17776: One of the Weirdest and Most Creative Things I’ve Ever Read

That title might seem hyperbolic…but this is really something else. The story is set in the year 17776. That is not a typo. The premise is simple enough: Sometime around the year 2024, human beings stop aging. We live forever. But no one new is born. We have infinite time. And what do we do with it? We play football. But with infinite time, football evolves significantly. Instead of 100 yards, the field and end zones become entire states. The entire country, even. Mostly told through three satellites hurtling through space, Pioneer 9, Pioneer 10, and JUICE, 17776 touches on an incredible range of topics and themes – aging, mortality, the existence of life, the existence of God, the existence of existence. It ridicules the NFL’s rule book, especially the rules that have developed around what is or is not a catch. Global warming. Cartography. Rising sea levels. Technology. Isolation. The evolution of the minivan. It’s all there, and it’s funny, and weird, and incredible. Jon Bois is a writer I have long enjoyed reading, and this is his magnum opus, in my opinion. If you read it, you may get confused at times, but you will not be disappointed. Or maybe I’m just weird as hell, and the appeal I see in this will not be seen by others. Which would be fine. But I loved it, and I hope you do, too. And, if you’re curious, there are some questions and answers from the writer here. -TOB
Source: “17776”, Jon Bois, SB Nation (07/15/2017);

PAL: I got through a bit more than half of this. It’s definitely something to read over the course of the week. Going through this reminded me of Kiss of the Spider Woman, The Book of Daniel, and even A Clockwork Orange. When you first start reading, how the story is told can overshadow what is being told. This 17776 story is perfect for a MFA literary criticism paper.

In the abstract, I like the idea of exploring the big ideas — isolation, evolution, god, mortality — through the insignificant absurdity of sport. It’s a nice bit of irony. But, as was the case with Kiss of the Spider Woman, I found it more interesting to write about 17776 than read it.

The art that we learn in school — the books that we read, the music we learn, the paintings we discuss — they aren’t necessarily the best of the lot; in many cases they are taught generation after generation because they broke the form of their time, and for that they can hold a significance that more expertly crafted pieces cannot claim. The rarest of air is reserved for those that both broke the form and were expertly crafted, emotionally revealing stories. Stories like The Book of Daniel and A Clockwork Orange.

I do love how hard Bois goes for it with this one. It’s way, way out there. – PAL

Running For Your Life

Several years back I joined seemingly every person even partially interested in running and read Born To Run, a nonfiction book detailing the all but forgotten Tarahumara people in Mexico known for running incredibly long distances with little more than a flap of leather between their feet and the ground. You can thank this best-selling work for all those people who wore toe shoes for a couple years. The idea was that the marketing of running shoes was dismantling millions of years of fine-tuned evolution in the human foot, and here was this tribe of people, some of the most elite distance runners in the world, that simply missed the shoe craze of the 70s and 80s. I tore through the book, and found the stories of the running farmers from Tarahumara fascinating.

The sequel to Born To Run should be one of Olympic glory, or winning the Boston Marathon. That is not the case. This story linked below provides a more morbid sequel for many Tarahumaras.

When it comes down to it, drought can make a farmer do just about anything.

The cartels took over much of the land surrounding the Tarahumara people. Droughts beat up their crops, and several of the Tarahumara men turned to a different kind of endurance challenge: drug running. They literally haul 40-pound bags of drugs over the border for the cartels. Their crops can’t support their families, and the other available jobs don’t pay enough. With their reputation for endurance known, the Tarahumara men became quite the commodity for the cartels.

We’re not talking about life-changing money – $700 – $800, but it is life-sustaining money. It’s also about the same amount as the prize money for winning an ultra-marathon in these rural parts of Mexico. 

Not surprising, a good number of runners trying to cross the border get caught, so it makes sense that this sad trend was discovered by a West Texas attorney named Paul Chambers. Like the men he defends, Chambers has carried his own weight of drugs. This story does an excellent job profiling the pawns of the drug trafficking world. – PAL

Source: “The Drug Runners”, Ryan Goldberg, Texas Monthly (July, 2017)

Friggin’ Millennials

By now I’m sure many of you are sick of the talk about Kyrie Irving requesting a trade out of Cleveland. Hell, it’s a slow time in sports – The NFL and college football hasn’t started, baseball is still a little bit outside of a playoff talk, Wimbledon’s over, the three golf majors that matter are in the rearview – but even with all of this, the amount of talk radio spent on Kyrie Irving has been a bit much.

Still, I share this story because it clearly breaks down just how little sense Irving’s request seemingly makes. The writing is crisp and clear.

Why does Kyrie Irving, 25, no longer want to play with one of the best 5 players in NBA history any more?

He wants to be the centerpiece of a team and is envious of players like John Wall and Damian Lillard.

• Wall and Lillard have won nothing. Kyrie has been to 3 straight finals, has an iconic moment in NBA history from game 7 against the Warriors, and has won a championship
• Kyrie is more popular in terms of jersey sales, all-star votes, and shoe sales than either of them

Kyrie wants to be the focal point of the offense. But what do the numbers say?

Kyrie attempted more shots per game (19.7) than all but five other players in the NBA this past season; more than Harden (18.9), Wall (18.4), Curry (18.3), or James himself (18.2), and only 0.1 fewer than Lillard—who, again, missed the All-Star Game and whose team got swept out of the first round of the playoffs. Irving had the ninth-highest usage percentage (30.8) in the NBA—again, higher than Wall’s (30.6), Curry’s (30.1), and James’s (30.0). As ESPN’s Zach Lowe notes, Kyrie even held the ball longer than James did, according to the NBA’s player tracking database.

Kyrie provide a list of potential teams he’d like to join: San Antonio, Miami, New York, Minnesota.

• San Antonio has their focal point and MVP candidate: Kawhi Leonard
• Minnesota has a couple studs, Jimmy Butler and Karl-Anthony Townes that aren’t simply going to hand over shots
• The Knicks are the Knicks…let’s move on.
• Miami is not good.

So what does he want? I think writer Alberto Burneko nails it:

“It’s possible that no one in the history of the league has ever had it that good. Kyrie Irving wants to give it away so that he can play with worse players, so that he can get a larger share of dimmer shine.”

Talk about a millennial, right? – PAL

Source: “Just What In The Damn Hell Is Kyrie Irving Thinking?”, Alberto Burneko, Deadspin (7/25/17)

TOB: Something smells fishy about this to me. The buzz about LeBron leaving after next season has been strong for weeks, months even. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Kyrie says he wants a trade. Either he wants a trade because he knows it’s his only shot to get out – they are not trading their only good, young asset next year after LeBron leaves – or he and LeBron are somehow in cahoots. Consider: When LeBron left in 2010, Dan Gilbert made a fool of himself with his comic sans letter to LeBron. LeBron came back, but the relationship never seemed warm, and I think LeBron came back to win a title for Cleveland and rescue his legacy, and the fact Gilbert got a ring along the way was a necessary evil. But if he now wants to leave, he needs to do so while saving face – he needs the public to think, “Well, of course he left. Who wouldn’t leave?” So, maybe LeBron and Kyrie work together to get what they each want – Kyrie gets out now, so he’s not stuck there post-LeBron, and LeBron gets to leave without becoming the villain. As Michael Scott would say, win, win win. The third win is for me, because I solved the mystery.

Video of the Week: Caddyshack was released 37 years ago this week, so let’s just stop and appreciate genius –

PAL Song of the Week: Alabama Shakes – “Dunes”

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“I have flaws. What are they? I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car.”

– M. Scott

Casper Lang making it look good. 

Ain’t Nothing But A Family Thing*

The same thing happens to me after every 4th of July. I go back to Minnesota, spend a summer week at my favorite place on earth: my parents’ cabin. I play catch with my nieces and nephews, play cards, take boat rides, sit around the bonfire, and run long stretches of country roads. The days go on forever, the mosquitos are insufferable, and the conversations run into the morning hours. Then I say goodbye, again, and hop on a plane back to California, having caught another nasty case of homesickness.

I love California, but I miss Minnesota. And then Uncle Gary sends me this story. It’s a great story, but it’s not helping this round of homesickness.

There are pockets in Minnesota that are obsessed with baseball. Yes, we’re known for hockey, but the entire state doesn’t fall in line on that one. In fact, there are many parts of the state – places like Chaska, New Ulm, Wilmar, and Luverne – small, beautiful towns more or less out of Field of Dreams that love baseball. Baseball has a long tradition up north, and nowhere is that tradition more alive than Stearns County. I know, albeit secondhand. We’ll get to that in a jiff.

It’s called townball. Mens league baseball. In Stearns County, a collection of small towns 100 miles up I-94 from the Twin Cities, townball has seen very little changes over a very long period of time.

The uniqueness of the Stearns County League is that it dates to 1950 in what is basically its present form. Regal was an early member, as was Freeport. Meire Grove and Greenwald were Green-Grove until separate teams were formed in 1959.

For nearly six decades, it has been those two, plus Farming, Lake Henry, St. Martin, New Munich, Richmond and Roscoe. Of course, 1983 saw the admission of Elrosa and Spring Hill.

To be a true Stearns County town, Farming resident and Mike Schleper claims three requirements: “a Catholic church, two bars, and a ballfield.”

I was 18 when I first saw just what Stearns County baseball was all about. My future college roommate, Ryan Nett, invited me up to his place for the weekend ahead of us going to school. We had played on a fall league team together, hit it off, and ended up deciding to play baseball at a small college in South Dakota. I grew up in the suburbs, and by that I mean exactly what you’re picturing in your head right now. As far as I knew, Ryan grew up just outside of St. Cloud, a 15,000-student state college town.

Ryan did not grow up in St. Cloud. He grew up in Farming, Minnesota, on a farm. He played on a townball team with his three brothers. His dad had played on the same team. The Farming Flames field, to a suburbia kid, seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, along a country road surrounded by nothing. But — and I mean no disrespect — much of the township of Farming is a series of country roads surrounded by open space.

I go to the game. The small, grandstand is selling unmatched 6-packs of Premium and Mich Golden and Bud Lights. I sit and watch a wood bat game between teams comprised of has-beens, teenagers, and hot-shot college ballplayers. I get slowly drunk on the metal bleachers, and so does everyone else in the stands (which are full). Cars are backed up along the right field line. It could’ve been a postcard. Ryan, his older ox of a brother Aaron, and I think Ted play in the game. Ryan will want you to know he hit a home run, so let’s just slip that in right here. And the game, it’s not just ‘Hey, we’re just having fun’. These men with beer guts and teenagers with wristbands of faux flair are competing. They’re arguing with umpires and going in hard at second.

I loved it, but I thought it was absurd at the time.

Patrick Reusse’s story below captures the wonderful tradition of the Stearns County league. 17 year later, I don’t think it’s absurd at all. No, 17 years later, as I play softball in San Francisco, I think the Stearns County League sounds just about right. Remember, I’m in the thick of the post-cabin homesickness.

I stand at shortstop in these softball games, and – if I’m being honest – I can’t stand that I’m playing softball. I have to admit, A League of Their Own got baseball right: It’s the hard that makes it great. While everything about baseball requires precision, everything about softball is proximity.

There’s a familiarity in going through the paces of playing softball, but I don’t love softball. I don’t know if I even like it. Everything about softball is going through the motions of baseball at a slower, meandering pace, aided by longer, lighter, trampoline bats swung by men who either take it way too seriously or not nearly serious enough. There’s nothing exact about it.

My first love was baseball. So why am I pulling up short at second on a force out when there are guys older than me mixing it up in a real baseball game under the lights in Farming, Minnesota?

It’s easy to read this story and look at the pictures and react to the Rockwell, Greatest Generation quaintness of it all, but that would be missing the point. The league is more than that.

The Stearns County League pays for the Little League and Babe Ruth teams. They raise money from pull tabs and sausage breakfasts. When they’re short on funds to get lights, they reach out to family and the community, and they get it done. These communities built the league, and it became a part of their identity, as much as the Catholic Church and the two bars in town.

I’m realizing now my summary reads more like a meditation than a pitch for you to click on the story link below. But I think romance can lead one to meditate, and there’s something damn romantic about townball in Stearns County. – PAL

Footnotes:

• This story was submitted by our loyal reader, Gary Livingston. Have a great story you think we should post? Send it to us at 123sportslist@gmail.com
• * I’ll buy a burger and a beer to the reader who can tell me what show this title comes from (don’t be that guy and look it up)

Source: “The Summer Game: Townball Rules Sundays in Central Minnesota”, Patrick Reusse, Star Tribune (7/10/17)

Don’t Be That Sports Dad

This week, Rays’ outfielder Colby Rasmus mysteriously “stepped away”from baseball for “personal reasons”. Rasmus will walk away from over $2M with this decision, which is ever the more peculiar because he’s on the disabled list, anyways.  He could have just sat there and collected his money. Rasmus was having a nice season – hitting .281 with an OPS of .896 and 9 home runs in just 37 games before he was placed on the DL on June 23. So why is he walking away? And what does that mean? Is it a retirement? Or a temporary break? And what are the personal reasons that led to his decision? I was curious about this, and then saw the following tweet from Toronto Star reporter Brendan Kennedy (Rasmus had spent the last few years with the Blue Jays before signing with the Rays in the offseason):

Yes, Colby Ramus’ dad made Colby and his brothers practice for four hours, every single day, year-round. That is some terrible parenting. In the short-term, I guess he was “successful” – Rasmus and his two brothers all played professional baseball. In the long-term, though, he was decidedly not successful. I am speculating, of course, but it’s not off-the-wall to suggest Colby is walking away because he hates playing baseball, and that he hates playing baseball because his dad forced him to play so much. Colby’s brother, Casey, unexpectedly retired, too, at age 24 while in the minor leagues.

Whether this is the reason for Rasmus’ retirement is unclear, but what is clear, from Colby’s quote in that tweet, is that his dad was a terrible sports parent who made his kid not enjoy the game he has played his entire life. The story evokes memories of other bad sports parents like Todd Marinovich’s dad, or Mary Pierce’s dad:

Jim Pierce’s treatment of his daughter Mary was possibly the most brutal of all. He once admitted training his daughter eight hours a day, sometimes until midnight.

“For seven years, eight hours a day, I hit 700 serves at Mary. I wouldn’t let her leave until she got it right. Sure she cried,” he said.

Like Damir, he was well known for berating Mary in public. After an altercation with a spectator in the French Open in 1993, he was banned from all Women’s Tennis Association Tour events for five years and Mary dropped him as her coach and placed a restraining order on him.

He then became embroiled in a knife fight with her bodyguard. Mary was eventually reported to have paid him £300,000 to leave her alone when he subsequently sued her, claiming a share of her earnings.

Geeze. Don’t be like that, Sports Dads. -TOB

Source: “Rays Outfielder Colby Rasmus Steps Away From Baseball For Personal Reasons”, Dan Gartland, Sports Illustrated (07/13/2017)

PAL: This is a tough one, because there’s a lot of speculation. The guy could be sick, or someone in his family could be sick. He could be going through some personal problems that have nothing to do with his dad.

With that caveat in mind about Rasmus, I’ve never understood the overbearing sports parents. It just seems like a lose-lose situation, even under the best circumstances. I don’t know about you, but the “I know what’s best for you” approach doesn’t usually seem to work out with kids. Even if the kid turns out to be a professional, what kind of parent-child relationship does that lead to? Where is the joy in the game when your parent is berating you for the millionth time?

TOB: I want to be clear: I agree he could be leaving for many reasons, and I state I am speculating that it’s because of his dad. BUT. That doesn’t change the quote from Colby about his dad – that’s a Bad Sports Dad.

Cubs Trade for Quinana Leads to Greatest Media Correction Ever

On Thursday, the White Sox traded their ace, Jose Quintana, to the cross-town, defending World Series Champion, but struggling mightily, Cubs. The Cubs gave up four Top-100 prospects, including the their top hitting and pitching prospects – no small price to pay. Quintana has been a very good pitcher the last 6 years. He struggled early this season, but has been very good again since early June, and he’s under relatively cheap control over the next 3 years, for a total of $30M. The story would not be very interesting, and not something I’d normally write about here. BUT. The story got hilarious, quickly.

News of the trade hit without any leaks or rumors, which is rare. The GMs of the two teams reportedly met in private during the All-Star game, which explains how they could have done a deal of this magnitude without any major press picking up on it. I say major because a few hours after the trade was announced, a Reddit thread from the night before started making the rounds. There, a reddit user named “KatyPerrysBootyHole” (yes.) started a thread about a possible Cubs trade for Quintana:

Hey guys, take this with a grain of salt, but I heard from a friend who’s brothers friend works for the cubs (sounds like bullshit I know), that Q is going to the cubs in exchange for 4 players. Has anyone heard anything similar?

A short while later, another user named “Wetbutt23” (hell yes.) confirmed the rumor though clarified it was Quintana for four prospects, and later confirmed the deal was done and the players were undergoing physicals (KatyPerrysBootyHole confirmed Wetbutt23 was his/her source).

The names are funny, obviously, but what really got me was the fact the news of the Reddit thread forced CSNChicago.com to post this amazing correction to a story about how the trade stayed under the media’s radar:

Correction: While no national media had this story, a Reddit user named “wetbutt23″ had it last night. CSNChicago.com apologizes to wetbutt23 for the error.

Ohhhhh, yes. Every time I read that second sentence, I laugh. It’s days like these the internet really delivers the goods. -TOB

Source: “KatyPerrysBootyHole And Wetbutt23 Broke The Jose Quintana Trade”, Barry Petchesky, Deadspin (07/13/2017)

PAL: My only question is whether or not this post is NSFW.

TOB: I sure hope not…

Video of the Week: 

PAL Song of the Week: Johnny Cash – “One” (U2)

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This is the look PAL’s going for on the annual trip back to MN. 

TOB: Also, happy birthday to one of our loyal readers, my dear mom! Mom turns a certain number of years today. Have a great birthday, Ma!

Damn Librulz.

The professional wrestling heel (bad guy) is as old as the sport. The heel’s job is to rile up the crowd by doing things to get the crowd to actively and loudly dislike him (or her). Wrestling companies have long used current events to generate “heat” for a heel. I can remember the Iron Shiek (Iran) in the early 1980s, and Russian wrestlers in the late 1980s, for example, who juiced up a crowd by railing against America as they prepared to take on All-Americans like Hulk Hogan and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Our country is very divided politically these days, and it is no surprise that one wrestler has used that division to his advantage.

Known as the Progressive Liberal, Dan Richards wrestles for a small Kentucky  wrestling company. His shtick is too easy: he plays a liberal (and claims to be one IRL), and angers the crowd by advocating for such terrible policies like education for all and clean energy. He’s definitely a little condescending (e.g., intentionally mispronouncing how the people of Appalachia prefer to say Appalachia)…but it’s a bit disturbing to see how the crowds react.

One fan threatened that “if that fucking liberal” showed up to a show, the fan would bring his gun. Part of me laughs at this. The Progressive Liberal is supposed to be funny. It’s wrestling, after all. But there’s also a part that is a little sad that our society has come to a place where advocating for education, for example, is seen as a bad thing, to the point someone threatens to bring a gun to a wrestling event. Yikes.

Source: “The ‘Progressive Liberal’ Is Maybe the Perfect Wrestling Heel”, Samer Kalaf, Deadspin (06/26/2017)

PAL: You can’t fix dumb, TOB. That’s been the case long before Don Trump. I do think “The Progressive Liberal” is my favorite wrestling name of all-time. This is the first wrestling story I can get behind. I just wish Richards was a little more polished. The role is too good to be wasted on an amatuer.

Intangibles Are Unacceptable

These days, we all have at least one friend who’s all-in on distance running, rock climbing, cycling, triathlons. Endurance sports have expanded, and – at the highest levels – that put a premium on finding the perfect balance between being as light as possible and still maintaining the strength to exert the energy needed to win.

It should come as no surprise that eating disorders – for men and women – are a part of many athletes’ lives.

While the long-term effect are universally bad, that fact of the matter is the short-term effects contribute to success. It works. 

Take this excerpt from Nora Caplan-Bricker’s piece:

One of the first things Tyler Hamilton learned on day one of his career as a professional cyclist was that he needed to lose weight. It was 1995, and he’d just touched down in the Barcelona airport, having signed a contract with U.S. Postal Service. When the team director picked him up, “He made fun of my baby fat straightaway,” Hamilton recalls. “I was like, ‘What’s this about? I’m super skinny!’ I had no idea.”

While female athletes, like women in general, are inculcated all their lives with the importance of thinness, male athletes are also bombarded with messages about their bodies. Some of the cyclists and runners I interviewed—both men and women—told me they think coaches and directors on women’s teams have grown more attuned to the issue, and, in many cases, are more careful with what they say about an athlete’s weight or eating, while men’s coaches are years behind.

Early in his career, Hamilton thought of himself as a “big engine”—sure, he had bulkier muscles than some of his beanpole teammates, but that’s what powered him to victory in his best stage: the time trial. But after a few years of feeling his team’s nutritionists “eyeballing me every time I went up to get a cookie,” and of hearing from coaches and more seasoned cyclists that he could really be a contender if he shed a few pounds, Hamilton took the advice to heart. “When I lost weight, I basically learned to climb,” he told me. “There was a time”—around 2003, when he placed fourth in the Tour de France—“when I was one of the best climbers in the world.”

Every spring and summer, the 5’8″ Hamilton would work to whittle himself down to about 130 pounds. “The three months before the Tour were hell to get there,” he says. He’d bike for six or seven hours, come home famished, and chug a Diet Coke as fast as he could. A Diet Coke, and maybe an apple, and “you go from ravenous to ‘okay, maybe I can go another hour now.’” Once, after a hard training ride, Hamilton’s director gave him a handful of sleeping pills to help him “make it until dinner” without eating. The message was, “If you make it through the night, even better.”

Hamilton describes these patterns as an eating disorder, though he was never technically diagnosed with one. At the same time, he believes achieving a skeletal physique did make him a better cyclist. Weight is only one of many factors in an athlete’s performance. But in races that are won and lost by a fraction of a second—not only in cycling, but also in running, swimming, and skiing—athletes who fantasize about the perfect ratio between power and leanness usually find that the latter is easier to quantify and control.

This story digs into a dangerous combination where eating disorders seem to flourish (I’m obviously no expert): a person driven to win and that success can be helped by doing something that is bad for you. What makes most elite athletes different from us is they are willing to do things the rest of us are simply not willing to do every day for an extended period of time. They are singularly focused on success. It is the only priority. And when success is that black & white, well, that can be a slippery slope.

Sometimes in sports, fractions – of a second, an inch, a fingernail – separate the legends from great unknowns, while the rewards between first and second can be measured in tax brackets. This can be especially true for fringe sports like rock climbing, cycling, and distance running. In that teeny tiny gap between great and legend is where uncertainty simmers. Athletes can’t stand for uncertainty, which is why they are as good as they already are. The gap needs to be filled with a plan, with measurement, with incremental progress. That’s where something as quantitative as calories and weight and ultimately disorder can root itself. In a way, an eating disorder is similar to doping.

Do me a favor: name me two world class distance runners? Name me three world class swimmers. Now, name me 15 basketball or baseball or football players. 

Is it any surprise that we find eating disorders more prevalent in those whose success is dependent upon obsession? – PAL

Source: “The Inextricable Tie Between Eating Disorders and Endurance Athletes”, Nora Caplan-Bricker, Outside Magazine (6/23/17)

TOB: This story surprised me, because we definitely think of athletes as healthy. But it makes sense, as Phil so eloquently expands upon.

This Is Why You Should Always Look Out For Number One In Job Decisions

Two years ago, on the eve of free agency, Clippers center DeAndre Jordan was all set to sign as a free agent with the Dallas Mavericks, much closer to his hometown of Houston. So a bunch of his Clippers teammates, including Chris Paul and Blake Griffin, showed up at his home in Houston and basically held him hostage, convincing him not to leave. The players had a lot of fun with it on Twitter. For example, Blake Griffin tweeted a photo of a chair barricading the door at DeAndre’s house.

It was pretty all pretty amusing, and in the end they convinced him not to leave. But this week, just two years later, Chris Paul told the Clippers he was opting out, and so they traded him to what he sees as a better situation with the Houston Rockets. Blake Griffin can also opt out, and with Paul gone, many expect him to sign elsewhere. Where does this leave DeAndre Jordan? Probably wishing he hadn’t re-signed with the Clippers, a team now completely devoid of talent. The internet had fun with this fact.

https://twitter.com/rashadalaiyan/status/880151489179566081

https://twitter.com/AlphaSixFour/status/880103196190023681

Poor De’Andre. Let this be a lesson to us all: You do you. -TOB

Source: “After Chris Paul Trade, Twitter Absolutely Savages DeAndre Jordan”, Jimmy Traina, Sports Illustrated (06/28/2017)

PAL:

TOB: Hey, sure. He’s richer than shit. But, he’d have that money if he’d gone elsewhere, too. It’s not like the Mavericks were offering him $150,000.00.

Blazers Twitter Welcomes New Player, Mr. Considerations

As part of the Houston Rockets’ maneuvering for the above-mentioned trade for Chris Paul, they made a trade with the Portland Trailblazers. The Blazers sent Tim Quarterman (uh, who?) to Houston in exchange for “cash considerations”. The Blazers’ official twitter account, generally one of the best team accounts in sports, had quite a bit of fun with this.

I laughed. Hell, a bag of cash is certainly better than Meyers Freakin Leonard. You suck, Meyers. -TOB

Source: Blazers Twitter (06/28/2017)

Video of the Week: 

PAL Song of the Week: Maggie Rogers – “Alaska”

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“Moon Landing”: Sacramento Rock Climber Alex Honnold Just Did The Unthinkable

Do you remember the first time you drove through Yosemite Valley? I do (and if you haven’t been, then let me know. I’ll gladly take you there). It’s awesome, and not in the colloquial way. The beauty is spiritual. The monolith walls of granite form almost a right angle with the valley, towering so severely that you have to stick your head out of the car window to see the top. The scale and power and art of it all seem impossible, and yet there you stand, craning your neck to the heavens saying to yourself, ‘My god…”.

At the center of it all is El Capitan. It is one giant piece of granite extending 3,000 feet straight up from the valley. Alex Honnold, a Cal dropout from Sacramento and the goofy, unassuming face of rock climbing just climbed it with no ropes. Free solo. 

Mark Synnott of National Geographic classified it as perhaps “the greatest feat of pure rock climbing in the history of the sport.”

One world class climber referred to it as “the ‘moon landing’ of free soloing”, and another said “I really don’t see what’s next.”

Honnold is an incredibly skilled climber, world class to be sure, but that’s not what separates him from every other climber. “[N]o one else has matched [Honnold’s] ability to control fear. His tolerance for scary situations is so remarkable that neuroscientists have studied the parts of his brain related to fear to see how they might differ from the norm.”

By all accounts, Alex Honnold just achieved the rarest of accomplishments: He took something that was impossible and made it possible by himself. So why am I so conflicted to admire it?

I brought this up with Natalie the other day on our drive to dinner. We talked about the moon landing comparison. They had no idea what would happen when they got out there. What would the landing be like, what would happen when they set foot on the moons? A new frontier. I don’t think Honnold’s free solo of El Cap is the moon landing. El Cap has been climbed after all. Many elite climbers have completed his route, just with ropes in case something happened – be it the climber being overmatched or something completely out of the climbers control. 

Is it like Roger Bannister’s 4 minute mile? I don’t think so. While a pulled hamstring or a headwind out of nowhere would keep him from running a fast time, the loss was a new benchmark, not a life.

The best comparison I can come up with is Philippe Petit. He’s the guy who tightrope walked between the Twin Towers in 1974 (there’s a fantastic documentary on Petit – Man on Wire). His response when asked why: “There is no why.”

In many of us there is a fear of average. In a few of us there is a competition to be great. Then there is the rarest of all: Those that must do something that’s never been done. To them, dying suddenly in pursuit of what’s never been done is better than dying gradually doing anything less.

We are captivated by Honnold for one primary reason. If he falls, then he dies. That says a hell of a lot more about us than it does about him. Or is there something more to it? I don’t know. I really don’t. I would bet that Honnold’s response to that would be similar to Petit: There is no why.

One last interesting tidbit. I once met Honnold. I’m novice climber, and I like to boulder at lunch. One day, about four or five years back I was at Dogpatch Boulders. Super quiet day at the gym, and one section is blocked off. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but Honnold was being filmed for an interview. I went off to climb in another part of the gym, and after a while he’s climbing a route near me. I realized who it is at that moment. We’re pretty much the only people climbing. On the ground, he appears scrawny, and then he gets on the wall and you can see his shoulders and biceps. But most of all, you see his hands. I’ve never seen muscular hands before. At least that’s how I remember them. For a moment I consider asking him for a climbing tip, and it felt comically wrong.

I told a buddy it was like testing out a guitar at a shop – doing your best little riff – only to find Jimi Hendrix plug into an amp next to you. What do you do? You don’t ask for an autograph, because you’re not nine years old. Here’s what you do: You acknowledge that what you do and what he does is in not in any way similar, so there’s no tip to ask for. – PAL

Source: “Climber Completes the Most Dangerous Rope-Free Ascent Ever”, Mark Synnott, National Geographic (6/3/17)

TOB: I have to admit I was taken aback when I read Phil’s slightly unimpressed take on Honnold’s feat. In comparing what Honnold did to a moon landing, I actually think what he did was more impressive in challenging what seems humanly possible. This may be showing my age – when I was born, we had long since landed on the moon, and doing so had even become boring. My parents, for example, may strongly disagree with this opinion: I think the astronauts themselves get way too much credit here (yes, I’m splitting hairs). But, before the Apollo 11 landing, we sent plenty of craft up to space, unmanned and then manned, orbited the moon, and came relatively close to a landing. The Apollo 11 astronauts flew a largely automated craft farther from earth than anyone ever had, and then landed it some place no one had been. That’s cool. But, thousands of others did the math/engineering to make it happen, and we had run plenty of tests to understand what would happen.

Conversely, Honnold did this climb solo. Like Phil, I’ve been to Yosemite and I’ve seen El Capitan. What Honnold did is just not fathomable to me. Any mistake and he’s dead. There is zero room for error. And he did this QUICKLY. In less than four hours. He sorta made it look easy, which it of course is not.

And I think it’s certainly better than Philippe Petit’s tightrope between the the World Trade Center towers. In the same way Honnold somehow turns off the fear center of his brain, certainly Petit’s walk is impressive. But, on some level, a tightrope over 20 feet is the same as over 1,350 feet, as Petit’s was. Consider – Petit performed up there for 45 minutes. He freaking danced. This was easy for him.

But Honnold’s 2,900 foot climb is not the same as a 2,900 foot climb elsewhere. It’s not just the fear of death – I’ve seen pictures of his climb and I can’t even fathom how it’s possible. Granted, people have done it. But with ropes, you have the courage to make a move that might fail and know you will (probably) be ok. WIthout them? It’s hard to get my brain around. Phil posits that we are captivated by Honnold because if he falls, he dies. I don’t agree, at least not with the implication we are excited by the fact that life and death is on the line. For me, at least, I like seeing things that challenge my understanding of human capability. Honnold absolutely did that.

One last thing: My favorite tidbit I read about Honnold’s climb (and maybe this undercuts my point, but whatever): After he finished, Honold said he was planning to work out because he’d only had “four hours of light exercise” but definitely needed lunch first.

But look at his face. I suppose he’s not wrong. That dude is not wired like the rest of us.

The Uninspiring Greatness of Real Madrid

This week, Real Madrid won its second straight Champions League title, its third in four years, and wrapped the La Liga title, as well. Objectively, it is one of the greatest runs in soccer history. If you don’t pay attention to European soccer, you may not know, though, that Madrid’s run has been met with yawns. I don’t watch enough to truly know why, but i’ve had my theories. I am, admittedly, biased. In the Great Soccer Debate of the last decade – Messi or Ronaldo – I am firmly in Camp Nou – the stadium that plays home to FC Barcelona and the greatest soccer player of all time, Lionel Messi. I like Messi because he’s little (5’6”?) and he does incredible things on the field. He’s a true soccer genius – dribbling, passing, moving without the ball, and scoring – and even a novice can see this if you sit down for a game and focus on him. His counterpart, Cristiano Ronaldo, on the other hand, does things with brute force. It’s not as pretty, but it is effective. He’s always a threat to score, but it’s not as inspiring. Also, he comes off as a real asshole. This does not help his case.

But there must be more, and Deadspin’s Billy Haisley makes a convincing argument. Over the course of soccer history, there have been teams that implemented tactical innovation that changed the understanding of the sport – from the Dutch “Total Football” to Barcelona’s “Tiki-Taka”, and more. These innovations make fans think, “Holy crap, why didn’t anyone think of this before?”

Madrid is not innovative. Madrid was faced with a problem: Lionel Messi, the greatest player of all-time, and needed to figure out how to beat him. So, they threw money at the problem. Gobs of it. They bought everyone they possibly could, even if it meant stashing that player on the bench. Players like Gareth Bale and James Rodriguez are some of the greatest in the world, and out of 29 games, they started only 17 and 13 games, respectively, for Madrid this season. Just sittin’ there, wondering when they get to go in. This is like when the Miami Heat signed LeBron and Bosh to go with Wade, but then if they ALSO signed Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, and Kevin Durant, and the majority of them played only a few minutes a game, because there weren’t enough minutes to go around.

As Haisley puts it:

When looked at through this lens, it makes a little more sense why this recent-vintage Real Madrid group don’t feel like the era-defining bunch their titles would seem to imply. Their strategy of signing great players and letting them play well doesn’t appear to add much to our understanding of what soccer can be. The only principle Real’s success stands for is that incalculable (and to all but four or five top-top-top clubs, impossibly expensive) greatness of talent begets great success. Which is a fine and self-evidently true principle, but it doesn’t point one way or the other to where the sport might advance. Real aren’t in conversation with the sport, they are a statement on it, and the statement is tautological: being good means you win, and winning means you’re good.

While reading this story, I couldn’t help contrast this with the Golden State Warriors, who as I write this are up 3 games to 0 on the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals, one win away from SWEEPING THROUGH THE PLAYOFFS, something I cannot even fathom. I say contrast, of course, because the beauty of the Warriors is that they are a story of so much more than talent. They are great scouting, a lot of luck, and that undefinable quality all great teams must have: chemistry. If you’re not a Warriors fan, you’re rolling your eyes because Warriors fans are sooooooo annoying. I know. I live and work amongst them. But watching the Warriors play is beautiful.

During Game 3 on Wednesday night, it looked like the Cavs might pull it off (it being win a single game in the series). Up six with just over two minutes left to go. LeBron and Kyrie Irving had played spectacularly. Kyrie, especially, had some amazing finishes at the rim. But they each burned so much energy to get those buckets. The Warriors, on the other hand, implement the concept of “pace and space” – move quickly, and stretch the defense by spacing the floor with dangerous shooters and smart/willing passers. Unlike the Cavaliers, they were relatively fresh, and they closed out the game on an 11-0 run that, in hindsight, somehow seems like it was inevitable.

Don’t get me wrong. The Warriors are extremely talented. But, as opposed to Real Madrid, to me their story great talent producing great success. The Warriors have fundamentally changed the way basketball is played. Even if the Cavs had a couple more great players and won this series, in twenty years, people would remember this era as the time when the Warriors changed our understanding of what basketball can be and where it might go. -TOB

Source: “Real Madrid Won Everything and Don’t Have Much to Show For It”, Billy Haisley, Deadspin (06/05/2017)

PAL: It was the next logical step in the big business of sports. To a lesser degree, this has been happening for a little while now (Yankees and Heat are the first to come to mind), but it could be most problematic for basketball and soccer. Kevin Durant has made it perfectly clear in this playoffs the impact of adding one great player to a sport where only 5 guys are on the court for each team. And there’s even money in soccer “over there”. With no salary cap, Real Madrid – the Yankees of organizations – can spend just that much more money.

I overheard the PTI guys talking the other day about whether or not dynasties are good for sports. They both said yes, and referenced the Celtics, UCLA, the Lakers, the Patriots. Dynasties are interesting as archives. We talk about the Yankees of the 20s (and 30s and 40s and 50s) or the Celtics of the 60s as some of the greatest teams of all-time, but we didn’t see it – we’re just counting championships and regurgitating stats. Dynasties can also be interesting when there is a real rival. Lakers had the Celtics in the 80s. The rivalry is what made it legendary, not the amount of rings.

Super interesting read and cool context to consider the Warriors as they approach history. Great writing, too. 

Dream Job: Going Deep

This, by far, is the best writing assignment I’ve ever come across. Writer Michael McKnight was paid by Sports Illustrated to try to hit a homerun out of a major league ball park. Tough gig.

Turns out, it was tough, but one man’s home run odyssey makes for a super fun read. Here are just some of his challenges:

1. He needed to learn how to hit.
2. He needed someone to pitch to him (pitching machine homers don’t count)
3. He needed to do it with with a wood bat, which meant he needed (a lot) of wood bats
4. He needed a Major League ballpark to allow him to take BP
5. He needed to get into shape

Let’s start with the swing. It starts brutal, and it didn’t get much better looking along the way, but the local batting cage owner pointed out, “We’re not trying to make you a .300 hitter. All you need is one.”

I give McKnight a lot of credit. He worked on his swing every day for a long time (we’ll get to just how long in a moment). At the cage, off a tee in his driveway, and at the local high school fields. It was cool to hear about some relatively advanced technical hitting concepts being applied to an average dude. And the dude put in work.

His odyssey also took him to Baton Rouge to visit the bat makers of Marucci bats. They gave him a tutorial on what separates a pro bat from a bat we buy at a local sporting good shop, and sent him home with 20(!) bats. Wood bats are unforgiving, and McKnight found this out quickly. You hit a ball off the end of the bat or up the handle – just a couple inches from the sweet spot – and a wood bat is breaking. He was going through $300 Marucci’s like snack size Snickers.

And he needed a ballpark. The Dodgers said no, because they are snobs and, in the words of Clark W. Griswold, wouldn’t know a good time if it came up and bit them.

The A’s said yes, because of course the A’s would (and it’s not like anything else is going on at O.Co Coliseum).

He came up short, but then got another chance when the Astros gave him a date. Short porch in left at Minute Maid, but also a higher wall.

After 15 months, 384 days, and over 30,000 swings, McKnight did it. That SOB did it, and now I’m very jealous that this guy, with that swing, got to take BP at not one, but two big league ballparks and hit a homerun. Nice work, Michael.

This wasn’t about me as much as it was about what’s possible for any of us. Those athletic feats we watch the pros execute effortlessly: How hard are they for a layperson to pull off? How much work is required to even come close to landing a triple Axel? If your tax-attorney neighbor trained hard enough, could she hit a contested three in a WNBA game? Could she hit five? Would she raise “three goggles” to her eyes and jaw at her defender as she backpedaled on defense?

But more than any other demographic, this Home Run Project was for overwhelmed, under-rested parents such as myself who wonder, What could I have accomplished had I chosen a more athletic path? It’s for those among us who yell at our TV screens—You can’t take that pitch! You gotta crush that!—forgetting how impossible it is to swing a round bat and strike a round ball snaking by at 90 mph.

Now that I think about it, and wonder who’s feat was more improbable: Alex Honnold free soloing El Cap, or Michael McKnight hitting a homerun. – PAL

Source: “How to Homer”, Michael McKnight, Sports Illustrated (no date given)

TOB: As Phil said, this was super fun, and I urge you to read it. But know this: that epic troll-job at the end did not go unnoticed, PHIL.

PAL: Whatever it takes to get new readers.

Video of the Week: Elton John releases video for ‘Tiny Dancer’ 40 years later. I loved it. TOB liked it. 

PAL Song of the Week: Charlie Rich – ‘Behind Closed Doors’

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That’s how I’d look if I watched 206 picks of the draft (Kelly was this years Mr. Irrelevant – the last player selected)

Bad is Good

One of my favorite stories of 2017 so far. Karen Rinaldi is a “kook” surfer. That’s slang for someone who’s not good at surfing. It took her five years to catch her own wave, and she’s far from good now, but she loves it. It’s not just the sport that she loves, but what it gives her: The freedom from a world polluted with perfection.

When I do catch a wave and feel the glide, I’ll hold onto that feeling for hours, days or even weeks. I’m hooked on the pursuit of those moments, however elusive they may be. But it’s not the momentary high that has sustained me. In the process of trying to attain a few moments of bliss, I experience something else: patience and humility, definitely, but also freedom. Freedom to pursue the futile. And the freedom to suck without caring is revelatory.

No one ever tells you how much you suck at something. Unless you have a mean boss, an abusive parent or a malicious friend, most people are happy to help us maintain the delusion that our efforts are not in vain. No, we cannot count on people around us to let us know how much we suck. It is far more acceptable to compliment than to criticize. So the onus is on us as individuals to admit to ourselves how much we suck at something. And then do it anyway.

To the physical meditation in humility and sympathy in a culture of “cocksuredness” – that strikes a chord with me. Doesn’t it feel like everyone’s super into everything they do, and they are super serious (re: proficient) about it, too? It’s not enough to go skiing, you have to go on some epic Art of Flight type excursion. It’s not enough to mess around on the guitar, you have to be in a band playing Hardly Strictly. It could be that I’m projecting here.

I read this article, and I wonder how much our pursuits are influenced by Facebook or Instagram. Do we do things for the feeling, or do we do things for the reaction? Rinaldi provides a great reminder to do it for the feeling, no matter how bad we look in pursuit of it. – PAL

Source: “(It’s Great to) Suck at Something”, Karen Rinaldi, The New York Times (4/28/17)

TOB: Surfing seems to me an activity that would be ok to do even if you sucked. You’re in the ocean, floating around, catching some rays, etc. What’s not to love? Though, doing it for FIVE years without EVER catching a wave takes some persistence that I doubt many possess. But, I get it. Though I am not a good singer, I love to belt out any song I know. Hell, as I type this, my 2-year old and I are singin’ the hell out of the Frozen soundtrack, his latest favorite. But otherwise, I don’t particularly enjoy spending time doing things I suck at. For example, I wouldn’t often choose to play soccer, because I’m not very good, and I’d rather spend my time  doing something I enjoy more. I get her point – it’s freeing to not be good, and still take enjoyment.  But the trick is finding an activity that you suck at and still enjoy. Easier said than done.

When to Put an Old Catcher Out to Pasture

Catchers, generally, are not great hitters. The venn diagram of people who are great hitters and have the skill-set to be great catchers has a very small overlap. So, when a great-hitting catcher comes along, almost immediately people start to ask, “When are we going to move him to first base?” Playing catcher is very tough on the body; it shortens careers and saps power. Moving to first base allows the player a longer, more productive career.

The question has been asked of Giants catcher Buster Posey pretty much from the time he entered the majors. He won a batting title and hit 28 home runs in 2012, being named MVP for his efforts. But that was five years ago. He just turned 30 and has hit just 5 home runs since last year’s All Star break. He’s still got a good batting average, but he hits for almost no power. History shows there will be no reversal – he will only get worse. And so, the discussion about when to move Posey to first are heating up. Move him to first, prolong his career another five years, and maybe even improve his hitting. Seems simple, right? Well, maybe not.

First, Posey doesn’t want to move:

“If I ever got to the point where they said, ‘Hey, we feel like this is better for the team,’ I’m not gonna be a guy that’s stubborn and says no,” Posey says. “Until they tell me that, my value is behind the plate. As cliché as it is, it’s about winning ballgames.”

Perhaps more importantly, is the concept of positional value. Even diminished, Posey is probably the best hitting catcher in the league. He would be far from the best first baseman in the league, though. As Jerry Crasnick points out: “[I]f a catcher is a strong producer behind the plate but middle-of-the-pack at another spot, what’s the point?” He’d also force Brandon Belt, at this point the Giants best hitter and a good defensive first baseman, to move to left field (or out of the organization) to make room. And THEN you have to replace Posey at catcher, who will not be as good of a hitter OR a catcher as Buster.

And if you think moving him to first will improve his hitting because he’s no longer enduring the grind of catching every day – look to Twins first baseman Joe Mauer. Mauer also won a batting title and an MVP. Then, injuries and the catching grind took its toll. Mauer became a singles hitter and could barely stay on the field. So he moved to first base…and he is a bottom of the league first baseman, ranking 22nd in slugging percentage last season. So, as Posey says, “I’m not saying this in an egotistical way, but I think there’s value in having a good hitter behind the plate and being able to put a bat at first base as well.”

He’s right, and the Giants know this. As Grant Brisbee points out in a companion article:

“Are the Giants better with Posey catching, Belt in left, and Shaw at first, or are they better with Nick Hundley catching, Posey at first, and Belt in left? You know the answer to this. And it doesn’t have to be Belt in left, either. The same question applies to the outfielder of your choice. Let’s say the Giants do something wild, like ‘acquire a good left fielder.’ Are the Giants better with Hundley catching and Belt on the bench in that scenario, just to get Posey out from behind the plate?”

You know they aren’t, and you know that they aren’t better with Hundley catching and Belt sitting in any scenario. This is an argument about the short-term, which isn’t really the primary concern elaborated by Crasnick, but it’s going to work for every season. If 

Replacement catcher + Posey at first + left fielder

… is better for the Giants than …

Posey catching + first baseman + left fielder

… then the real issue is that the Giants need to get a new left fielder.

Exactly. Let Posey, still a great hitter for a catcher, and the best defensive catcher in the league, well…catch, damnit. As Buster said: “Maybe my career is three years shorter this way. But I know I’m getting the most out of it.” -TOB

Source: “A Catcher’s Dilemma: How Much Longer Can Buster Posey Stay Behind the Plate“, Jerry Crasnick, ESPN (04/27/2017); “Buster Posey Still Wants to Catch, and the Giants Will Let Him“, Grant Brisbee, McCovey Chronicles (04/28/2017)

PAL: With the exception of 2 years in his career, Mauer’s been primarily a singles hitter from day one. That MVP season was a sticks out like a sore thumb on his baseball reference page. 

As a guy who logged a some time in the squat, I love watching Buster Posey play. Favorite Giant to date. He’s one of those guys that is so good at something so difficult that he makes it look ho-hum. And while his power numbers at the plate have been declining, I think he just might win a batting title this year. You heard it here first!

Mauer, known as ‘Baby Jesus’ back in Minnesota when he was winning batting titles (2006, 2008, 2009) and Gold Gloves (2008, 2009, 2010) for the Twins, was everyone’s favorite catcher. My mom remains in the “Joey Mauer” super-fan club. He should have been mine, but his knack for dumping singles into left field with two outs and nobody on base drove me nuts. 

I’m lucky to have been in San Francisco to watch Posey – every bit as good defensively as Mauer – rake at the plate while leading the teams to titles.

I’d take Posey over anyone else of his generation. You can have Molina and his neck tattoos. It’s also worth noting Bruce Bochy, a former catcher, has been captaining the Giants ship throughout Posey’s career, and I like how they are utilizing interleague play, mixed in with some games at first, to keep his games played in the 140-150 range, while limiting his catching games to a bit over 100. That move, which they’ve been doing for a couple years now, will buy Posey at least a couple more years behind the plate.

Video of the Week:

Ahem. That’s a former Cal Bear with the smart, and patient, play.

PAL: Cal, Cal, Cal. A Cal fan would appreciate patience. They’ve been waiting for a winner since god knows when.

PAL Song of the Week: Monsters of Folk – “Whole Lotta Losin'”

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Required reading.

I Can’t Stop Thinking about Aaron Hernandez

Aaron Hernandez was convicted of murdering one person, recently acquitted of murdering two others, and allegedly shot another in the face. At the time of his apparent suicide on April 19, Hernandez was appealing the murder conviction that had him facing life in prison without parole.

As many of you know, Hernandez, 27, was also a very talented tight end for the Patriots. He was at one time the youngest player in the NFL, a major contributor to the team’s 2012 Super Bowl victory, and after just two years in the NFL, he was awarded $40M contract extension. He was so good that his troubled past – both in his hometown of Bristol, CT, and during his time at University of Florida – was worth the risk and the effort. 

Clearly, he had some major issues. From MMQB’s Albert Breer:

Both at Florida and in Foxboro, Hernandez had one of the defining qualities of a sociopath. As one coach of his whom I know well described him, “He’s the most talented liar I’ve ever been around.” As such, he could move as smoothly with guys in the financial district in Boston as he could with the people on the street in his hometown, something that facilitated the double life he was able to lead.

To many around him, it seemed like Hernandez had put his life in order. He was a beast on the field, and a favorite of owner Robert Kraft. But this timeline tells a different story:

• July 16, 2012: Two people are shot and killed in their car in Boston. This is the double murder of which Hernandez was recently acquitted.
• August 27, 2012: Hernandez signs a $40M contract extension with the Patriots and donates $50,000 to the Myra Kraft Giving Back Fund (Kraft had recently died of cancer).
• February 13, 2013: Alexander Bradley, then a close friend of Hernandez is shot in the face in Miami. Bradley was reportedly the only witness to the double homicide in Boston. Bradley survives, but does not name his Hernandez or any other assailant when police question him.
• June 13, 2013: Bradley files a lawsuit against Hernandez for, in plain speak, shooting him in the face.
• June 17, 2013: Odin Lloyd murdered, shot multiple times in the back and chest in a industrial park 1 mile from Hernandez’s house. Hernandez destroys the home security system, his phone, and hires a cleaning crew to his house the day Lloyd’s body is found. Hernandez is later convicted of the Lloyd murder.

In light of his apparent suicide, Breer recounts a dinner he had with Hernandez in Indianapolis in February 2013. While Breer doesn’t give an exact date of the dinner, the 2013 NFL Combine began on February 20 and ended on February 26, so it seems like Breer’s dinner with Hernandez took place 1-2 weeks after he allegedly shot Bradley, the only witness in the 2012 double-homicide. With this info top of mind, consider the following from Breer:

As for Hernandez himself, I think back to a February night in 2013 when I had dinner with him at a steakhouse in Indianapolis during the combine. I think about the truth of why he was there to talk to his then-coach, Bill Belichick, and about the way we treat athletes in this country…

…The Patriots’ then-star tight end was in Indy in February 2013 to tell Belichick he was going to spend the bulk of the coming months rehabbing his shoulder in California, rather than Massachusetts. Hernandez told me he was doing so to be closer to Tom Brady, who was spending the offseason in Los Angeles. It was only after Lloyd’s murder four months later that I found out that was far from the whole story.

I later discovered what Hernandez’s lawyer, Ronald Sullivan, detailed on WEEI radio in Boston earlier this week. Hernandez told Belichick that day in Indy that, at the very least, he needed to stay away from Foxboro because the heat was on back home in Connecticut. Hernandez broached the idea of a trade to get him out of the area. Belichick told Hernandez he couldn’t trade him but offered to help with security measures.

Hindsight certainly is 20/20, but this look back is down right scary. In my opinion, he killed two people in 2012, tried to kill the only witness, then killed another friend in less than a year. He was completely out of control and made one last effort to get as far away as possible by way of a trade.

Side note: There’s been some stories about whether or not the Patriots are on the hook to pay Hernandez’s estate millions of dollars because, at the time of his death, he was appealing the murder conviction. In Massachusetts, there’s a legal principle called “abatement ab initio”, which essentially means that if someone dies before he or she can exhaust all appeals, then they die innocent. This article makes a pretty strong case that, no, the Patriots in all likelihood are not on the hook. For one, Hernandez was very likely in breach of his contract. Second, he and the Patriots had a grievance settlement, which, in all likelihood, ended the matter once and for all.

One last thought, and I might be missing something, so please correct me if I am. Reports are that Hernandez had written “John 3:16” on his forehead before hanging himself with a bedsheet. Is it safe to assume there are no mirrors in a maximum security cell? If so, wouldn’t it be pretty difficult to write anything on your forehead without a mirror, considering you’d be essentially writing it backwards? I just tried tracing it on my forehead – it’s not easy to do. – PAL

Source: “Hernandez’s Suicide: Questions We’re Left Asking”, Albert Breer, MMQB (04/19/2017)

TOB: Such a great heart, that Belichick.

The Things New Englanders Do for Tom Brady

Words to live by: If you’re going to be loud and obnoxious, then be right, too.

The Boston Marathon was this past Monday (which my sister, Missy, completed and kicked butt once again). One guy, Abdul Dremali, found some great motivation for the runners on an unseasonably hot Patriots’ Day:

Funny. Local. Topical. Solid post! The pic was so good, in fact, that ESPN reached out and asked the Dremali (not the guy in the picture) if they could use it on its platforms. To put it politely, he said no, because of “the witch hunt” they led against pretty boy Tom Brady. He used other words, too, and it’s impossible to read them and not hear Morgan O’Mally, Casey Affleck’s character in Good Will Hunting, drunkenly uttering the tweet (click on the story for the unfiltered tweet). 

Dremali was the toast of the town. He gave permission for seemingly every other outlet to post the photo, even though Twitter is public so permission isn’t necessarily needed.

There was just one issue. Can you guess? It wasn’t Dremali’s picture. They were asking permission for a photo that wasn’t his, and Dremali never exactly corrected media outlets when they asked for permission they did not need.

https://twitter.com/GarrettQuinn/status/854023967748886528

Deadspin’s Samer Kalaf sums it up poetically: “There’s a lesson in all of this: Validation on the internet is the most addictive drug of all.”

Still, it was some damn good sign work. The real hero is the subject of the photo. I think those might be cargo shorts. – PAL

Source: “Patriots Fan’s Heat Check Goes Wrong”, Samer Kalaf, Deadspin (04/18/2017)

TOB: I’ll just leave this here:

Update: Bud Grant Garage Sale

In May, 2016, we posted about a tradition unlike any other: Bud Grant’s garage sale. This year will be the last garage sale for the Minnesota Vikings hall of fame coach. His reason is pretty straightforward: “I’m running out of stuff.”

This last one comes with a great marketing campaign: a Bud Grant bobble head.

Grant, who led the Vikings to 4 Super Bowls (0-4), is a big deal to football fans in Minnesota. He’d definitely be on the Mount Rushmore of Minnesota coaches. With this in mind, it’s kind of crazy to think he’s never had a bobble head. Well, not a mass produced one at least (a few prototypes were made, but Grant and the bobble head maker could not agree on a price).

Grant has been approached about a bobble head many times. So why the change of heart this year?

“[S]omebody suggested to have them at your garage sale to advertise. You’ve got to have a hook. You can’t just say, ‘Come to my garage sale and buy baby clothes.’ ’’

That’s true, Hall of Fame football coach and Minnesota legend. It’s not the baby clothes that brings them to your garage sale. – PAL

Source: “Bud Grant’s final garage sale will include unique bobble head“, Chris Tomasson, Pioneer Press (4/20/17)

NFL Doctors: We Should Receive Military Exemptions Because Our Players Are Warriors on the Field of Battle

photo: Robert Clanflone/Getty Images

The arrogance of the NFL knows no bounds. There is presently a federal class action lawsuit against the NFL brought by former players regarding the illegal distribution of addictive painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs by NFL teams to its players. At a meeting in 2011, the DEA warned the NFL doctors and trainers about drug laws and how the NFL was violating them. The DEA gave a presentation, and the doctors got defensive, and angry:

“Rannazzisi lectured them on their duties and responsibilities in the context of the opioid epidemic that was sweeping the country. The doctors felt they were being compared to pill pushers, and the meeting became confrontational. “He was treating everyone like a criminal,” said one doctor in attendance.

The teams’ medical personnel were unhappy with the DEA official’s tone, his message and the laws he was outlining. Groans, catcalls and even some boos filled the hotel ballroom at times.”

“I’d done hundreds of presentations,” Rannazzisi said in a recent interview. “I’d never experienced that before.”

One doctor gave some insight into just how warped the NFL really is:

“The 2011 Indianapolis meeting marked a flash point for the NFL in which team medical personnel were advised of the federal laws they later would be accused of violating. Those in the Indianapolis ballroom say the doctors were particularly frustrated to learn they couldn’t travel with prescription-strength medications across state lines to road games, as they had for years.

At one point, Rannazzisi said, a doctor raised his hand and asked why the president is able to travel with drugs aboard Air Force One. The DEA official explained that Air Force One is a military plane and statutes allow exemptions for military aircraft to move drugs around the country.

Who was this doctor? Kellen Winslow, Jr.?

Needless to say, the lecture did not help. NFL teams continued their illegal practices, indiscriminately pumping their players with dangerous levels of drugs, allegedly. Good work, guys. -TOB

Source: “The DEA Warned NFL Doctors About Drugs Laws in 2011. It Didn’t Go Well“, Rick Maese, Washington Post (04/20/2017)

Video of the Week: 

PAL Song of the Week: Kendrick Lamar – “DUCKWORTH.”

Sorry, song is not on youtube. 

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Life advice.

Jim Harbaugh Never Ceases to Amaze

I do not say this facetiously: Jim Harbaugh might be the Most Interesting Man in the World of Sports. He’s a hell of a football coach. We recently covered his insane competitive streak. But Harbaugh is interesting because his interests don’t stop at the turnstiles to the football stadium. Harbaugh first made a name for himself as a coach at Stanford, and he did that in no small part due to his early adoption of Twitter as a recruiting tool. He’d use veiled references to potential recruits to send them public messages, without running afoul of the NCAA prohibition against coaches commenting publicly on unsigned recruits. Some of these tweets were pretty heady, laced with obscure literary references.

So it was only with some surprise that I read Harbaugh’s tweet critical of President Trump’s proposed defunding of Legal Services Corp., a group providing legal aid to low income persons.

It was, however, with much surprise that I read this corresponding interview of Harbaugh by Politico. Harbaugh, it seems, has been involved with LSC for a number of years. Frankly, Harbaugh reveals himself to be well-educated on the issues LSC aims to address. For example:

One of the biggest issues that got me most fired up is how fines and fees are being used to punish the poor. I’ve learned how the devastating effect it can have on lives of low income Americans. I mean across the country 48 states have increased civil court fees since 2010 and they’re using those fees to pay for government services and not just courts but roads and generating millions and in some states billions of dollars.

But basically the crux of it is when people can’t afford to pay a fine or a fee for things like a speeding ticket or municipal violation then they get additional fees. Late fees can start piling up and these fees can double, triple, quadruple the total amount due and if somebody has an inability to pay that fine that can quickly snowball into a driver’s license suspension or driver time. People aren’t even able to go to work. So you can’t pay a fine or a fee and then you lose your driver’s license. You’re not able to get to a job, and a lot of people, I mean, they’ve got to work.

As you can see, Harbaugh is fully into this, which should be no surprise because Harbaugh doesn’t do anything half-assed. Though I do love how Harbaugh he is about it, talking about how it got him “fired up.” But I really loved this exchange:

Politico: Is there a line you try to walk on political issues? There are other high profile coaches who have increasingly begun speaking out about politics.

Harbaugh: No, I wouldn’t say that. I’m not saying this as a football coach, I’m saying this as an American. I’m for America first.

Politico: Well that’s a Trump slogan right now—America First.

Harbaugh: I wasn’t aware of that.

Politico: Yeah, he likes saying that.

Harbaugh: As [Madison] said in Federalist 51, ‘Justice is the end of government, the end of civil society. It ever has been [and] ever will be pursued until it be obtained or until liberty be lost in the pursuit.’

Oh, DANG. First, Harbaugh “unknowingly” drops a Trumpism. Is it really unknowing, though? Or is Harbaugh throwing shade Trump’s way? And then Harbaugh drops an off-the-cuff quote from the Federalist Papers!? Are you kidding me? Get the hell out of here, man! Harbaugh for public office! -TOB

Source: “Why Jim Harbaugh Took a Shot at Trump’s Budget”, Daniel Strauss, Politico (03/25/2017)

PAL: If you think that Federalist Papers quote was off-the-cuff, then I have some magic beans to sell you, TOB. I’ll admit that I’m impressed he’s been involved with the organization for a number of years. It’s no surprise that he’s all-in for real, because I can’t imagine him having a passing interest in anything. All this is good—a genuinely interesting tidbit—but if you think he wasn’t up the night before the Politico interview googling “justice quotes”, or at least copying the quote from the bottom of the Legal Services Corp. monthly newsletter, then you’re simply kidding yourself, TOB.

TOB: You continue to underestimate how deeply obsessive and weird Jim Harbaugh is.

What ‘Hitting the Wall’ Actually Means

It’s a terrible, irreversible moment. We’ve all experienced ‘hitting the wall’ at some point in our lives, whether it was during your first marathon, during a competitive game back in high school, or even swimming in a lake at altitude; At some point during a physical workout, the body says ‘nope’, and that’s the end of it, whether we realize it or not.

But what’s really going on in our body at that very moment? I mean physiologically – why do our legs stop pumping and our minds get cloudy? This story, with the help from Sports Scientist Ross Tucker, provides the fascinating explanation with a painful-to-watch example, courtesy of runner Joshua Cheptegei.

In normal circumstances, e.g., out on a run at a comfortable pace in the cool evening, the brain monitors the health of the body – the temperature, the energy distribution to the muscles, blood pressure, oxygen. All this works as a complex algorithm.

In extreme situations, e.g. running in a professional cross country race in front of a hometown crowd on an 82 degree day, that algorithm can get way out of whack in a hurry. As Tucker puts it:

Body temperature is perhaps the most obvious: you go too fast, you produce too much heat, and if you can’t lose it, your body temperature rises. And which organ is under threat? The brain, because it doesn’t do well at all once it hits temperatures around 40C (104F). So basically, the judgment of pace is a balance between how much muscle can be activated before the potential for physical harm becomes too great.

For 9,400 meters of a 10K race, it appears to the observer that Cheptegei’s algorithm is processing perfectly.

Cheptegei was sailing. Smooth, untroubled, strong—you could point to him and confidently say, “That’s what running is supposed to look like.” Knees high, chest forward, the look of a champion. Sure, he’d already run a blistering 8000 meters, at a pace the very experienced Kamworor would later called “suicidal,” but see—he was clear, he was going to keep it up. With only five-ish minutes of running remaining, he was invincible, focused, glorious.

And then, in the amount of time it takes to make a few camera switches, this happens: 

The human body is spectacular — in triumph and in failure. – PAL

Source: “Ahead For 9,400 Meters, Joshua Cheptegei Wobbles To Finish At World Cross Country Championships”, Sarah Barker, Deadspin (3/28/17)

That Didn’t Take Long

The writing was on the wall, but now it’s official: The Oakland Raiders are moving to Las Vegas after Alameda County refused to publicly subsidize a new stadium. Meanwhile, Clark County (Vegas) has promised an estimated $750MM ($354 per resident) for a new stadium via a hotel tax hike.

I’ve given my rant on the scam that is publicly financed stadiums. Aside from the fact that this hotel tax will reduce the amount of tax dollars going to public schools, and let’s ignore that Oakland and Alameda County taxpayers are on the hook for $163MM after the Raiders and Warriors leave town, what’s really great about the Las Vegas Raiders is how quickly this became so, shall we say, strippy.

[B]ordello owner Dennis Hof plans to open a new Raiders-themed ‘sex palace’ some 70 miles away from the Las Vegas strip. It will reportedly be called the Pirate’s Booty Sports Brothel and it’s scheduled to open in 2020, around the time the Las Vegas Raiders stadium will open.

I wonder if Hof will have to pay a licensing fee to the NFL? Whatever the case may be, Raiders players and staff should rest assured they’ll be taken care of in the brothel department: Hof also plans to give Raiders players and staff a 50% discount. – PAL

Source: “Raiders-style brothel already planned for Las Vegas area”, Alyssa Pereira, SFGate (3/28/17)

Video of the Week: 

PAL Song of the Week: Willie Nelson – “Stay a Little Longer”

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Hockey explores flow. Baseball explores bad facial hair. Just the way it is.

Floetry In Motion

You know it. You love it. A tradition unlike any other. The annual All Hockey Hair team from the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament. Before we get to this year’s Top 10, I just have to say how much I thoroughly respect the delivery and writing on these videos. Someone give John King a sitcom already. Hockey Dads, premiering Tuesday nights on ABC. Just has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? – PAL

TOB: He did say he moved to New York. Maybe he got a job in the biz?

First, enjoy the full video, then check out our commentary on the rankings.

#10: Tommy from the champs, who reminds us long hair don’t care as he catches the wind just right.

PAL: The P.D.M and layered wings is timeless. The ladies love it, and Tommy B. knows it.

TOB: Truthfully, this is the best hair of the bunch. A real snub to fall all the way to #10.

#9 They say life is a series of ebbs and flows. Well, Nick, from Eden Prairie hasn’t seen an ebb in quite a while.

PAL: Classic filth. Nick plays it off like he’s joking about loving his hair, but he seriously loves his hair. I wonder if his mom has that fried bleached look like Dr. Zasio on Hoarders? I bet you she does. 

TOB: Bill Simmons did not get that joke.

#8 Anyone named Dallas has a shot of making the team. What’s he’s smirking about? He just shot J.R.

PAL: Great symmetry in the back. It’s really about that up-curl. The mustache is narsty with a ‘r’. The detail that really completes the ensemble here is the untied jersey laces. This is a kid who will not wear undershirts to work as an adult.

TOB: Imagine your daughter brings this guy home. You’d know you did not read to her enough when she was a little kid.

#7 You’ve heard of an afro? Say hello to an af-flow.

PAL: I like this. #7 might be a reach, but it’s natural. Wild. He really got the most out of it.

TOB: Not everyone can have flow like us, Phil.

#6 You know what the definition of intense is? Being the only guy on your team to dye your hair. We call this the Raggedy Andy.

PAL: Can’t believe this made the top 10. King is a visionary, but this pick was terrible, and nearly in the top 5, no less! That’s hallowed ground.  

TOB: Is this kid already going bald? That’s a high hairline he’s hiding.

#5 Do not adjust your screens. We’re not in HD. That’s just the perfect hair of Tyler from O.M.G.

PAL: This is the stuff of top 5. Feathery. Light. Is he the villain from an 80s high school movie? He could be, and that’s the point.

TOB: Not my style. I prefer #10.

#4 Next up, Griffin from Wayzata gives us some old school dirtay. That’s D-I-R-T-A-Y.

PAL: A ‘Griffin’ from Wayzata, eh? Cake-eater name from a cake-eater town. His dad drove to this game in a Mercedes…but the cake-eater nails the hair, dammit. Worthy of a top 5.

TOB: Call me old-fashioned, I don’t like the “dirtay”. I like natural flow.

#3 We found the Hanson brothers of special hockey here.

PAL: For my money, the guy on the left should’ve been number 1. It’s just perfect. No bells and whistles, and he isn’t joking around like Dallas up above. I can’t imagine this dude having any other flow, and I don’t want to. It’s perfect. His hockey hair is meant to be.

TOB: He looks like Noel Gallagher. It’s great. And you can tell he does it for the love of the flow, and not the limelight, because he’s very unhappy about the camera in his face.

#2 We call this next look the Charlie Sheen, because Tanner’s mullet has party in the back and the front.

PAL: Damn, this is good. The voluminous fluff is mesmerizing. Soft-core, 80s style. This kid’s trouble, but you’re parents oddly defend him because he’s always addressed them in the formal ‘Mr.’ and ‘Mrs.’.

TOB: It’s so bad that it goes beyond being so-bad-it’s-good to just being bad again.

#1 And, man, did we need this kid. I mean, look at this. The extra bonus flip for the fans. In a year with lots of, ah, geometrics and Bruno Mars haircuts, this kid was here to remind us what it’s all about and inspire a new generation.

PAL: The hair is so good, you don’t need to see the front. God touched him and gave him flow.

TOB: I died laughing at this one: “Top of the charts we have Reagan Garden. They don’t tell you his middle name’s Olive, because he’s brought unlimited salad to the tournament for everyone.” Good god, I want this guy to narrate my life.

So there you have it, the 2017 All Hockey Hair Team. We really need to go cover the State Tourney next year, TOB. – PAL

Source: “2017 All Hockey Hair Team”, John King, Game On Minnesota (03/11/17)

Shut Down the NFL

In 2015, a class-action suit was filed against all 32 NFL teams alleging they gave players painkillers and anti-inflammatory medicines in a manner violating federal drug laws. The plaintiffs have now asked to amend the complaint to make new allegations uncovered in discovery. The short of it is, NFL teams were pumping their players with enough drugs to kill large animals, without explaining to players what they were being given and the possible side-effects, both short and long term. Team trainers and doctors talked openly about avoiding crackdowns from the DEA. Trainers, not authorized to administer or give prescription medication, did so routinely, including in so-called T-Trains, where players would line up to receive a shot of Toradol, a strong painkiller with severe side effects. Just handing them out like candy. No big deal. The part that really made me sick to my stomach was this account from former Seahawks offensive lineman Jerry Wunsch:

On November 22, 2003, the night before an away game in Baltimore, Maryland, trainer Ken Smith gave named Plaintiff Jerry Wunsch an Ambien. The next day, before the game, Coach Holmgren asked Mr. Wunsch if he could play, despite excruciating pain down the whole right side of his body, to which Mr. Wunsch replied “I can’t play, Coach. I can’t play today. It’s my first game. I just can’t do it.” Coach Holmgren then called Sam Ramsden, the Seahawks’ trainer, and asked “what can we do to help Mr. Wunsch play today.” Mr. Ramsden brought the doctors over, who gave him a 750 mg dose of Vicodin and Tylenol-Codeine #3, saying they would help, even though Mr. Wunsch was already taking anti-inflammatories as prescribed by his doctors. He played – feeling high – and after half time, the Medications wore off and he told anyone who would listen that he could not play anymore, but Mr. Ramsden, the head trainer, gave him another 750 mg of Vicodin on the field for the second half, telling Mr. Wunsch, “Don’t sue me personally for this.”

Meanwhile, as a Deadspin commenter pointed out, wide receiver Josh Morgan’s career is done because he smoked pot. Christ. Pain is your body’s way of saying there is a problem. Taking a painkiller in order to continue playing football can only make things worse, as you can’t feel the damage you’re doing. But do NFL teams care? Nope. Do the coaches care? Hell no. Do the doctors and trainers care? Not enough to have a god damn backbone and uphold the standard of care. No, instead, they do their best to keep the NFL “pill counters…off  the trail.” The only solution, other than ending football, is for the NFLPA to hire and control the employment of all doctors and trainers. The doctors and trainers should not report to the teams or coaches in any respect, and the NFL should foot the bill by granting the NFLPA the money to pay for this. What an evil corporation. -TOB

Source: “Lawsuit: NFL Teams Repeatedly Broke Federal Drug Laws, Handed Opioids Out Like Candy”, Laura Wagner, Deadspin (03/10/2017)

PAL: Let’s just stop watching the games already. Seriously, what the hell are we doing? NFL teams ignored concerns raised about concussions, and they’ve knowingly provided highly addictive prescription drugs to be used in a way they were not intended to be used at an alarming rate. Aside from those real concerns, television networks, blogs, podcasts, and fantasy sports have made a 16-game season a 365-day circus to the point where we receive daily updates about a crappy former NFL player’s publicity stunt of a professional baseball career. It sucks on a moral level, and it sucks on an entertainment level. Just stop.

Jim Harbaugh Would be the Worst Brother-in-Law

Imagine, for a moment, that one day your sister comes home and tells you she’s dating a famous quarterback, or a famous football coach. Hmm, you think. That could come with some perks. Some time passes and you get to know him a bit. He’s a busy guy, but he treats your sister well, and she’s very happy, and you get to attend football games and go on nice vacations and man isn’t life great? Now imagine that quarterback/coach is Jim Harbaugh. Welcome to your worst nightmare, pal. Jim’s brother, John, the head coach of the NFL’s Baltimore Ravens relays this story of Jim’s insane competitive streak, which veers well beyond “hyper competitive athlete” and into “absolute crazy person”:

Last Memorial Day we did vacation together. My wife and I have a cottage up north in Michigan on Lake Huron. We… have a basketball hoop in the front yard in the driveway, and we were going to play a little game with the kids, and we just started shooting around, and next thing you know it was a 4-on-4 game. It was Jack, who is two-and-a-half, Addy, who is six, Katie, who is four-and-a-half or five at the time, Allison who is 13 or 14 and she is a little basketball player, and Jim and me and Sarah, my wife. We’re playing, and you can picture the kind of game it is, right? Allison happens to hit a couple jumpers and we’re playing to seven, and we’re up maybe 5-1. Next thing you know, Jim starts going over the top of Allison for rebounds, he’s boxing her out 10 feet away from the basket. Next thing you know, it’s 5-5 and Jim has made all the shots for his team of course. I’m like, you know, maybe Addy would like to touch the ball? Maybe Katie or Jack could dribble a little bit now and then? It goes 6-6 and a long rebound comes out the side, he goes and gets it. I see Allison happens to be over there, so I see him going to the basket, he’s going to take Allison to the hole, you know, he’s about 6’3″, 235, so I’m going to go cut him off. I get him with my right arm bar across his chest and I’m trying to body check him into the pricker bushes behind the driveway, and he just powers his way to the basket, lays one over the top, a reverse layup off the board, and all he could talk about is how he won. He picks up Jack and says, ‘Doesn’t it feel great, Jack, to win? Doesn’t it feel great to win?’ An hour later we were crossing paths in the backyard to go get a soda or something, and he looks me right in the eye and he says, ‘Hey John, have you won anything yet?’”

John, of course, should have had the easiest retort in the world: “Yeah, Jim. I won a Super Bowl. How you like them apples?” It doesn’t say what he actually said. But can you imagine having to deal with a person like that at every family gathering?  -TOB

Source: “A Free Agency Free-For-All”, Peter King, MMQB (03/13/2017)

PAL: Hyper-competitive, or immature man-child dick? Maybe they are the same thing. I selling Jim Harbaugh. His act will wear thin (again).

It Costs a Whole Lot to Pretend You’re Something That You’re Not

Rutgers University joined the Big Ten (14 Teams) in 2014. Aside from one good season in football, Rutgers is not a competitive Big Ten team in the sports that generate the most revenue: football and men’s basketball.

That hasn’t stopped the athletic department from spending like a big-timer. It has has been running at a $20M annual deficit since 2006. In 2016, it reported a $28.6M deficit, including a $10M+ loan from the university bank at an interest rate of 5.75% (repayment: $18M). The Scarlet Knights are getting money from seemingly anywhere. $11M in student fees diverted. $17.1M from the university’s general fund.

Why is this happening? Because Rutgers joined a power conference, and in 2021 the university will receive its full share of that TV contract money (as much as $40M). In other words, they would like you to believe they are investing in the future.

The problem is the people making those investments haven’t done a very good job. A large chunk of money can’t be called an ideal investment, as it’s being given to fired coaches, athletic program employees, and buyouts for sports marketing firms. Over $12M in total. Giving bad decision-makers more money is how you end up paying $12M for people to not work for you.

And the school just signed an 11-year, $65M contract with a new sports marketing firm.

Yes – ramping up to become competitive football and basketball teams in a “power conference” is going to take some money (the football and basketball teams were 0-9 and 3-15 in conference play this year). It also takes a bit more competence than what has been put forth is the article linked below.

And let’s be real for a second: Setting aside scandals of Penn State proportions, Rutgers is not going to consistently compete with the big boys of the Big Ten any time soon.

With that in mind, Rutgers might want to think long and hard about the path they are on and remember the following numbers as they continue take money from academics:

• $45K: Cost of out-of-state attendance (tuition, room & board, books, etc.)
• 30 percent: Amount of curriculum is taught by contract teachers

Let’s look at the bright side: Rutgers can look forward to participating in a bunch of Big Ten Homecoming weekends. They are the kind of team better programs bring in to guarantee a win with all the alumni in town. – PAL

Source: “Chasing Big Sports Goals, Rutgers Stumbles Into a Vat of Red Ink”, Michael Powell, The New York Times (3/12/17)

Brent Musburger: Not America’s Grandpa – More Like Its Creepy, Degenerate Uncle

For years, Brent Musburger announced all manner of major sporting events – the World Series, major College Bowl Games, and the Super Bowl, among many others. I always preferred Keith Jackson (Whooooa, Nellie!”), but only by a hair. They both seemed like kindly old grandpa, beamed into your living room each week for the country’s biggest college football games – the sports I associate them with the most.

But over the years, Musburger started to show another side. It began with subtle gambling references – when a team got a late, otherwise meaningless touchdown in a blowout, Musburger said, “Some scores mean more than others.” The score had pushed the total points for the game over the over/under – so a lot of people won or lost a lot of money because of that touchdown. He grew more bold with his gambling comments, often referencing his “friends in the desert” and mentioning the insights they had provided him about that game. He even once even mentioned the early Super Bowl point spread in the closing moments of the conference championship game he was announcing, after getting the info from one of the aforementioned “friends in the desert”. Musburger came out of his shell more the older he got – few will forget the time he kickstarted Jenn Sterger’s career when the camera panned to her in the crowd at an FSU football game, and Brent said lustily, “1,500 red-blooded Americans just decided to apply to Florida State.”

In his last big game, he defended Joe Mixon, the Oklahoma running back, who had served a year-long suspension for breaking a female student’s face. The video of the punch was released just days before the game, and the 2-year old story was back in the forefront. Musburger did not come off well, and during the game was told of the Twitter backlash. He went off. Just weeks later, it was abruptly announced he was retiring, and a random SEC basketball game in January would be his last ever broadcast. Many assumed ESPN had finally had enough with Brent.

Not so, says Brent. He has “retired” to Vegas, and now hosts a sports gambling show on Sirius Radio. Brent hosts the show live in a studio in the middle of the gambling floor of a Vegas casino. This article profiles Brent as his show is getting kicked off. I knew he had become America’s creepy uncle, but goddamn, Brent loves gambling. It’s an entertaining read, as you see a side of Brent few have seen. -TOB

Source: “Brent Musburger Used to Make Veiled Gambling References. Now He’s Dropped the Veil”, Adam Kilgore, Washington Post (03/14/2017)

PAL: 70 year-olds truly don’t give a shit about what other people think. A lot of them make semi-creepy comments about younger women. Most of them love Vegas. Musberger, 77, is simply old. His not giving a damn just happened to take place on national television. Go do the lame gambling show. Those shows are the worst.

Video of the Week:

PAL Song of the Week: Sylvan Esso – “Play It Right”

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“I’m over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and it’s B.S. – excuse my language. I’m just saying that I wash and dry; I’m like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke – no offense – it’s just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it’s bullshit – and I’m sorry. I’m not putting down your profession, but it’s just the way I feel. I don’t want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food – no offense – and I just think that I don’t need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There’s three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin’ break! I’m sorry for cursing.”

-Seth

Adrian knows it: Adult autograph seekers at Spring Training are an embarrassment. 

The story of MLB’s first true free agent has absolutely everything to do a with a farm loan.

S.I. ran an excerpt from Jason Turbow’s recent release about the Oakland A’s titled Dynastic, Bombastic, Fantastic: Reggie, Rollie, Catfish, and Charlie Finley’s Swingin’ A’s. If the following story is indicative of the broader work, then I’m going to love it. 

In 1970 A’s owner Charles Finley loaned a then 23 year-old Catfish Hunter 150K for a farm in North Carolina. Hunter would pay back the loan at a minimum of 20K a year + 6% interest.

No problem for a big league ball player, except that it was, because Hunter was making about 33K playing for the A’s in 1970.

Shortly after making the loan, Finley purchase an A.B.A. basketball team and was a little cash- strapped. The quickest way to get some money back was recouping his loan. He harassed Hunter and even Hunter’s father for the money, repeatedly calling the pitcher minutes before he took the mound on game days. But the loan was gone. Hunter had already purchased the farm.

Eventually, Hunter sold 80% of the farm to a family friend and returned the money Finley loaned him. But the experience set the stage with Finley the next time a contract came up.

“On Feb. 11, 1974, Hunter agreed with Finley on a two-year deal at $100,000 per—only the second multiyear contract the Owner ever awarded. Hunter was by that time among baseball’s best pitchers, with three straight 20-win seasons, three All-Star appearances in four years, and back-to-back top-five finishes in the Cy Young voting. Although his contemporaries were earning much more—Tom Seaver made $173,000 in 1974, and Steve Carlton $165,000—Catfish had no way of knowing that. He’d always wanted to earn six figures, and when Finley made the offer it seemed just fine.

“There was only one caveat, Hunter said. His attorney back home in North Carolina, J. Carlton Cherry, had advised him to defer some of it. Put it into a life insurance annuity, he said, which could be cashed in for additional income once Hunter’s baseball career ended. The benefit to this arrangement was that instead of being in a high tax bracket in 1974, Hunter would be taxed later on, when he was effectively unemployed and on the hook for a smaller amount.

“That is exactly how Cherry wrote the addendum: $50,000 per year, to be paid at regular intervals through the season, and $50,000 disbursed to an entity of Hunter’s choosing. Finley agreed. The benefit to Finley was that he got to hold on to the money in the interim, earning interest on it all the while.

“The difference with Hunter’s stipulation was that the Owner wouldn’t have the money at all—the annuity would. Even less palatable for Finley was the discovery that about $25,000 in taxes was due immediately, and he would be the one paying them.”

Immediately, Finley failed to pay the annuity. Hunter and his representatives demanded payment throughout the season, but Finley refused. Hunter and his representatives began to make noise that Finely was in breach of his contract and would try to get out of the contract and be a free agent after the season. The story started to make its way to he public during the 1974 World Series between the A’s and the the Dodgers. The A’s won, completing a World Series 3-pete, with Hunter tossing a gem in Game 3.

After the World Series, a 3-arbitrator panel ruled Finley had breached his contract, ordered him to pay Catfish the $50,000 annuity, and declared Hunter a free agent. MLB, and the A’s, were furious, but couldn’t do much. The best pitcher in baseball was suddenly a free agent. In the years before free agency, this was a big story. A bidding war took place in a small town in Hunter’s home state of North Carolina. Remember, a true free agent was uncharted territory for baseball, and some of the offers to Hunter were pretty fascinating:

• Pirates offered limited partnership in 5 Walmarts
• Royals: College tuition, money for the farm, and 50K for life (Hunter almost went with this one, and maybe would have, if not for a poorly timed joke by Royals’ brass)
• Padres (owned by Ray Kroc) : McDonald’s stock, and a McDonald’s franchise.
• The Yankees were involved, too (obviously), but Steinbrenner’s out of the picture due to a suspension making illegal campaign contributions to Richard Nixon and was temporarily banned from contact.

Hunter’s free agency has a hint of Forrest Gump to it. Baseball innocence – a player named Catfish – becomes a free agent due to a farm loan gone bad. In the process he’s a brushes up against giants of American industry (Walmart, McDonald’s) and politics (Nixon by way of Steinbrenner).

This is my favorite story of the year so far. – PAL

Source: “How a contract breach led Catfish Hunter to baseball’s first real free agent”, Jason Turbow, via Sports Illustrated (3/6/17)

TOB: This book sounds great. Deadspin also had an excerpt, about the time A’s first baseman and former Cal football and baseball player Mike Epstein whooped the hell out of Reggie Jackson:

The team’s pass lists sat atop a picnic table at the far side of the room: a blue sheet for players to leave tickets for family members (the better seats), and a white sheet for friends. Reggie Jackson hovered above them, eyes squinting in scrutiny, until one name in particular caught his eye. “Berman?” he asked, perusing the blue list. “Who put down for these?” Per Rangers policy, players were allowed four seats from the blue list and only two from the white, so first baseman Mike Epstein had used his family passes for friends of his father—the delightfully named Sherman Berman and family—to ensure that they sat together. This was not unusual practice.

“I’m appointing it my business,” replied Jackson.

…

“Don’t buy more than you can handle,” Epstein warned.

Years’ worth of proximity enabled the players who came up with Jackson—Duncan, Rudi, Bando—to differentiate his confrontational, bark-not-bite nature from something actually nefarious. For guys like Epstein who were new to the team, however, such distinctions were not always so easy.

Most of the players had only just arrived at the ballpark and were still dressing when the exchange took place. Watching the brewing confrontation warily, Joe Rudi was the first to pipe up. “Back off,” he sternly warned Reggie. “Don’t mess with him.”

Epstein threw Jackson to the floor, straddling him and peppering him with punches. When he grabbed Reggie by the throat and began choking him, traveling secretary Tom Corwin raced to get Dick Williams, and players jumped up to intercede. First to the fray was Gene Tenace, hardly a diminutive figure, who found himself entirely unable to budge the irate behemoth. “Reggie’s eyes are spinning around in his head and I think, this ain’t working,” said Tenace, looking back. “I’ve got to get his hands off of Reggie. How am I going to do that?” Eventually the catcher wrapped his forearm around Epstein’s windpipe and, with full force, pulled. Epstein fell backward onto Tenace, sending both men tumbling to the floor.

Reggie Jackson, what a piece of work.

Blue Chip Recruit Has Yet to Play a Down

We’ve heard stories of – for lack of a better term – size marvel athletes at the in the youth ranks, usually in basketball and football. The rail-thin 7-footer from some random place. The 200-pound 5th grader who the league has barred for the safety of the other kids. Daniel Faalele isn’t exactly that story.

First of all, it’s not just that he’s a massive human being, it’s that he’s proportional and seemingly normal in terms of coordination and flexibility. He played rugby and basketball as a younger kid.

Writer Andy Stark puts in this way:

“Seeing Faalele in the flesh can yield one of two radically different impressions: When he’s by himself, he looks smaller than advertised because he’s so well-proportioned; when he’s alongside a normal-sized human being, he looks even more massive than his dimensions would suggest. It’s as if someone fed the size of the ideal NFL offensive tackle into a 3D printer and set the output to 120%.”

Second, he hasn’t yet played a down. He was living in Melbourne and football wasn’t on his radar. Faalele was working out in a gym when a Hawaii coach noticed him. The coach offered Faalele a scholarship on the spot. Next was a Michigan satellite camp held in Australia. It wasn’t long before Faalele and his mom grasped the potential for a college education and potential for a professional career, and they realized he would need to move to the U.S. to play high school football. He ended up at IMG. This is not a regular high school.

IMG is a sport academy. Actually, it’s the sports academy, with an alumni that includes José Fernández, Michael Beasley, Elton Brand, Kyle Turley, the Williams sisters, and André Agassi.

Third, he’s “playing” against some of the best high school players in the country. When he’s practicing, he’s practicing against a boatload of big time college football commits. He’s not a sideshow, and he already has offers from Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, Florida State, Hawaii, Miami, Michigan and Oregon State while he learns the game.

When he came to IMG, he knew zero about football and its rules. The coaches on the team decided to keep him on as a practice squad to start with the basics (what a yard is, why and when teams punt the ball – stuff like that).  But Faalele is getting it, and has demonstrated a sincere interest in learning the game. When it comes together, the results are radical.

“In one of Faalele’s early practices (Derrick) Elder (offensive line coach) taught him to punch the pass rusher with both hands, then grab his chest. During a one-on-one drill that day, Faalele fired his hands to disrupt the lineman’s charge. Then one hand disappeared inside the rusher’s shoulder pads and the kid went limp. Sensing something wrong, Faalele let go and backed away. ‘He had grabbed [the defender’s] collarbone,’ Elder says, shaking his head at the memory. Elder clarified: Seize the chest plate of the shoulder pads. ‘His hands are steel,’ Elder says. ‘If he gets them on you, it’s over. Doesn’t matter if he has good technique or bad technique, it’s over.’”

Fourth, the coaches understand their responsibility here. They are likely never going to have someone so big with so much raw talent come into their lives. Faalele’s literally off the charts, and so they try to adjust accordingly. The head of sports science at IMG (like I said, this is not a regular high school) put it this way: “The pressure is on us. The support structure around him here and at his college needs to do right by him.”

All this is fun to think about, but as Staples writes, “[I]t won’t matter how huge Faalele is or how much power he can generate if he can’t perform as a player. By the time he makes his debut, he’ll be one of the nation’s most sought-after offensive line prospects.”

This is a well-written piece, and a fun read to boot. – PAL

Source: “Think big: 6’9″, 396-pound Daniel Faalele has coaches drooling—and he’s never played a down”, Andy Staples, Sports Illustrated (3/6/17)

TOB: I know juuuuuuust enough about both offensive line play and coaches trying to sell a product to be skeptical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for Faalele. He seems like a good kid, and it would be fun to see someone that big dominate football. But to be an offensive lineman requires at a high level requires much more than power, which Faalele has in spades. It requires foot speed, balance, agility, and a keen understanding of the game of football. He’s going to soon be facing some of the best athletes in the world whose goal is to run by him and crush the quarterback. Faalele’s coaches talk a lot about his power – the power he generates in the gym, the power he generates on the field, knocking players over in practice. And they mention he played rugby and basketball. But you don’t hear them actually say anything about how well he pass blocks, and that speaks volumes. The coaches say the pressure is on them to do right by Faalele – I think they would serve him best by moving him to nose tackle/defensive tackle, where he can use his weight and strength to anchor the defense, and blow up the offensive line. But, what do I know? I just write a sports blog.

PAL: Mark Schlereth, is that you?

Treacherous Baseball Dream

Great Cuban baseball players with MLB dreams have a scary proposition to face. They need to get out of Cuba and prove they no longer reside in Cuba before an MLB team can sign them to lucrative contracts (this is connected to the economic embargo). Defection from the island country is dangerous for all who attempt, but especially so for big time prospects. Getting players out of Cuba is a cottage industry, and it’s run by some scary dudes. Two such dudes – Bartolo Hernandez and Julio Estrada –  are currently on trial for their part in a human smuggling ring.

What makes this story more interesting to me is the elephant in the room that’s being called out through the testimony of the defense’s witnesses (3 employees of MLB teams): Major League Baseball – more specifically personnel from teams – know this is going on, and they have real incentive to know the moment a defector player is free to sign.

To assume personnel from teams are not aware of where and when players have defected – and who is helping them – is quite a leap for me. They know something illegal is happening, they know when it’s happening, and they know who’s facilitating the illegal activity. I believe this. And if I believe this, then I have to believe personnel from MLB teams also are aware that the people who help players defect also demand a cut of a player’s contract. In other words, there’s a bunch of illegal activity going on, MLB knows about it, and likely is smart enough to not ask any questions.

The players want to get out of Cuba to earn a life-changing amount of money for themselves and their families. Guys like Hernandez and Estrada help them, and are compensated for doing so. What’s wrong with that, you might ask. The players are put in a position of zero leverage, even after they successfully defect, and they can be held hostage until they agree to have a specific agent represent them (an agent like Hernandez, who is accused of more or less running the smuggling ring). People have been murdered over this cottage industry. Players face the threat of constant kidnapping while waiting to enter the United States. Yasiel Puig’s defection story, for instance, which we featured way back on May 11, 2014, is nothing short of a nightmarish thriller.

Of course the three team employees that have testified say they had no knowledge of the smuggling ring, and it’s mere coincidence that they happen to send over terms of the contract via email or have phone calls with Hernandez the very day players just happened to have entered the U.S.. Make of that what you will. At least they are being asked the questions under oath. – PAL

Source: “MLB Execs Testify They Had No Idea Cuban Players Were Entering Country Illegally”, Francisco Alvarado, Deadspin (3/8/17)

TOB:

Beer and Loathing in Scottsdale, a Guest Article

Scottsdale, Arizona–what a town eh? All the charm of a Kirkland-brand downtown Disney, combined with Cabo at a Nascar event. Sorry Portland and Austin, tattoos, beards and craft beer don’t really move the needle these days; Scottsdale is weird.

Copy/Pasted between the McDowell Mountains, sprawling across dramatic desert terrain, Scottsdale is a city that shouldn’t exist. But it does. For one reason. Spring Training Baseball.

Every year at the end of February, 15 Major League teams send a hodgepodge of superstars, journeyman, and future P.E. teachers down to the desert to get in playing shape for the upcoming season. I get why the players like it: hanging with your bros, a chance to impress and make the team, a break from the missus, I don’t know, get paid to play a child’s game. Sign me up.

Video of the Week: 

PAL Song of the Week: Michael Kiwanuka (playing The Fillmore on May 19)- “Love & Hate”

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Ball Zero, Take Your Base

This week, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred announced the league is scrapping going through the motions of making four pitches on an intentional walk, in order to save time. Managers will now just signal from the dugout. For the record, there was one intentional walk last season every 2.6 games, so if you assume each intentional walk takes 60 seconds, they are shaving maybe 20-25 seconds from each game. The impact on game length is negligible. MLB is right to want to cut down on the dead time of a game, but this is not the solution. It’s not even a solution. It’s an attempt to look like you’re trying to solve a problem when you aren’t.

When the news was first announced this week, I couldn’t decide how I felt. Phil and I were at the Giants 2014 NLDS game when the Nationals tried to intentionally walk Panda, with Posey on third. The pitcher overthrew the catcher. Posey sprinted for home, but was tossed out.

It was still so exciting! I thought of that play immediately upon hearing the news this week. And there’s so much more we will miss, as Grant Brisbee points out. First, pitchers with the yips, like in the play above.  Second, the fake intentional walks, like this:

Third, when the pitcher doesn’t quite get it far enough outside, and gives up a hit:

Fourth, those moments you can’t even predict. Grant relays this great story:

In 1976, Rod Carew was being walked with a runner on second in the 11th inning. This was in a stretch where he had hit .350 or better in each of the last three seasons, so you can get the strategy. But Carew swung at the first two pitches. Not real swings, and not with the intent to put the ball in play. He did it just to get the two strikes on him.

“Here. I’ll spot you two strikes.”

It was hubris. Earned, hilarious hubris of the most magnificent order from one of baseball’s greatest hitters. The intentional walk went on as planned, and the Twins won the game in the next at-bat anyway.

And, finally, the best of all – the home crowd booing. BOOOOOOO:

One of the many best parts of going to a baseball game is getting a couple beers in you and then booing the hell out of some poor schmo, just because. And an intentional walk is a perfect such opportunity. Listen to those boos, Manfred! Those aren’t bored fans. Those fans are ENGAGED. The intentional walk allows for a full minute of booing. It’s cathartic! It’s fun! That’s now gone, replaced by a “huh, what just happened…oh, huh” moment, as fans realize why the hitter is suddenly trotting to first. Congrats. You just saved 20 whole seconds per game. -TOB

Source: “Ranking What We’ll Miss the Most About Intentional Walks”, Grant Brisbee, SB Nation (02/23/2017)

PAL: TOB nailed it with describing this as “an attempt to look like you’re trying to solve a problem when you aren’t.” Listen, if the game’s too long for you, then don’t watch. If the game’s too slow, then don’t watch. I’m perfectly content with baseball being the 3rd or 4th most popular sport. I don’t care.

I’ve never heard of the fake intentional walk, and I can’t believe this actually happened in the World Series involving two hall of fame players (Johnny Bench and Rollie Fingers). What a cool surprise. This is the inane minutia that baseball fans love, love, love to bring up over a couple beers, so – yeah – we better get rid of it.

(Rant Alert) How Much Longer Do the Warriors Put Up With Draymond’s B.S.?

Draymond Green is very good at basketball. He defends, rebounds, scores, and keeps the ball moving in a lineup with 3 of the best 15-20 players (depending on where you put Klay) in the league.

Does this rant sound familiar? I opened another writeup about Green pretty much the exact same way on 10/21/16.  And the only thing that’s changed in the time since is Green’s scoring and rebounding (they are down, but the addition of Durant is a big part of this, too).

Steve Kerr and the Warrior’s must be so sick of the Draymond sideshow. Another kicking incident Thursday night (they are not incidental). Another night going at his coach after getting another technical foul…And another Warriors dismantling of the Clippers, complete with a 50-point quarter.

The answer to how long the Warrior’s put up with this is obviously tied to their ability to win at an alarming rate and Green’s essential role in the revolutionary style of small ball. But know that there’s some serious eye-rolling in that locker room right now, and it’s directed at Green. They have to be sick of answering questions about him acting like a jackalope all the time.

Chemistry does matter, I just wonder if the Warrior’s are simply too damn good for it to matter for them. Afterall, winning a championship is hard, even for a team this good.

Oh, wait, they lost last year! They choked up a 3-1 series lead in historical fashion. A major contributing factor was that Green was suspended from game 5 of the Finals due to exceeding his limit of flagrant fouls in the playoffs (not just the groin smack on James). He had to watch game 6 of the NBA finals from the Oakland Coliseum, for crying out loud, and he’s still pulling this crap.

The act is getting old, Green. I love you, man, but stop kicking people and stop showing up your coach. – PAL

Source: “Draymond Green Talks Wild Shit, Tries To Kick An Opponent, Has Very Draymond Green Game”, Patrick Redford, Deadspin (2/23/17)

TOB: Yeah, maybe they lost the Finals because he missed Game 5. But he played one of the greatest Game 7s in history, in defeat, and he is the straw that stirs their drink. Without him, they are soft, and don’t play much defense. He allows them amazing versatility. So, unless they find someone who gives them what he gives, they won’t get rid of him – because they won’t win 73, or go up 3-1 in the Finals, without him.

PAL: If they are soft without Green, then he should take some pride in that and figure out a way to stay on the court when it matters most. 

AT&T Park: What Might Have Been (Awful. Really Awful)

For my money, there’s no better setting to watch a sporting event than the San Francisco Giants’ AT&T Park. And, as John Shea points out, we can officially put the possessive apostrophe on that, because this past December, the Giants made their final debt payment on the stadium. The Giants officially own their privately-financed stadium. It sure is a gem. But…it almost wasn’t. Thanks to McCovey Chronicle’s Grant Brisbee for linking to this Chronicle article from 2011, looking back at many of the failed stadium proposals in San Francisco history. And…it is not pretty. Just look at some of these monstrosities:

Alas, we got this:

And it is good. Rejoice, Giants fans! And get ready for some baseball. It’s just around the corner. -TOB

Source: “Five Decades of Failed San Francisco Stadium Ideas”, Peter Hartlaub (07/07/2011)

PAL: Pflueger was ahead of his time proposing a baseball-only stadium back in 1982. Everything he says is right and in line with the baseball stadiums built in the past 20 years. Baseball only facilities. 40-50K seats. Better sightlines for baseball. Cheaper to construct…God, I’m so ready for baseball that I’m responding to a story about stadiums that were never built and I almost wrote about what amounts to a youth baseball tournament in Panama.

Video of the Week: 

“Way to go, Paul!”

PAL Song of the Week: Willie Nelson – “Will You Remember Mine”

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