Wednesday in the Bay Area.

Old Athlete Says Something Smart, Makes Headline

Bless you, Larry Bird. I am so, so tired of retired athletes grousing about how their sport was so much better back in their day. This is especially true in basketball, where for whatever reason each generation increasingly seems to feel that succeeding generations are garbage. Recent examples making news include Oscar Robertson and Scottie Pippen. The 2015-16 Warriors (RIP?) seemed to especially be a lightning rod this season – attracting old basketball player criticisms like flies to shit. Enter Larry Bird – NBA Hall of Famer, one of the five to ten greatest players of all-time.

Yes, that Larry Legend singing the praises of the modern NBA, as not only high quality of play, but entertaining, too.

“It’s funny how the game has changed, and my thinking about it. I was really worried—back sixteen, seventeen years ago—that the little guy didn’t have a spot in the N.B.A. anymore: it was just going to be the big guards like Magic Johnson. But then players started shooting more threes and spacing the court, and everyone wants small guards now. Watching these kids play now, I’m like everybody else: Wow, man. They can really shoot! They have more freedom to get to the basket. The ball moves a little better. These kids are shooting from farther, with more accuracy. Now some teams shoot up around thirty threes a game. My era, you always think that’s the greatest era. But I’m not so sure anymore.”

Hot damn, was it ever refreshing to hear a great, retired basketball player say something nice about the current era. This quote appears in an article considering a deeper, four-point shot. Which is a friggin ridiculous idea. But it does make me feel old – because I do now understand old-time basketball fans feel when they complain about the three-point shot, something that pre-dates my basketball consciousness, and is therefore entirely natural to me. But four-points? FOUR? That’s just stupid. Now get off my lawn! -TOB

Source: “Two of the World’s Greatest Shooters Consider the Four-Point Shot”, Charles Bethea, New Yorker (05/20/2016)

Know When to Hold’em: Sharks in The Stanley Cup Finals

It’s served as a marker of my earlier days in California: Come May, all was right with the world. The days officially longer, baseball in full swing, and the inevitable playoff run of a San Jose Sharks team getting bounced out of the playoffs after a strong regular season. While nowhere near the run of other “cursed” teams like the Cubs or Browns, for over a decade the Sharks found ways to under-deliver to the point where I would take the easy way out and make comments like, “Thornton’s just not a winner,” “They’re not playoff tough,” and so on. Well, the Sharks are in the Stanley Cup Finals, and what’s most surprising is they resisted the urge to blow up the team. Cornerstones Joe Thornton and Patty Marleau, both with 18 years in the NHL, have faced their share of criticisms, and both have been stripped of the captain’s badge, but they’ve always been excellent performers. While their respective roles on the team have shifted, they’ve remained at the heart of a strategy to bring the cup to San Jose. Deadspin’s Barry Petchesky puts it this way:

“But what makes the Sharks such a fascinating roster is that they’ve had so much regular-season success, even preliminary playoff success, with the same players for years now. Marleau, Thornton, Pavelski, Couture, Vlasic, Burns: they’ve been through this and kept running up against that hump. The stars finally aligned to get over it—or at least partially.”

That takes a lot of nerve, especially in the sports age in which we find ourselves. We never criticize the team for re-tooling, even after the re-tooling needs a re-tooling. Sometime the best plan of action really might be to stick with it and dance with the girl that brung ya…even if she has a narsty (emphasis on the r) beard. – PAL

Source: “The Sharks Are In The Finals, Finally”, Barry Petchesky, Deadspin (5/26/16)

TOB: The most important point Phil touched on, I think, is how amazing it is that this core of players is still together. The NHL is not as financially prosperous as the other three major sports, because the TV money is not at the same level. So the NHL has imposed a strict and severely limiting salary cap. It is very difficult to keep a good team together in the NHL. And the Sharks have been a good team, despite the playoff disappointments. There were rumors that management was ready to break up this core many times. And they’re all still here, and it finally came together, seemingly out of nowhere. I haven’t been a real hockey fan since the 90’s – there’s just not enough time and hockey didn’t make the cut for me. But I did watch Wednesday’s game, with my brother-in-law, who is a huge Sharks fan. It was a lot of fun. Go Sharks!

Obligatory Oakland Story: One Reason Why I Like Harrison Barnes

Now that I’ve lived in Oakland for two months, I’m ready to post my first pro-Oakland story.

I’ve had a soft spot for Harrison Barnes ever since hearing him on the now-defunct “The Champs” podcast (thanks for the rec, Rowe). Barnes comes off like a “regular dude” who happens to flash NBA All-Star moments. I like that he’s from Ames, Iowa, that he is a comedy nerd, and – generally speaking – seem like normal, inquisitive dude. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he was the Warriors player that flipped the tables on local journalist Marcus Thompson II and asked to learn more about Thompson’s upbringing in East Oakland.

As Harrison explains to Thompson. He wanted to learn the real backstory from the journalist and the place both of them now call home:

“And I don’t want the bio, something where you just put in all that weak stuff,” Barnes said. He continued explaining his inquisition of my origins. “Why does it have to be the media guy gets in trouble, or something tragic happens in their family, for you to get to know some of these media guys’ personal story? Like Craig Sager, everyone knows his story. But before he got sick, how many people knew him? I just feel like it doesn’t always have to be to that extent before you get to know somebody.”

While the Warriors face an uphill battle to try to get a W in Oklahoma and push the series to a Game 7 in Oakland (you heard it here – Warriors win this series. OKC plays tight on Saturday, and the Dubs win an instant classic at Oracle in Game 7), and while Barnes’ future with the Warriors is very much up in the air (restricted free agent at the end of the year and will get overpaid), it’s cool to see a player reach out, learn about a journalist and the community he’s called home for the past four years. – PAL

Source: “Trading places: Warriors’ Harrison Barnes investigates Marcus Thompson’s Oakland roots”, Marcus Thompson II, The Mercury News (5/22/16)

TOB: As Phil said, I like HB – he seems like a regular guy who happens to be tall and good at basketball, and he doesn’t allow that to change who he is. But he’s been a ghost for most of these playoffs. The Warriors need him to step up huge to have a chance in this series. Fly, Black Falcon! Fly! Ca-caw!

Video of the Week: Wait for it…

PAL Song of the Week: Merle Haggard & The Strangers – “Mama Tried”

Check out all of our songs on our playlist. It’s stronger than Uncle Rico’s arm.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: ‘Did little demons get inside and type it?’ I don’t know! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know – when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages. Thank you.”

– Cirroc, Esq.

Steph Curry Is A Heartbreaker

Steph Curry breaks hearts. Not just the guy who’s trying to defend Curry, or even a team with 2 of the 5 best players in the NBA. He breaks an organization’s heart, and all of their fans’ hearts, and any fan of any other team in the NBA. When he goes off like he did in Wednesday’s third quarter, he makes it really hard for anyone rooting against the Warriors to believe they have a chance over the course of a series. There’s a metaphysical element to it, a collective expectation that every shot he takes – no matter how insane – is going in. That’s why he’s the most valuable player in the NBA.

While LeBron, Durant, Westbrook can dominate, they don’t disprove your faith. You say things like, “LeBron got it going”, or “Durant couldn’t miss”, both of which imply that the great “it” won’t sustain, that the beginning of the next game signifies a fresh start, and LeBron will have to get “it” going again. There are gaps for faith (or perhaps delusion) in our opposition of other superstars, but not with Curry. The next shot is going in, whether it’s the next possession, the next game, the next year. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. While I don’t have a stat for the impact of the metaphysical on the outcome of actual events, I believe it to be completely and utterly at work. Patrick Redford’s story on game 2 crystallizes this point:

“In purely basketball terms, a seven-point deficit quickly ballooning into a 20-point one makes coming back significantly harder. But don’t discount the psychological damage Curry’s bombarding tendencies come with. It has to be incredibly demoralizing to set up an entire defensive scheme to limit the damage one 6-foot-3 dude can cause, only to watch him set fire to it all in two minutes. Curry seems like he frustrates and discourages those who he blazes through, and that has to have an effect on team chemistry and belief. How do you keep fighting back against someone who scores so quickly and persistently?”

I guess it should also be noted that it doesn’t hurt to have a the perfect cast of role players and all-stars around Curry. – PAL

Source: “Steph Curry Will Extinguish You Before You Even Realize It”, Patrick Redford, Deadspin (05/18/2016)

TOB: Tip of the cap to Phil, who just crushed that one. As he mentions, it doesn’t hurt that he has a great supporting cast. But Curry is, as they say, the straw that stirs the drink. During that third quarter on Wednesday, I texted Phil: “When the Warriors are rolling like this, there’s nothing better in sports.” It’s the most entertaining thing going, and we are all #blessed for being able to see it.

Kings’ and Sixers’ Official Twitter Trade Jokes; Both Funny

This requires some quick background: In 2015, the Kings and Sixers made a trade. As part of that trade, the Sixers had the option of swapping draft position with the Kings in 2016. On Tuesday, the NBA Draft Lottery was held. The 76ers won the #1 pick. The Kings got the #8 pick. Shortly after the results were announced, this from the Kings’ official twitter account:

https://twitter.com/SacramentoKings/status/732734203784089600?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Amusing! Less than an hour later, the Sixers’ twitter account responded:

Oh, SNAP! -TOB

Source: “Kings Ask 76ers to Swap 2016 NBA Draft Picks; Philly Hilariously Responds”, Staff, NESN (05/18/2016)

PAL: My lady has a favorite new joke: Whenever I call she answers with, “New phone who dis?” She laughs and laughs. Every time. It’s gone from random, to funny, to a little tired, to really funny. Seriously, try this the next time a loved one calls. It’s so satisfying.

Jed York: Poor Little Rich Boy

I loathe Jed York, so I love this story. Tim Kawakami is a longtime writer for the San Jose Mercury-News. A few years back, before Jed ripped the 49ers from San Francisco and moved them to strip-mall-haven Santa Clara, Kawakami tweeted that, if the 49ers finished Levi’s Stadium in time to open the 2014 football season there, he would buy Jed York lunch. It was likely a throw-away joke. Writers say stuff like that often. But the 49ers did open 2014 at Levi’s, and Jed cashed in the bet, even though it wasn’t really a bet because Jed did not have anything on the line to Kawakami. And where does Jed have Kawakami take him for a meal? Chipotle? Subway? Quizno’s? Some other perfectly Santa Clara lunch spot? No. Oh, no. Not Jed. In fact, he doesn’t make it lunch at all. They go to friggin French Laundry in Yountville, at $700 per person. Is Jed magnanimous? Nope. In fact, he sticks Kawakami, a sportswriter, with the bill. And he also makes Kawakami pay for Jed’s wife, for a total bill of $2,100. Kawakami told the story this week on a podcast and said:

“If I thought Jed was sticking it to me, I’d almost be okay with it. I don’t even think he knew. I don’t think he knew what $2,100 means to a sportswriter who didn’t inherit a billion-dollar team.”

My first thought was, “Well, there must be another side to this story. Surely, there must.” But then Jed York released the following statement:

“The bet took place two years ago and Tim has never shared his concerns about the dinner with me,” York said. “I am happy to speak with Tim one-on-one so we can all move forward.”

Nope. ifThis rich a-hole just decided to make Kawakami pay $2,100 because that is what rich a-holes do. Note that Kawakami also made the bet to Matt Barrows, another writer who covers the 49ers. Barrows was also present at that dinner. Barrows paid for himself.  Jed, you are the worst. -TOB

Source: “Jed York Made Tim Kawkami Buy Dinner for York and His Wife at the French Laundry in 2014”, Grant Cohn, Press-Democrat (05/17/2016)

No Haggling with Legends: Bud Grant’s Annual Garage Sale

For the past 11 years Bud Grant, 89, has a garage sale on his birthday. His garage sale is sort of a big deal. Thousands show up, and there are strict rules:

• The garage sale begins at exactly 5PM on Wednesday, signified by a coach’s whistle
• No haggling
• An extra $20 will get you an autograph on what you purchased

Bud Grant is all Minnesota (U of M grad, lived there for decades), and he also coached the Minnesota Vikings for 17 years (1967-83, 1985), took the team to 4 Super Bowls (0-4), and was enshrined into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1994. He lives in a regular, rambler style home in Minneapolis and holds the garage sale because, well, that’s what normal people do. He sells old shit to help out his family and fund his retirement. What was for sale this year? “Got some canoes this year,” Grant says. “And paddles, and all sorts of fishing equipment. You want fishing lures? We got fishing lures!”

But – hey – leave your negotiation tactics in the minivan. “There will be no discounts. Almost none, anyway. ‘The prices are as marked,’ he said. ‘I don’t discount. I tell people, If you don’t want to pay the marked price, you must not want it very much.”’

Also, TOB – Bud’s a pretty great name for a little boy. Just saying.  – PAL

Source: “Bud Grant’s Annual Yard Sale: ‘We Got Fishing Lures!’”, Peter King, MMQB (5/18/16)

TOB: Hell, my neighborhood had an organized neighborhood-wide yard sale last weekend. You should have come by! There may not have been a Hall of Fame coach, but there are a lot of people who have lived here for decades and undoubtedly have some cool stuff.

Video of the Week

Bonus Video of the Week:

PAL Song of the Week

Pearl Jam – “Smile”

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A Story That Actually Made Me Feel Bad For Tiger Woods

Long ago, on this very blog, I decided that Tiger Woods no longer deserved the nickname Tiger, and I encouraged our many readers to begin referring to him by his given name: Eldrick. But I’m using Tiger here because Wright Thompson wrote such a great piece on Tiger that I actually feel bad for him.

The nuts and bolts are simple: Tiger Woods was very close to his dad, Earl. Earl was Tiger’s only real friend – both as a kid and as an adult. He was the only person Tiger could really open up to. And then, in 2006, Earl died. To fill the void, Tiger sought comfort by emulating his father, a former Navy SEAL. Tiger began diving deep into advanced military training. It began to consume him. It destroyed his body. And now Tiger, at 40 years old, can barely walk. His golf career is essentially over, and has been for years.

But…this article is somehow so much more than that. It’s incredibly well researched. It is insightful, at times poetic. It’s not perfect – more than a couple times I rolled my eyes when it was a little too poetic. But it strikes deep at the universal relationship between a father and a son. And it paints the picture of Tiger Woods, deeply introverted and wildly awkward, as an incredibly talented golfer, who never wanted the immense fame he achieved. Or, at least, had severe buyer’s remorse when he got it. Some of the best passages, shockingly, are direct quotes from Tiger’s friend Michael Jordan, who seems to be reaching out to his troubled friend through this story. MJ sees himself in Tiger, making the connection between Jordan’s retirement to play baseball following his father’s death, and Tiger’s military fascination following his. “It could be his way of playing baseball. Soothing his father’s interest.”

Michael sees the end for Tiger, even if Tiger doesn’t quite see it himself. “I don’t know if he’s happy about that or sad about that. I think he’s tired. I think he really wishes he could retire, but he doesn’t know how to do it yet, and I don’t think he wants to leave it where it is right now. If he could win a major and walk away, he would, I think.” Jordan goes on to say that, like many of us, Tiger looks back at the events of his life since a major turning point and wishes he could go back in time and do it over again. Do it differently. For Tiger, that turning point was his father’s death. He’d be a better husband, for one. But, of course, he cannot. And so MJ hopes his friend, who has named his boats Privacy and Solitude, finds true companionship. Happiness. And continues to be, by all accounts, a loving and caring father to his two children. And that is why I feel bad for Tiger Woods. He has made mistakes, but he is human. He’s a son who misses his father. He’s a father who loves his children. And he’s a man who wants to be happy. -TOB

Source: “The Secret History of Tiger Woods”, Wright Thompson, ESPN.com (04/21/2016)

PAL: We have two depressing stories about sports legends this week: Wood’s focuses on his search for something real in the wake of his father’s death, and Kobe Bryant’s story outlines his decades-long deconstruction of reality in his pursuit of greatness. Both of these dudes are beginning a part of their lives for which they are woefully unprepared. Tiger seems at least to want to find out how to exist in the now; whereas Kobe seems like he just wants to apply his single-minded approach to building a new fantasy world for himself and only himself.

Kobe’s Basketball Obit: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Obliviousness

While walking Maxine Fischer the other day, I heard Ramona Shelburn interviewed about her freaking novel-length story on Kobe. Sounded interesting. Here’s the final story on the narcissist who alienated everyone on his quest to the be a better version of Michael Jordan. He lost himself somewhere along the way, and he’s been rebuilt by carbon copies of things he finds challenging in a really adolescent way: Jordan, composers, movies, hell, marketing slogans. A childhood obsession rotted away any chance of him having any real unfiltered emotion. Because I have no sense of who he is, and because I really don’t think he has any idea who he is either, I can’t find any reason to care about someone so exceptional. That – and only that – is what makes his life interesting. – PAL

Source: “Mamba Out”, Ramona Shelburne, The Undefeated (4/19/16)

TOB: I’m glad Phil’s review of this story was so negative, because I saw the subheadline to this story and just could not bring myself to begin reading: “You’d think after the career Kobe has had, he’d just ride off into the sunset. But really, he’s just getting started. Black Mamba may be out of the NBA, but not the spotlight.” Ugggggh, he’s the worst. Thank you, Phil, for saving me some time.

RIP Prince

I’ve never been a major Prince fan, but I understand why he was an icon. More than that – as I wrote on March 2, 2015 below – I loved that this creature from another planet was as Minnesota as our high school state hockey tournament. Minnesota will always claim Dylan, but I don’t think he would return in kind. That was never the case with Prince, and it’s a real loss that he died so young. A genius by any measure. – PAL

March 2, 2015

Game, Blouses

We all know and love the legendary Prince basketball skit from Chappelle Show. Well, here’s some evidence that Prince (5’2”) was a solid player for real, and he argued about playing time with his coach, too. The team photo alone is worth the click here, folks. A side note: while I love Bob Dylan, Prince is actually the musical icon of Minnesota. The dude still lives there, regularly goes to Timberwolves and Vikings games, and records his music right there in Minnesota. True blue Minnesotan. Got to love it. – PAL

Source: “Prince Was An Afro-Rocking, Coach- Hating Schoolboy Basketball Player”, Billy Haisley, Deadspin (03/03/2015)

TOB: In the wake of Prince’s death, I am left with two lasting memories. When I was a kid, I wasn’t really into Prince’s music. I thought he was a weird, pop star, and I use that term derisively. But then I saw his performance at the George Harrison tribute concert:

Prince absolutely WAILS on the guitar. I love watching Harrison’s kid’s face at around the 1:14 mark. He just destroys everyone. And when he’s done he throws the guitar up in the air and walks off the stage. Amazing. The second was his Super Bowl Halftime performance, in the rain, which is the best halftime show I’ve ever seen, and the only thing remotely close is Paul McCartney.

Bryce Harper: Baseball’s $500M Man?

Bryce Harper is an incredible baseball player. He won the NL MVP last year, in a landslide, at the age of 22. And he’s having an even better start to 2016. This article asks: Has he surpassed Mike Trout as baseball’s best player. That’s a fine question, but I am more interested in this one: How much will Harper’s free agent contract be worth? He’ll be a free agent after next season, and I CANNOT wait to hear the baseball media howl when his contract is announced. Somethings to consider: He’ll only be 25, with likely two to three MVPs under his belt. His Wins Over Replacement (WAR) last year was 9.9, and the going free agent rate is around $6 million per WAR, and going up. Which means, on the open market in 2 years, Bryce Harper would be “worth” $60-65M per season. Now, he’s not getting that much. But $40M? I could see it. The top paid player right now is Clayton Kershaw, at $30M per year, in a deal given out a couple years ago. So let’s say $40M per year. He’ll only be 25 years old. A 12-year deal is reasonable, once a bidding war breaks out – putting Harper’s deal at 12 years, $480 million. And then the x-factor: His agent is Scott Boras. That baby is flying by $500 million. Peoples are going to lose their minds. It’s going to be great.

Source: “Has Bryce Harper Surpassed Mike Trout? That’s a Clown Question, Bro”, Neil Payne, FiveThirtyEight (04/21/2016)

PAL: Whatever the amount lands at, it will be meaningless to me. Seriously, what’s the practical difference between $100M and $500M? Also, with all this TV money bloating the salaries, TOB had a great point the other day: Can we just cut ticket prices already?

I Have to do EVERYTHING?

There’s really not much to this, other than  NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt cleaning his window while hanging out of this window. During a race. While driving. Where you at, Jr?

Also, one negative effect of the internet is that we’ve completely given up on headlines: Look at the title of this story below!  – PAL  

Source: “Dale Earnhardt once tried to clean his windshield by sitting out of his window mid-race”, Mark Hinog, SB Nation (04/21/2016)

Motor Cycle

Cycling and cheating have long gone together, but now the cheating has entered what Bill Simmons calls the “Tyson Zone”, meaning that there is literally no story relating to cheating in cycling that I would toss aside as unbelievable. Here’s a story about riders now putting motors on their bikes. The engineering is pretty fascinating, actually, and honestly, can we just make cycling the Amsterdam sport already? Anything goes. Take whatever drugs you want. Affix anything on a bike you want. Add a joust to the handlebars. Let’s get weird with it. – PAL

Source: “Tiny Motor Powers a New Threat to Cycling Races”, Ian Austen, The New York Times (04/18/2016)

TOB: You know my take on Performance Enhancing Drugs: Why get upset? Why don’t I want to watch performances enhanced? Should players not be allowed to lift weights, too? Players should take MORE drugs! How exciting is Steph Curry? So exciting. What if he was hitting 50-footers instead of 30-footers? MY GOD. I am excited just thinking about it. But…I gotta draw the line at motors on a bicycle. It is now a motorsport, and I hate motorsports. Although, to be honest, cycling is boring as hell, too. So, fine. Use motors. I’m not watching either way.

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week

Song of the Week: Bruce Springsteen – “Waitin’ on a Sunny Day”

Listen to the full playlist there, or be square:

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Hey! It’s our 100th post, and it’s TOB’s birthday. He thought I forgot. I did not. He’s a good dude, as evidenced in this photo with the boy. Prone to debate.  He thinks his carnitas are pretty damn good. They are.

The House That Thacker Built

This story is one of those that I read and think, “This is why we carve hours out of every week to put this blog together for a relatively small amount of readers.” It has it all. Augusta National Golf Course, which hosts the Masters, is rich as hell. There used to be a neighborhood across the street. But Augusta National bought the entire neighborhood, for over $40 million, all told. And bulldozed them all for a god damn parking lot. Every single house! Except for one – the house owned by Herman and Elizabeth Thacker.

The Thackers built the house nearly 60 years ago. They raised their kids there. Their children, and their grandchildren, and now their great-grandchildren come back for the holidays. They recently celebrated their 60th anniversary there. And ya know what? They like the house, seven-figure payout by the rich pricks at August, be damned. “We really don’t want to go,” Elizabeth Thacker said. And so they haven’t. “Money ain’t everything,” Herman Thacker said, sitting on his deck, surrounded by people returning to their parked cars after a Masters practice round, sipping on some bourbon (ok, I imagined that last part). And in the middle of this stupid parking lot, the Thackers remain. Bless you, Herman and Elizabeth Thacker. -TOB

Source: “The House That Augusta National’s Millions Can’t Buy” Steve Politi, NJ.com (04/06/2016)

Hair Matters

Jaromir Jagr is one of the best players in NHL history. #3 on the all-time score list. At 44(!) he led the Florida Panthers in scoring this year, which is 26 years after his NHL debut. Read that again: his NHL debut was 26 years ago, and he’s still a legit player. All-timer by any measure, but more importantly is how his teams’ successes have been absolutely connected to his hairstyle. In short, when he rocks the flow his teams have won; when he keeps it high and tight his teams haven’t done squat. It’s all about the hair, folks. Always has been. Always will be. Sidenote: odd ESPN doesn’t contribute this to a writer- PAL

Source: “Czech his flow: There’s magic in Jaromir Jagr’s mullet”, n/a, ESPN (4/14/16)

TOB: This is incredible: Jagr’s various hairstyles, the weird correlation between his hairstyles and his teams’ performances, and the fact that at 44 years old he led his team in scoring and they made the playoffs. There’s a lesson here, in comparison to Kobe’s fifty field goal attempt, career-ending night this week. Ah, yes. Kobe is still a ballhog.

Seventy Freakin Three.

Seventy three wins over an NBA season just happened, and it is somehow still unfathomable. I’m not sure how the Warriors did what they just did, and I watched a heck of a lot of it. I’ve seen a lot of debate about whether they are better than the 1996 Chicago Bulls, who won 72 games. I dunno. Maybe not, when you break down the matchups. But I do know this: it’s the best offensive team I’ve ever seen, and they are the most fun team I’ve ever seen, too. And that counts for something, as a sports fan. Sports should be fun. And the Warriors, and especially Steph Curry, make me laugh out loud at least once a game because something Steph did was just so preposterous. During the first quarter of win number 73, Steph’s barrage of 3’s even made my wife laugh.

Watch that, from about 00:18 to 00:44…and realize those were three straight possessions. We’ve never seen anything like him before, and so who cares if the 1996 Bulls might be better than this team? Can’t we just enjoy this?

Source: “The Desire to be the Best Ever Is What Let the Warriors Achieve It”, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (04/14/2016)

PAL: YES! I am admittedly a fan of rankings. I like to force people to choose one over the others. I don’t care what the order is; I’m more interested in the why. Why Rubber Soul over (The White Album) is far more interesting than what order they actually fall in for someone. But with this one, TOB’s right – who cares? More importantly, no one knows who’s better, and those arguments are for later anyway. For now, crack a beer and watch and laugh.

Dunk Bounty

I’m not a huge basketball dude, but I bet playing on the 80s Celtics teams with Bird, McHale, Chief, DJ, and Walton was a hell of a good time. Case in point, courtesy of Bill Walton’s  exerpt from his book: They had a dunk bounty on Manute Bol. Manute was a 7 feet 7 inches newcomer to the NBA on a terrible Washington Bullets team (can we bring the “Bullets” name back already). The Celtics were in the absolute sweet spot of their run in the 80s. They were so good that they made games within the game (and I’d bet my next paycheck the Warriors of today to the same thing). Well, Bol was a worthy adversary, and the bounty kept rolling over. It got to the point where the game within the game took center stage:

“So one game, after the Manute money pool had grown quite large, Kevin just kept going at Manute regardless of what the game or play called for. Manute was blocking every attempt by Kevin, who remained completely undeterred. Manute might have set a record that night for most shots blocked on an individual opponent in any one game. Later, I came up with a defensive rebound and threw a long outlet pass to Larry, who was all alone at half-court, on the left side. There was nobody between Larry and our goal. But instead of driving in and making an uncontested layup, Larry stops, cradles the ball on his hip with his left arm, and points at Manute, who is still down at his own basket and completely out of the play. Larry is waving frantically for Manute to hurry back on defense so that Larry can go in and try to dunk on him. Manute was clueless to our little game within the game, but he dutifully hustled back, and when Larry came flying in, Manute sent him and the ball back one more time.”

The Chief, Robert Parrish eventually got Bol. Consider it a performance-based incentive. – PAL

Source: “The Time Robert Parish Won Thousands By Dunking On Manute Bol”, Bill Walton, Back from the Dead, ℅ Deadspin (4/12/15)

TOB: Loved this one. Reminds me of another great story of the 1986 Celtics: They were so good, and Larry Bird was so bored, that he decided one game to only shoot left-handed. And he scored 47 points. It’s probably apocryphal, but that’s ok. Let us live in ignorant bliss.

No, Seriously: You’re a Weirdo, Jim Nantz. Cut it Out.

You just gotta watch this video. Jim Nantz talks about how every year after the college basketball title game he removes his tie and presents it to a senior on the winning team.

He looks so creepy and sounds so self-important while saying it. And, by the way, he didn’t even end the title game with a dumb pun this year! I was super mad at you for not giving me the ammo I needed to make fun of you. And then you gave me this. Bellisima!

Source: “Jim Nantz, a Tremendous Weirdo, Gave His Tie to Ryan Arcidiacano” Tom Ley, Deadspin (04/05/2016)

PAL: Language warning…This is so fucking weird.

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week: Loudon Wainwright III – “Surviving Twin”

Listen to the full playlist here. It’s good.

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Sorry, loyal readers. Life moved pretty fast and we missed this week’s post. But we’ll be back. With a vengeance.

Life’s a beach, bro.

Chris Bosh Not Letting His Health Concerns Keep Him Down

Chris Bosh is great. I’ve liked him since early in his career, when he openly campaigned for a spot in the All-Star game with a series of videos, the best of which is this one:

How great is that? That man has a future after his basketball career is over! Hopefully, that is later rather than sooner, though, as Bosh has been out for a few weeks, and will miss the rest of the season, with dangerous blood clots in his lungs. Bosh also missed a large portion of last season with the same ailment. But Bosh is not letting his illness get him down. No, sir. Bosh has taken up blogging…about beer. Specifically, pairing beer with food. And it is fantastic. A sample:

“Just be careful if you’re eating and drinking outside. After all, when you’re thirsty and the sun is beating down on you, there’s a good chance you’re going to drink more than one beer. But throwing back porters and hoppy beers—any of those kinds with a higher alcohol content—can come with consequences, so watch out for that.”

You should read the whole thing (it’s not long, Rowe). Chris Bosh is so damn cheery, it will put you in a good mood. I like Chris Bosh. So should you. -TOB

Source: “Best Beers for a Barbecue”, Chris Bosh, ChrisBosh.com (03/29/2016)

Jim Nantz is Toast

The horrible story heading is in honor of Jim Nantz’ annual, terrible pun in the closing seconds of the college basketball title game. Why is Jim Nantz toast? Read this horrible story Nantz tells about how he orders toast at breakfast. Nantz likes his toast burnt, which is bad enough. And when it did not come burnt enough to his liking, he would send the toast back. But then he decided that the ten minutes it took for the server to return with appropriately burned toast was costing him 2-full days worth of time per year. So what does he do? He carries around a laminated picture of two pieces of burned toast so that the server can see just how burned he wants it. There’s something so off-putting about that. If someone I knew ever pulled a stunt like that, I would get up and walk out. What a dick. -TOB

Source: “My Shot: Jim Nantz”, Jim Nantz, Golf Digest (03/25/2016)

The NFL Sucks: Lawyer-Zing Edition

My god, this is good. As a lawyer, nothing would please me more than to have the opportunity to really zing the NFL. The NFL is such an awful organization. So it was with great pleasure that I followed this story over the last couple weeks. A quick recap: The New York Times published this story, alleging that the NFL’s concussion research was woefully inadequate, as very public concussions were not part of their database, including reports of zero concussions from entire teams (e.g., the Dallas Cowboys). The article likened the NFL’s research to Big Tobacco research in the 80s and 90s. The NFL’s lawyer’s demanded a retraction, arguing ineffectually, that the New York Times article was false. The New York Times’ lawyers responded, letting the NFL know that they ain’t havin it:

The whole response by the New York Times’ lawyers is great, but this is the coup de grace, responding to the NFL’s lawyer’s complaint of being the NFL being compared to Big Tobacco:

“While your earlier letter to The Times called the tobacco industry “perhaps the most odious industry in America history,” you somehow fail to mention in either letter that it was your firm that represented Phillip Morris in that RICO case.”

God damn, that’s the good stuff. -TOB

Source: “New York Times responds to NFL’s Demand For Retraction, Unleashes the Burns“, Tom Ley, Deadspin (03/30/2016)

Video of the Week

Why do baseball bats break? Why does the type of wood matter? It’s more complicated than you think. #SCIENCE.

PAL Song of the Week: The Beta Band – “Dry The Rain”

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-Mike Birbiglia

Victoria: The Original Sports Catfish

Before “Catfishing” was a well-known term, before Manti Teo and his fake girlfriend, there was “Victoria”, likely the best student section prank in college basketball history. Cal student Steven Kenyon loved Cal basketball, and especially loved trying to get into opponents’ heads during games. Late in the 2006 season, with Cal needing to sweep UCLA and USC to close the season, Kenyon took things a step further. The week before the games, Kenyon created an AIM account – “SexyBruinBabe” – and instant messaged USC guard Gabe Pruitt (Kenyon had previously messaged UCLA guard Jordan Farmar, but was rebuffed). SexyBruinBabe, going by the name “Victoria” flirted with Pruitt, sending him pictures of a female Cal athlete, and asked if they could meet up when Pruitt and his teammates returned from their Bay Area road trip. Pruitt was quite eager, agreeing to meet with “Victoria” and giving her his cell phone number.

Kenyon distributed transcripts of the AIM conversation to the entire student section. The trap was set. Before the games, as the teams lined up for the National Anthem, students held up signs spelling C-A-L-L G-A-B-E, and listing his phone number. The students chanted “VICTORIA”. Immediately, Pruitt knew what had happened. Pruitt was rattled, went on to have a terrible game, and Cal emerged victorious. The “Victoria” prank is legendary among Cal fans. Now over ten years later, the main characters finally speak out – and it is a great read. -TOB

Source: “The Inside Story of Cal’s Catfishing Prank, Ten Years Later”, Jeff Eisenberg, Yahoo! Sports (03/03/2016)

PAL: Mr. Kenyon was a visionary – no doubt about it. What a perfectly executed prank. Let’s be honest and give Pruitt some leeway – there are more than a few among us who would’ve fallen for the same trap in 2006. Fun story that’s worth the read.

Bryce Harper and the Case Against Baseball’s Unwritten Rules

Man, Tim Keown always brings it. This time he tackles Bryce Harper, and it’s a great read. As Keown notes, many think Harper is a “douche”. Keown’s take? Nope. Harper is just really good, and he’s honest. There’s a lot of great stuff here (about Harper as a kid, coming up through the minors, and some great trash talk with a Giants fan during Game 4 of the 2014 NLDS, a game Phil and I attended).

But the most interesting part, especially in light of MLB Hall of Famer Goose Gossage railing against Jose Bautista this week for his bat toss in last year’s playoffs, is Harper’s vocal attempts to bring baseball into the 21st Century. Harper rails against the “unwritten rules”, and I could not agree more.

“Baseball’s tired,” he says. “It’s a tired sport, because you can’t express yourself. You can’t do what people in other sports do. I’m not saying baseball is, you know, boring or anything like that, but it’s the excitement of the young guys who are coming into the game now who have flair. If that’s Matt Harvey or Jacob deGrom or Manny Machado or Joc Pederson or Andrew McCutchen or Yasiel Puig — there’s so many guys in the game now who are so much fun. Jose Fernandez is a great example. Jose Fernandez will strike you out and stare you down into the dugout and pump his fist. And if you hit a homer and pimp it? He doesn’t care. Because you got him. That’s part of the game. It’s not the old feeling — hoorah … if you pimp a homer, I’m going to hit you right in the teeth. No. If a guy pimps a homer for a game-winning shot … I mean — sorry.” He stops, looks around. The hell with it, he’s all in. “If a guy pumps his fist at me on the mound, I’m going to go, ‘Yeah, you got me. Good for you. Hopefully I get you next time.’ That’s what makes the game fun.”

Preach, Bryce. -TOB

Source: “Sorry, Not Sorry”, Tim Keown, ESPN the Magazine (03/10/2016)

PAL: “Is false modesty any less distasteful than outward self-assurance?” Really interesting read that essentially comes down to that question. I find myself coming back to this internal tug-of-war when it comes to polarizing athletes. Why do I care if Harper is a d-bag? Why do I want this completely misguided assurance that I would like the guy when all I really want is to see great talents do their thing? For all I know, Hunter Pence could be a jerk to family and friends, but he’s the consummate team player, and that would be more than enough for me. The likable illusion still matters to me in most cases, and applying any logic to it falls apart in about five seconds. I think is has to do less with self-assurance and more to do with self-awareness. Russell Wilson is self-aware; Tim Lincecum (in his glory days) was self-assured.

A Mullet for All Seasons

We have two sports hair videos this week, and one sports hair story. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I’m borderline fascinated with athlete flair, and there’s no flair quite like sports hair. The MN high school BMOC’s – hockey players – lead off for us. Make sure to check out the video below.

“In all honesty, I was just looking for honorable mention and I got number two.” Humble words from a high school athlete participating in the legendary Minnesota State Hockey Tournament. Was he talking about his team’s finish? Nope – he’s talking about the ultimate honor – a place on All Minnesota Hockey Hair team. This now annual tradition (5 years running) has become legit viral now – so much so that there are stories being written about the players who find themselves featured in the video below. There are so many great nuggets written by my college buddy Louie Opatz, but my favorite detail of them all is this: “Jones had received a pregame haircut from Roxie at Wal-Mart’s SmartStyle Hair Salon that the senior described as, ‘a Vanilla Ice/Kenny Powers look — something crazy.'”

Let’s get Minnesota with it.

Source: “Jones just goes with the flow“, Louie Opatz, Litchfield Independent Review (3/9/16)

Now let’s move to another sport that attracts odd-balls: College Wrassling (not wrestling). There is nothing I can write that is better than what Big 10 Champ, Sammy Brooks (god, what a perfect name) says, so let’s just get to it:

“I think these fans just respond really well to a good haircut, so that’s what I was working on coming in here, making sure I had it fluffed and feathered the right way. I think the fans saw my hard work.

“I gain trust every time my hair grows a little more, and a little more I trust in myself and my mullet, so it’s a process, you know. You can’t grow a great mullet in a day. You can’t win a Big Ten title in a day.”

For cryin’ out loud, check out his video below, too, would ya? – PAL

Source: “Iowa Wrestler Only Talks About His Mullet After Winning A Match“, Samer Kalef, Deadspin (3/7/16)

It’s Back: Hockey Hair 2016.

Yessssssss. You know it, you love it. Enjoy the 2016 edition of the Minnesota State High School All-Hockey Hair Team. Though it’s a video, it deserves its own post. -TOB

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week: Little Barrie – “Better Call Saul Main Title Theme”

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You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.

–Vizzini

1-2-3 Sports: Killin the competition since 2014.

A Lesson in Compassion, Selflessness

Former NBA player and Pelicans head coach Monty Williams’ is beloved around the league. So the news of his wife’s death was met with exceptional sadness last week. You may remember Monty and his wife and the role they played in helping Pelicans’ star Ryan Anderson’s through grief after Anderson’s girlfriend, Gia Allemand, committed suicide. Monty’s wife was killed in a car accident when her car was struck by a woman,  Susannah Donaldson, who was driving 92 mph in a 45 mph zone. Donaldson also died. These deaths were senseless, and so avoidable. And Monty Williams is a better man than I am, because in his shoes, I would be so very angry. Instead, at his wife’s memorial, Monty Williams said this:

“Everybody is praying for me and my family, and that is right, but let us not forget that there were two people in this situation, and that family needs prayer as well. And we have no ill will toward that family. In my house, we have a sign that says ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the lord.’ We cannot serve the lord if we don’t have a heart of forgiveness. That family didn’t wake up wanting to hurt my wife. Life is hard. Life is very hard. And that was tough. But we hold no ill will towards the Donaldson family. And we, as a group, brothers united in unity, should be praying for that family, because they grieve as well.”

An incredibly selfless and compassionate sentiment. -TOB

Source: “Monty Williams Calls For Forgiveness in Powerful Speech at Wife’s Memorial Service”, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (12/18/2016)

PAL: This is one of those situations I’m grateful to have not experienced. When I think about moments of awesome compassion, bravery, or selflessness I just hope that I would be able to respond in the same way, but I seriously wonder. The grief would be so all-encompassing that there would simply be no room for compassion so soon after the tragedy. Also, if you haven’t read that Ryan Anderson story TOB linked to, you should. It will tell you all you need to know about Williams and his wife.

Capitalists for Relegation!

Relegation (and promotion) in the English Premiere league has long fascinated me. In the EPL, the three worst teams each year get demoted (relegated) to a lower division. Meanwhile, the top three teams from that lower division are promoted to the Premiere League. Relegation is supremely capitalistic. It’s hard to fathom as an American sports fan, where fortunes swing wildly from year to year, in large part due to the communist plot that is the draft. Unlike American sports, the EPL does not have a draft to help out its worst teams.

This year, storied English club Aston Villa faces nigh-sure relegation. As this article explores, the relegation/promotion system’s impacts are severe and tough to overcome for a relegated team. The financial hit is huge (at least $100M in TV money, not to mention ticket sales, etc.), and that is just the beginning. On the other hand, getting promoted is great! Leicester City is currently in first place in the EPL, just two years after being promoted (and nearly being relegated just last year). I don’t know how American sports could implement a Relegation system – but it sure would be exciting (and would end tanking once and for all). -TOB

Source: “The Ignominy of Aston Villa”, Elisha Cooper, Wall Street Journal (02/18/2016)

PAL: I can’t figure out a way where this would work in any of the 4 major sports in the U.S., but on the surface I sure do love the notion of relegation. There are consequences to your team sucking, and – Tommy’s right – this would end tanking. That said, I’m passing on relegation for the following reasons:

• I don’t need more “minor leagues” teams, because I don’t care about any minor league teams
• Hope – or delusion – springs eternal. No matter how bad last year was, we can wipe the slate clean and start over the next season. The reset button is fundamental to being a fan. Hope. I don’t like having that being threatened.
• One of the great pleasures of following a team is seeing the other great teams and players come through. I want to see the White Sox, the Dodgers, the Cardinals (the worst). I don’t want to see some Triple-A affiliate of said teams.

The Beginning: Baseball in the DR

I’m always a sucker for the stories about the reality side of a dream. In the Dominican Republic, the dream is ubiquitous – Baseball. Clearly, not all the prospects become the next Robinson Cano or Pedro, even the underachievers can change the trajectory of their families. The photos in this story really capture how far those dreams start from the Majors. It’s about time for baseball again, and this is the perfect first story of the year. – PAL

Source: “The Republic of Baseball”, Michael Hanson, The New York Times (02/18/2016)

Bernie the Baller

Last week, just before the polls closed in the New Hampshire primary, news stations aired footage of Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders shooting hoops.

As you can see, Bernie is pretty automatic. Surprising! It’s only about ten feet, but still. Impressive. This footage piqued a reporter’s interest and Les Carpenter sought out and interviewed some guys Bernie used to play with in a weekly game at a church gym back in the 1970s. The big take: Bernie was good, not great. He had a nice jumper (actually, a set shot). He was bossy and a little argumentative, but friendly, and he had sharp elbows. Sounds about right. It’s a fun read, and there’s a little nugget on how that weekly basketball game may be responsible for Sanders’ entire political career. -TOB

Source: “‘From Mid-Range He Could Kill You’: Bernie Sanders’ Basketball Days”, Les Carpenter, The Guardian (02/17/2016)

PAL: “[T]here is something about the game that reveals the truth about the person. The facades built in daily life don’t always withstand the heat of competition. As they tire, a player’s real personality always takes over.” Couldn’t agree more with this notion. But that shot is ugly, Bernie. I’m sure it was ugly when you were 30, and it’s ugly now. Just calling it like I see it.

Nothing Says Mediocre Quite Like PowerPoint

This is fantastic. University of Idaho sucks at football, so much so that its conference – The Sun Belt Conference (yes, a real conference) –  is not guaranteeing anything after 2017. So what did the Vandals do? Made a PowerPoint to show that they are…not the worst. No seriously, that’s what the PowerPoint lays out. Some of Idaho’s highlights include leading the Sun Belt Conference in the following statistical categories:

• Completion Percentage (ok, not a terrible stat)
• Fewest penalties (really, that’s your second bullet?)
• Fewest penalties per game (haha)
• Fewest penalty yards (this is the third penalty-related stat…in a PowerPoint making the case to keep the team in the conference)
• Tackles for loss allowed

I for one am convinced. Let them remain in the conference! The Sun Belt Conference is made up of teams the teams you’ve heard of play for an easy non-conference win. The teams kind of suck, and so does this PowerPoint. In other words, Idaho is a perfect fit for the Sun Belt. – PAL

Source: “The University of Idaho gave the world’s saddest PowerPoint presentation about its football team”, Mike Brown, SB Nation (02/18/2016)

TOB:

My takeaway? That’s a sorry ass conference.

Video of the Week

Current star NHL rookie Dylan Larkin of the Detroit Red Wings aka D-Boss, just a few years ago, as a fresh-faced sixteen year old. Just wearin the American flag, “snippin” wrist shots in his basement.

PAL Song of the Week: Linda Lyndell – “What A Man”

Check out all of the weekly picks here. It’s super duper.

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Cliff Clavin

Older Brothers (Except Me) are the Worst!

This is a pretty amusing story told by Eli Manning, about the way that his brother Peyton used to pick on him as a kid. That is them up there as kids. If you had an older brother, and especially if you grew up in a house with only brothers like I did, you know this story very well:

“[Peyton] would pin me down, you know, put his knees on my arms. He’d just start knocking on my chest until I named at the the time the 28 teams in the NFL. So I got smart eventually I could rip those off pretty quickly. We went college divisions, different things and then if he just wanted to make me cry he’d say, ‘Name ten brands of cigarettes.’ I’m like, ‘I’m seven years old I haven’t started smoking cigarettes quite yet,’ but that’s when I’d just start yelling for mom.”

Been there, Eli. My older brother would do the same, but he’d sing the ABCs and knock me on the chest one time for each letter. And then he’d get to X and pretend to lose his place and start over. Thanks, Sean. Justice came one summer day when my dad came home at lunch time for some reason and caught Sean in the act. -TOB

Source: “Young Peyton Had a Very Specific Way of Picking on a Younger Eli”, Mike Florio, Pro Football Talk (02/10/2016)

PAL: Shenanigans like this never happened in the Lang house. My older brothers supported me, mentored me on my spiritual journey…except that time Matt locked my in the hope chest in the family room. I had a bit of the ol’ claustrophobia as a child, you see. He and Libby laughed and laughed while I freaked out in a freaking hope chest. I could have died, Matt.

World Class Athletes & Working Stiffs: The Mavericks Lineup

It’s official: the Mavericks surf competition is going off today! I was lucky enough to work with some of the surfers competing this year to put together their surfing playlists a few months ago (check out their playlists here). In meeting them, I had to remind myself these are serious badasses. They aren’t big, they aren’t rich, and their ages range from teens to late forties. You wouldn’t be able to pick them out of lineup. Yet, in some folks eyes these unknowns are every bit the world class athlete as LeBron James. Is what they do any less impressive? Nope. And, you know, the chances of them being busted in half every time they drop into a wave is a bit more daunting than an Andrew Bogut foul. Here’s a nice summary of these extraordinary average joes and what they do for their day job. – PAL

Source: “Big-wave surfing: Meet the working stiffs of Mavericks”, Elliott Almond, San Jose Mercury News (02/11/2016)

You Gotta Fight For Your Right to…PB&J?

NBA players have really weird eating habits. If you’ve ever read ESPN’s True Hoop blog, you may have noticed that Henry Abbott like to point out all the times NBA players mention that the Cheesecake factory is their favorite place to eat. The Cheesecake Factory kinda sucks – the menu is way too huge – a jack of all trades, master of none situation. But for NBA players, on the road much of the year – it makes sense. If you want to eat dinner with six of your teammates, it’s a good place to ensure there is something for everyone. Plus, the portions are huge. And it is in every major or mid-major city in the country, and the food is consistent.

I thought of the NBA player/Cheesecake Factory thing when I read this bizarre story about the Warriors this week. After winning the title in June, the Warriors overhauled their diet/exercise program for the players. Gone were cookies, candy, and sodas from the training table and charter flights. Also gone were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This would be very inoffensive to me. PB&J is alright. I liked them as a kid. As an adult? Man, that’s a boring meal!

“Contrary to popular belief, peanut butter and jelly have no visible feelings for each other.”

But the Warriors players, amidst their all-time best 48-4 start to the season, were in near-revolt, led loudly by assistant coach Luke Walton and quietly by MVP Steph Curry. Did they get their PB&J back? Click the link to find out. This article is really funny. -TOB

Source: “How Golden State Went to War Over Peanut Butter and Jelly”, Ben Cohen, Wall Street Journal (02/01/2016)

Quiz Break! You be the judge: Catch or No Catch

Last football story of the year for me. We’ve all watched enough football, and after the last couple of years, I think we can all admit that we really don’t know what constitutes a catch in the NFL. Even TOB, who I hate to admit knows most of the rules in the major sports, was proven wrong while watching the Pittsburgh – Cincinnati playoff game.

Time to test your skills, folks. Watch these catches, vote catch or no catch, and see if you know as much as NFL officials. Just kidding – they have no idea what a catch is either. – PAL

Source, “Catch. No Catch. You Make the Call”, John Branch, The New York Times (02/01/2016)

TOB: True, when we were watching live, I said no catch on that front flip/butt catch by Martavis Bryant. It was ruled a catch. However, from the article:

“In a telling example of the confusion that this issue has caused, the N.F.L.’s vice president for officiating, Dean Blandino, said the next day, “I don’t think this is a catch.” The ball appeared to be out of his control as Bryant took his steps before flying out of bounds, Blandino said, but there was not enough evidence to overturn the touchdown call by officials on the field.”

I got a 5 out of 7 on the quiz – but it was really a 6 out of 7, because I remembered the Larry Fitzgerald catch and selected “no catch” on purpose, out of protest, because that was not a god damn catch.

PAL: It wasn’t 6 out of 7. You scored 5 out of 7. There is no grey. If you want to protest, then do it on your own time. We’re trying to run a goddamn sports blog here.

Video of the Week

Eli’s reaction to Peyton winning his second Super Bowl, bringing them even:

PAL Song of the Week: Bob Dylan – “On A Night Like This”

Check out the entire playlist of weekly picks here. It will bring you virility and wealth. Oh, and a spiritual awakening. That, too.

“What’s the guy, 40 years old? He’s got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?”

-LD