Glad to be a Charlie Brown. Happy Birthday, Dad! -TOB

Twins.com

This is one of the funniest stories I’ve ever read. Durland and Darvin are twins. In 1995 they registered for the URL twins.com. In the 20 years since, all but 3 URLs for MLB baseball teams have been secured by the MLB. The holdouts: The Giants (football team got that one), the Rays (a restaurant in Seattle has that one), and the Twins. While the Giants and Rays situations make sense, the Twins URL makes for a great, absurd, hilarious story. I don’t want to spoil too many tidbits about these brothers – remember, their names are Durland and Darvin – but here are a couple teasers:

• Aside from living together, at one point they had complementary black and a white humvees.
• They were in a successful San Francisco band…a “copy” band of course, and nearly made the finals of a national Battle of the Bands in the early 80s against eventual winner…Bon Jovi.

I want a 30 for 30 doc on these brothers, and I want it now. – PAL

Source: “The Website MLB Couldn’t Buy”, Ben Lindburgh, Grantland (8/27/15)

TOB: I cannot recommend this story highly enough. It is completely absurd and I laughed out loud at least a half dozen times.

Under Armour & Maryland: The Next Oregon?

With Under Armour supplanting Adidas as the second largest sports apparel company, its founder and University of Maryland alumnus Kevin Plank is following in the footsteps of Nike’s Phil Knight. Like Knight has done for Oregon, Plank is putting big money into the University of Maryland. Under Armour recently signed a 10-year extension giving the university $33M in cash and gear. Additionally, Plank personally donated $25M for renovations to Cole Field House, which will house an entrepreneurship academy, the sports medicine department, and the Terrapin Performance Center. Money no doubt lifts athletic programs success, and billionaire alumni like Knight, T. Boone Pickens at Oklahoma State, and Plank serve as proof. It will be interesting how soon the investment will pay off at Maryland as a newcomer to a Big 10 Conference that includes the likes of financial giants Michigan and Ohio State, whose annual athletic departments’ budgets exceed $100M. – PAL

Source: “Under Armour Seeks to Do for Maryland What Nike Did for Oregon”, Marc Tracy, New York Times (8/25/15)

College Sports: Too Big to Fail?

It’s been a bad couple of weeks for college football, and it is clear that major college sports are completely broken. As this Newsweek points out, college football is under siege on at least three fronts: (1) the dangers of playing football; (2) whether football players are employees and whether they should be paid; and (3) the value of education to a football player. There are a number of stories over the last two weeks illustrating these points: To wit:

• After the NLRB rejected Northwestern players’ bid to unionize, Deadspin went in-depth on the negative ramifications for former Wildcats QB Cain Colter’s spearheading of the attempt. Unsurprisingly, Colter was ostracized by the Athletic Department and has suffered greatly.
• In the article Phil discussed above, it is noted that $25M of the funds for the renovations to Cole Field House are coming from the State. Former student leaders wrote an op-ed objecting to this use of State funds, but their complaints fell on deaf ears.
• Against near-unanimous consensus from the faculty, Auburn’s athletic department convinced the University administration to not eliminate the “Public Administration” major, a fluff major in which roughly half of the students were athletes. The athletic department saved the major by offering to directly pay Public Administration faculty and staff. That is insane. The chairman of Auburn’s economics department said that the athletic department at Auburn is so powerful that it operates like a “second university.” Auburn is not unique in this regard.
• While reading about the drunken speech that USC head coach Steve Sarkisian gave at a booster event over the weekend, I was reminded of former Michigan football coach Gary Moeller’s firing back in 1995. Out of curiosity, I found an old article from the time. The article noted that Moeller’s salary was $130,000. Adjusted for inflation, that is $203,000. In contrast, last December Michigan hired Jim Harbaugh at its new head coach, at a salary of $7 million. That is approximately 35x more than Moeller’s inflation-adjusted salary.
• This year, for the first time, college football players are being paid a small amount of money for “incidentals”. They receive a few thousand dollars for the year. What did some college coaches attempt to do? Institute a system to fine players of that cash for minor transgressions, of course. Look at this crap. $50 for a dirty dorm room. $50 for a dirty locker. $10 for missing breakfast.  Virginia Tech wasted no time in implementing their fines, (when word got out the University quickly put a stop to it). Cincinnati wasted no time, either. These kids finally get a little pocket change (what amounts to less than $100/week), and millionaire coaches immediately start trying to take it away.
• Football players at Idaho were caught shoplifting. Their head coach, Paul Petrino, made it go away in the most shady way possible, actively interfering with a police investigation.
• Baylor football player Sam Ukwuachu was convicted of sexual assault. Ukwuachu had transferred from Boise State after he was dismissed from the team for beating up his girlfriend. After the conviction, Baylor head coach Art Briles said he had no idea about the violent incident that led Ukwuachu to transfer from Boise State. Washington head coach Chris Petersen, who was the Boise State coach at the time of Ukwuachu’s transfer to Baylor, released a statement directly contradicting Briles’ contention. Petersen said that he personally called Briles and told Briles exactly why Ukwuachu was dismissed. The two went back and forth in the media for a couple days.

Every single one of these stories is embarrassing for the NCAA, and this was not an unusual week in terms of the number of embarrassing stories. I don’t know how we fix college sports, but the amount of money involved seems to be the root of the problem. There is so much money at stake that corners are going to be cut. That’s not ok, but it seems as though college sports are “too big to fail” and major changes are not coming anytime soon. -TOB

Source: “College Football Under Fire From Three Sides”, Glenn Altschuler, Newsweek (08/22/2015)

When Keeping It Jeter Goes Wrong

Russell Wilson is a corporate shill, devoid of personality, only serving as a vessel to endorse products. He is Derek Jeter 2.0 (in the least surprising news of the week, Jeter is Wilson’s role model). But that harmless and boring vacantness took a turn for the irresponsible this week, when Wilson, on both Twitter and an article in Rolling Stone, touted “Recovery Water”, a product for which Wilson is an investor, as helping him to prevent a concussion in last year’s NFC Championship game.

Wilson is an investor in Reliant Recovery Water, a $3-per-bottle concoction with nanobubbles and electrolytes that purportedly helps people recover quickly from workouts and, according to Wilson, injury. He mentions a teammate whose knee healed miraculously, and then he shares his own testimonial. “I banged my head during the Packers game in the playoffs, and the next day I was fine,” says Wilson. “It was the water.” Rodgers offers a hasty interjection. “Well, we’re not saying we have real medical proof.” But Wilson shakes his head, energized by the subject. He speaks with an evangelist’s zeal. “I know it works.” His eyes brighten. “Soon you’re going to be able to order it straight from Amazon.”

Recovery Water is freaking sparkling water, not a miracle cure for anything. In this article, brain researchers and doctors take Wilson to task for his irresponsible claim. Wilson is the worst. -TOB

Source: “Russell Wilson Claims His New Water Heals Concussions. That’s Corny and Dangerous”, Adam Kilgore, Washington Post (08/27/2015)

Video of the Week

New life goal: Make one of these compilations.

PAL’s song of the week: Bahamas – “Lost In The Light”

Check out our playlist here. It’s good.

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

Email: 123sportslist@gmail.com

Yes, that is former NBA star Gilbert Arenas, surrounded by his winnings earned at the basketball shooting game at the Orange County fair. He was later banned from the game.

Ugh, the NFL.

As we are all aware, the NFL is mired in a crisis. The very game itself is destroying the brains of the men who play, which is a bit of a problem. Junior Seau is one of the more famous players to have suffered after his playing career was done. Less than three years after his retirement, Seau committed suicide. He did so by shooting himself in the chest, thereby preserving his brain for medical research. Next month, Seau will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. However, the NFL will not allow anyone from his family to speak on his behalf, apparently worried at what they might say about his death. This is the kind of spineless crap we have come to expect from Roger Goodell’s NFL, but it is no less infuriating than every other maddening decision that this bumbling doofus has made. The Hall of Fame claims they made this rule back in 2010 and it has nothing to do with Seau’s particular case, as if they didn’t institute this rule because of these exact situations. Charles P. Pierce is the perfect writer to tackle this story. -TOB

Source: “Silenced: The Pro Football Hall of Fame’s Junior Seau Bungle”, Charles P. Pierce, Grantland (07/27/2015)

PAL: I think I watched 2 NFL games last year. This is not entirely out of protest; rather, a combination of indifference and b.s. saturation point. I enjoy a good football game, but the notion of devoting an entire Sunday to watching a game I’m nearly indifferent towards just doesn’t get me going. Just take a second to take the following in: The family of Hall of Fame inductee who committed suicide is not being allowed to speak on his behalf for this ultimate professional honor out of fear they will say something the PR team has to deal with after the fact. Cowards. I’m out.

Today We Spell Redemption: V – I – N.

Vin Baker was a really good basketball player that I enjoyed watching. But a few years ago he bombed out of the league, later revealing that he had a massive drinking problem and had squandered the nearly $100 million in career earnings he had made. He was completely broke. Since then, he had been a tragic figure in my mind – one of the those players who had it all, had achieved his dreams – and blew it. So, much to my happy surprise did I find this article – a feature on Vin and the turnaround he has made. Vin has been sober for over four years, which is a great accomplishment. On top of that, he is training to be a manager of a Starbucks, given the opportunity by the Starbucks CEO Howard Shultz, former owner of Vin’s old NBA team, the Seattle Supersonics. Vin was even asked by Jason Kidd to help out with the Milwaukee Bucks’ summer league team this summer. This is a light article on a guy who has turned his life around, and is not dwelling on what he lost, which is a truly refreshing perspective. -TOB

Source: “Ex-NBA Star Vin Baker Conquers Demons and Shoots for Success in Starbucks Management”, Kevin McNamara, Providence Journal (07/27/2015)

PAL: I love this story. I’ve had several conversations about retirement from sports. While I’m sure I’m way behind schedule, I feel like I became an adult relative recently (I’m 33). If I were a professional athlete, I’d be winding down down my career (and earning potential). It’s cool to hear about a former athlete who’s excited and driven by his career after sports (that has nothing to do with sports), and a hat tip to Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz for giving Baker an opportunity. This is a sincerely uplifting story.

1-2-3…Sports…Video Games!

This is a fun article wherein Deadspin writers reminisce on their favorite sports video games. So many great ones are represented, including Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, Bill Walsh College Football ‘95, and Wii Sports. To add one to the list, I loved NCAA Football 2006 on the XBox. I got the game the year after college when I was doing a lot of not much. And I played that game a LOT. I played so many Dynasty Mode seasons I lost count. The California Golden Bears won a lot of National Titles and a lot of Heisman Trophies, I can tell you that. I routinely beat teams by scores of over 100 to 0. I got so good that I needed new ways of defining success – holding a team to negative yardage for a whole game was a big win; anything less was disappointing. Giving up points meant doing 20 pushups, etc. Ah, those were the days. So what’s your favorite sports video game and what do you miss about it? Comment below. -TOB

Source: “And Now, Our All-Time Favorite Sports Video Games”, Deadspin (07/28/2015)

PAL: I would not be friends with this writer: “I played soccer in college, and so I lived with my teammates, and trained with them, and traveled with them, and fought with them, and drank with them, and played with them, and cried with them. We were brothers, always on the same side, fighting for the same thing. It was a great experience, and they’re my brothers to this day, but sometimes you just want to beat a motherfucker through the ground, because you’re 19 and invincible and have great abdominals and want to watch the world burn.”

PAL’s Song of the Week: John Prine & Iris DeMent – “In Spite of Ourselves”

Check out the 1-2-3 Playlist featuring all of our Song’s of the Week – 2 people have told me they really like it.

Video of the Week

Poor kid does NOT want to be there.

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. Oh, no, I said. Disneyland burned down. He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”

―Jack Handey

How to Throw a No-Hitter and Lose by Four Runs

Baseball is a weird game. We all know this. But sometimes it’s really weird. 1-2-3 Sports favorite Grant Brisbee hits the rewind button and takes us back to 1990, when Yankees pitcher Andy Hawkins threw a no-hitter and lost the game. By four runs. How does that happen? With two outs in the 8th of a scoreless game, it went: error, walk, walk, error, error, including two dropped fly balls that would have ended the inning. That is a weird game. As Hawkins said back in 1990, and again in 2015: That’s baseball.  -TOB

Source: “How to Throw a No-Hitter and Lose by Four Runs”, Grant Brisbee, SB Nation (07/01/2015)

A Gamblin’ Man

No, not Pete Rose again. Did you know that golfer Phil Mickelson is a notorious gambler? A story broke this week wherein Mickelson was named as having bet $2.75M on various sports gambling bets. The money was later laundered, though Mickelson is not being investigated for the money laundering. That story is not all that interesting, but did lead me to some very entertaining Mickelson (and other golfer) gambling stories.

Sources: “Another Phil Mickelson Golfing Story”, John Strege, Golf Digest (02/03/2015); “Money Matches With Phil Mickelson”, Shane Ryan, ESPN the Magazine (02/16/2015)

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea: World Cup Pics Without The Ball

A fun half-story, half-game brought to you by the NYT: Here are some of the best photos and highlights from the Women’s World Cup, only with the ball removed. You get to place the ball where you think it should be, then compare it with where the ball actually is. You also get to see where everyone else guessed where the ball is. I’ll be honest, this is a great bathroom article, but I really enjoyed it. Light a match and get comfy. – PAL

Source: “Spot the Ball: Quarterfinals”, Alastair Coote, Sam Manchester, and Rumsey Taylor. Illustrations by Jennifer Daniel, The New York Times (6/30/15)

TOB: I took the quiz and was very mediocre. I did better than 59% of people who took it, which I’m reasonably happy with. There was one where I was in the 98th percentile. I note Phil neglected to tell us what he got.

Bobby Bonilla Hasn’t Played Since 2001; Is Still Very Well Paid

Bobby Bonilla was at one point a very good baseball player. He made six all-star teams, and came close to winning the MVP a couple times. But by 1999, he was no longer very good. In fact, he was very bad. He was so bad that the Mets decided they’d rather pay him to go away. His buyout clause was $5.9M. But the Mets were very shortsighted. Instead of paying Bonilla $5.9M in 2000, they deferred the buyout for a series of annual payments that begin in 2010. Those annual payments are $1.2M and last until the year 2035. 2035! That’s a total of about $30M, instead of $5.9M in 2000. Even with the value of money diminishing over time, that was a horrible decision. The Mets have been mostly bad for decades, and this is indicative of why.

Source: “Happy Bobby Bonilla Mets Pay Day”, Matt Snyder, CBS Sports (07/01/2015)

Tall Men Play Baseball Game Poorly, Everyone Still Has Good Time

I want to go to the Dirk Nowitzki’s annual Heroes Celebrity Baseball Game. This event has everything. Ryan Cabrera: check. An unsigned Dez Bryant doing backflips: check. Hipster haircut Steve Nash making hustle plays at a charity event: check. Also, this is a celebrity baseball game. No soft-ass softball for this Texas-sized event. Related, how I miss Rock N’ Jock softball. There’s no game better suited for celebrity/charity events than is baseball or softball. – PAL

Source: “A Tradition Unlike Any Other: Dirk Nowitzki’s Annual Celebrity Baseball Game”, Jason Gallagher, Grantland (6/29/15)

TOB: Man, Rock n’ Jock takes me back. I never really cared for the softball. The basketball was where it was at. The Violators vs. the Bricklayers. The 30-point basket at the end of each quarter was inspired, and watching chuckers like Antoine Walker try for it was always amusing, because you know that a 30-point shot was his true destiny. Seeing people like Jaleel White and Dean Cain and realizing that he could really ball was weird. It’s funny that this event was so popular – in middle school it was all people could talk about the week after it aired. RIP Rock n’ Jock basketball. RIP 30-point basket. The WNBA, or at the very least the NBDL, should adopt it.

Alexi Lalas with the Sweet Burn on Bitter Old Man Landon Donovan

Landon Donovan is still bitter about being left off the 2014 World Cup team. He is also an athlete and overestimates his intelligence and ability to be subtle. Alexi Lalas calls out bullsh-t when he sees it. Hence, the following Twitter conversation:

Roasted, Landycakes. -TOB

Source: “Landon Donovan Burns Jurgen Klinsman, Gets Burned by Alexi Lalas“, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (06/30/2015)

GIFs of the Week

Jahlil Okafor does not seem thrilled to be a Sixer.

Jeff Francouer shouldn’t be thrilled to still be playing baseball.

“You only get three mistakes, then that’s life, big baby.”

-2Pac

Riley Curry: The Real MVP

Drink the Tears of the “Best Fans In Baseball”

Baseball was beginning to hit the summer doldrums. The biggest story heading into this week was the fact that the Royals might get EIGHT starters in the All-Star game due to KC fans stuffing the ballot (which is ludicrous – e.g., Omar Infante is awful and has no business being at the All-Star game, even if he buys a ticket). And then on Tuesday a mostly-forgotten story got new life: Last summer, someone anonymously posted trade chatter from the Houston Astros’ internal computer system to the internet. There was no information on who posted it or why and the story died pretty quickly, but it was amusing to get a little inside information on how teams valued their players, and what teams talk about when they discuss trades (You can read it all here).

That story was revived this week when news broke that the FBI investigated the leak and traced the hack to St. Louis Cardinals front office employees. The Cardinal Way, apparently, involves hacking and cheating, which is amusing coming from such a sanctimonious team/fanbase. The story got even funnier as details began to emerge: The Astros GM, Jeff Luhnow, was previously an executive with the Cardinals. While there, he created an internal database for scouting, etc., that he called Redbird. When he was hired away by the Astros, he took some employees with him and re-built/ported the system over, calling it Mission Control. Clever. But he didn’t change his password! Some Cardinals employees “hacked” the Astros’ system by simply logging in with the same password Luhnow had used in St. Louis. They’re now in deep doodoo, looking at potential prison time, and Luhnow looks like an idiot (though he sure does seem to know how to build a baseball team. Also, on Thursday, Luhnow denied he could be so stupid and fail to change his password, but the story is much funnier as originally reported). It is unclear if the “hackers” were high or low level Cardinals employees, but either way – someone is going down. As noted, my favorite part of this story is that it involves the Cardinals. The teams that Does Things the Right Way. The Best Fans in Baseball. Etc. It is excellent schadenfreude and I cannot recommend reading about it enough. -TOB

Source: “Cardinals Investigated for Hacking Into Astros’ Database”, Michael S. Schmidt, New York Times (06/16/2015)

PAL: Now that I’ve updated my passwords, I feel comfortable talking junk about this horse crap. I can’t believe it’s taken this long for a hack in professional sports. No – really – I don’t believe it, as in, this has happened dozens of times already but the perps weren’t so stupid as to leave a trail back to their house. Dumb, dumb, dumb. The Cardinals can sit on a tac as far as I’m concerned, but come on, Luhnow! Never underestimate the destructive potential of a person who can’t remember his passwords and therefore uses the same one for years. Do you think Mike Matheny will write a letter to parents about the merits of password protection?

Take a Step Back To Appreciate The Warriors

The most fascinating element of the NBA Finals was rooted in the tremendous stylistic differences represented by the two teams. While the Cavaliers were forced to a LeBron offense after Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving went down earlier in the playoffs, it was a sight to behold watching the best player on the planet put in a position where he must do it himself…and not disappoint.

I’ll get to the Warriors, but before I do I got to take a moment to talk about Tommy’s crush, LeBron James. James is so much better than everyone else that I found myself disappointed whenever he seemed deferential, even when I know that no one has ever logged the minutes he’s logged over the past 5 years (5 straight Finals appearances + 2012 Olympics). Even when he’s historically great, I think there’s more there. Maybe that’s what happens when we label someone as having infinite potential…how do you know when he’s met it?

So we had the best player against the best team. The Warriors were better on both sides of the ball (the top defense and offense in the league) than everyone in the league, and a singular talent was at the center of it all. As Tom Ziller puts it, “Other players have some of those skills. Kyle Korver has the trigger and the aim, Kyrie Irving can dribble as deftly, Chris Paul has the vision and J.J. Redick can sprint around screens for 40 minutes without clawing for air. But no one puts all together like Steph.” In a time when tanking is the way of future success in the NBA, the Warriors won with a roster of mid-to-late first round picks and veterans who experienced enough to put a special team’s interests in front of their own. Much like LeBron, the Warriors were so great this season that I wondered if the team demonstrated their best…while they coasted (in the last 2 games) to a championship.

Rather than focusing on the the events of the finals, Ziller dissects the team, how it was put together, and why it’s unique. – PAL

Source: “Do not try to mimic the Warriors”, Tom Ziller, SB Nation (6/17/15)

TOB: Apparently acknowledging that LeBron is the best basketball player in the league means you have a crush. #hater

PAL: HOT TAKE ALERT: LeBron James is the best basketball player in the NBA! I wouldn’t have considered that, but now that you mention it…LeBron just doesn’t get enough damn credit.

TOB: Ooooh, Phil has a cruuuuuuush.

In Defense of Bandwagon Fans

In the wake of the Warriors’ win, 1-2-3 Sports! favorite Grant Brisbee defends bandwagon fans, and I could not agree more. There’s nothing wrong with a little civic pride/solidarity. I am not a Warriors fan, but I have enjoyed their playoff runs the last few years. The team is entirely too likeable, and there’s nothing like experiencing a title run for a team from your city, so I’ve been on the bandwagon for a couple years now. But that does bring me to an interesting dynamic at play over the last two months: The Warriors are almost certainly moving back to San Francisco in 2017, after 40 years in Oakland. East Bay Warriors fans are understandably upset about that fact, and more interestingly I sense a seething rage from East Bay Warriors fans against SF Warriors fans, especially the SF bandwagon fans. The feeling seems to be, “This is (still) OUR team. GTFO.” -TOB

Source: “There’s Nothing Wrong With Being a Bandwagon Fan”, Grant Brisbee, SB Nation (06/17/2015)

PAL: I have lived in San Francisco for 11 years now. I have worked in Oakland for just under 3 months. I love living in San Francisco, but this city is an embarrassment of riches in nearly every way, and Oakland isn’t. While – yes – the Warriors have a history in San Francisco, I think it’s great that the Warriors won this as an Oakland-based team, and I wish they’d stay over there. While the team is revered throughout the Bay Area, its address is in Oakland, and that means something.

The Agony of Constant Defeat When There is Never Victory

Sports can be cruel. Last Fall, Cal football got off to a hot start and seemed well on their way to a rout of eventual Pac-12 South champ Arizona, on the road, leading 45-30 with under 4 minutes to play. Arizona scored three touchdowns, capped off by a Hail Mary as time expired, to win 49-45. Heartbreak. I went to bed and wondered why the hell I watch sports, why I care so much, and why the hell would I subject my children to it. A few weeks later the Giants won another World Series and I was why. But it’s an interesting question that many sports fans have pondered. After watching his Cavaliers lose in the NBA Finals, Cleveland sports fan Geoffrey Redick wrote about the cruelty of raising his kids to be Cleveland sports fans, and whether he is being a bad parent by doing so. -TOB

Source: “Raising Your Kids to be Cleveland Sports Fans is an Act of Cruelty”, Geoffrey Redick, Deadspin (06/17/2015)

Videos of the Week

-This poor old guy had a tough time getting his poncho on.

Tom Brady’s sweet, drunken dance moves.

Audio of the Week

Angry Adult Softball Related Voicemail.

This is pretty fantastic. I highly recommend you listen, but note that the language is NSFW. I will defend this guy for a second: If Phil and I had a softball/baseball team and Phil tried to move me from the infield to the outfield, he’d hear way worse from me.

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

Email: 123sportslist@gmail.com

“I don’t like jump shooting teams. I don’t think you can win the championship beating good teams shooting jumpers.”

-Charles Barkley on the Warriors, 5 months ago