as originally reported). It is unclear if the “hackers” were high or low level Cardinals employees, but either way – someone is going down. As noted, my favorite part of this story is that it involves the Cardinals. The teams that Does Things the Right Way. The Best Fans in Baseball. Etc. It is excellent schadenfreude and I cannot recommend reading about it enough. -TOB

Source: “Cardinals Investigated for Hacking Into Astros’ Database”, Michael S. Schmidt, New York Times (06/16/2015)

PAL: Now that I’ve updated my passwords, I feel comfortable talking junk about this horse crap. I can’t believe it’s taken this long for a hack in professional sports. No – really – I don’t believe it, as in, this has happened dozens of times already but the perps weren’t so stupid as to leave a trail back to their house. Dumb, dumb, dumb. The Cardinals can sit on a tac as far as I’m concerned, but come on, Luhnow! Never underestimate the destructive potential of a person who can’t remember his passwords and therefore uses the same one for years. Do you think Mike Matheny will write a letter to parents about the merits of password protection?

Take a Step Back To Appreciate The Warriors

The most fascinating element of the NBA Finals was rooted in the tremendous stylistic differences represented by the two teams. While the Cavaliers were forced to a LeBron offense after Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving went down earlier in the playoffs, it was a sight to behold watching the best player on the planet put in a position where he must do it himself…and not disappoint.

I’ll get to the Warriors, but before I do I got to take a moment to talk about Tommy’s crush, LeBron James. James is so much better than everyone else that I found myself disappointed whenever he seemed deferential, even when I know that no one has ever logged the minutes he’s logged over the past 5 years (5 straight Finals appearances + 2012 Olympics). Even when he’s historically great, I think there’s more there. Maybe that’s what happens when we label someone as having infinite potential…how do you know when he’s met it?

So we had the best player against the best team. The Warriors were better on both sides of the ball (the top defense and offense in the league) than everyone in the league, and a singular talent was at the center of it all. As Tom Ziller puts it, “Other players have some of those skills. Kyle Korver has the trigger and the aim, Kyrie Irving can dribble as deftly, Chris Paul has the vision and J.J. Redick can sprint around screens for 40 minutes without clawing for air. But no one puts all together like Steph.” In a time when tanking is the way of future success in the NBA, the Warriors won with a roster of mid-to-late first round picks and veterans who experienced enough to put a special team’s interests in front of their own. Much like LeBron, the Warriors were so great this season that I wondered if the team demonstrated their best…while they coasted (in the last 2 games) to a championship.

Rather than focusing on the the events of the finals, Ziller dissects the team, how it was put together, and why it’s unique. – PAL

Source: “Do not try to mimic the Warriors”, Tom Ziller, SB Nation (6/17/15)

TOB: Apparently acknowledging that LeBron is the best basketball player in the league means you have a crush. #hater

PAL: HOT TAKE ALERT: LeBron James is the best basketball player in the NBA! I wouldn’t have considered that, but now that you mention it…LeBron just doesn’t get enough damn credit.

TOB: Ooooh, Phil has a cruuuuuuush.

In Defense of Bandwagon Fans

In the wake of the Warriors’ win, 1-2-3 Sports! favorite Grant Brisbee defends bandwagon fans, and I could not agree more. There’s nothing wrong with a little civic pride/solidarity. I am not a Warriors fan, but I have enjoyed their playoff runs the last few years. The team is entirely too likeable, and there’s nothing like experiencing a title run for a team from your city, so I’ve been on the bandwagon for a couple years now. But that does bring me to an interesting dynamic at play over the last two months: The Warriors are almost certainly moving back to San Francisco in 2017, after 40 years in Oakland. East Bay Warriors fans are understandably upset about that fact, and more interestingly I sense a seething rage from East Bay Warriors fans against SF Warriors fans, especially the SF bandwagon fans. The feeling seems to be, “This is (still) OUR team. GTFO.” -TOB

Source: “There’s Nothing Wrong With Being a Bandwagon Fan”, Grant Brisbee, SB Nation (06/17/2015)

PAL: I have lived in San Francisco for 11 years now. I have worked in Oakland for just under 3 months. I love living in San Francisco, but this city is an embarrassment of riches in nearly every way, and Oakland isn’t. While – yes – the Warriors have a history in San Francisco, I think it’s great that the Warriors won this as an Oakland-based team, and I wish they’d stay over there. While the team is revered throughout the Bay Area, its address is in Oakland, and that means something.

The Agony of Constant Defeat When There is Never Victory

Sports can be cruel. Last Fall, Cal football got off to a hot start and seemed well on their way to a rout of eventual Pac-12 South champ Arizona, on the road, leading 45-30 with under 4 minutes to play. Arizona scored three touchdowns, capped off by a Hail Mary as time expired, to win 49-45. Heartbreak. I went to bed and wondered why the hell I watch sports, why I care so much, and why the hell would I subject my children to it. A few weeks later the Giants won another World Series and I was why. But it’s an interesting question that many sports fans have pondered. After watching his Cavaliers lose in the NBA Finals, Cleveland sports fan Geoffrey Redick wrote about the cruelty of raising his kids to be Cleveland sports fans, and whether he is being a bad parent by doing so. -TOB

Source: “Raising Your Kids to be Cleveland Sports Fans is an Act of Cruelty”, Geoffrey Redick, Deadspin (06/17/2015)

Videos of the Week

-This poor old guy had a tough time getting his poncho on.

Tom Brady’s sweet, drunken dance moves.

Audio of the Week

Angry Adult Softball Related Voicemail.

This is pretty fantastic. I highly recommend you listen, but note that the language is NSFW. I will defend this guy for a second: If Phil and I had a softball/baseball team and Phil tried to move me from the infield to the outfield, he’d hear way worse from me.

 

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“I don’t like jump shooting teams. I don’t think you can win the championship beating good teams shooting jumpers.”

-Charles Barkley on the Warriors, 5 months ago