That’s a weak-ass centaur.

Tax Dollars At Work: $63M for a High School Football Stadium

I love sports. Love them! Hell, I write a sports blog with TOB for about 12 people to read every week to share my favorite sports stories. But I think I’m growing to hate more and more the BS that surrounds sports, especially the politics around sports. To wit:

“Voters in McKinney, Tex., have given the go-ahead to spend nearly $63 million on building a high school football stadium after months of contentious debate in the suburb north of Dallas.”

What. The. F. I don’t care how well the relatively well-off town is doing in McKinney, TX (population of about 160K, HHI of about $80K), this is absurd. There about 63 million better uses for that money. High school sports are about a lot of things, but they sure as shit are not about facilities, and they should never, ever be about, “providing an economic boon by attracting regional tournaments and other events,” as Jennifer Gray, the chairwoman of Vote for McKinney’s Future, a pro-stadium group puts it. Take that money and built out the theater department. Make the Math club world class. Add 5 more foriegn language classes. How about this: Give every teacher in the district a 20% raise, and – in the process – attract better teachers.

Sports are a wonderful tool in high school; but high school sports should never be a product. I know major college sports are a business – I concede that – but high school sports…come on.  – PAL

Source: “That’s Right, $63 Million for a Football Stadium … for High Schoolers”, Mike McPhate, The New York Times (5/11/16)

TOB: Sorry, I can’t argue with Phil here. This is pretty disturbing. If the funds for this were sourced by the morons who want a $63 million stadium…fine. They’d be morons. But morons can spend their money any way they like. But to force this on taxpayers, many of whom (as is clear by the fierce opposition) either do not care about football, or who do not think a high school football team needs a stadium that costs $63 million, should be criminal. Lock ’em up!

The Best Hitting Pitchers

A statistical breakdown of the best hitting pitchers in baseball. We all know Madison Bumgarner is the best because he drops bombs, and when we’re talking about the merits between a .190 batting average and a .220 batting average can we all just agree that it’s about the long ball with the pitchers? Thank you. How about this: “Since the start of 2014, Bumgarner’s eight homers at AT&T are the third-most by a righty behind only Hunter Pence (11) and Buster Posey (19).” There are a bunch of pitchers hitting stats in here, too (batting average, strikeout-to-walk ratio, and steals). A quick read to remind us all that the D.H. has got to go! – PAL

Source: “Pitchers who rake: Syndergaard in club of MLB’s top-hitting hurlers”, Jay Jaffe, SI (5/12/16)

TOB: During the recent series with the Blue Jays, Toronto fans were complaining that they were “forced” to throw RA Dickey (a pitcher, and an old one at that) as a pinch hitter (I put forced in quotes because they had a backup catcher on the bench who they refused to use). Listen up, Canadians, let me tell you what this is all aboat: FUN. God damn if seeing a pitcher forced to hit is not one of the funniest things in sports. Lighten up, fellas. Enjoy the show.

Hail, King Duncan. Long Live the Spurs!

A rarity here at 1-2-3 Sports! – I don’t actually have an article to share. I just wanted to tip my cap to the San Antonio Spurs, and Tim Duncan, who were eliminated last night by the Oklahoma City Thunder. The Spurs won 67 games this year…tied for seventh best all time. If it didn’t happen in a season where the Warriors won 73, the Spurs would have been feted, and rightfully so. They went 40-1 at home, tied for the best home record of all time. The lone loss came to those same Warriors. Heading into the playoffs, everyone expected a Western Conference Finals matchup of the two teams with the most combined wins to ever face each other…and then they ran into a Thunder team that seems to finally (finally!) be putting it all together. The Spurs looked old. The Spurs looked done.

But let me tell you something – I am no longer in the business of declaring the Spurs done. I’m out the game! I am not about that life! In 2011, they lost in the first round (as the #1 seed!) to the Grizzlies. And it was ugly, too. I said, ring the bell! The Spurs are done! The very next year they made the conference finals. The year after that they made the NBA Finals – and should have won! – before losing to the Heat in 7 games. Geeze, I said. That was a good run, Spurs. I again expected them to ride off into the sunset. And then they came back the next year, 2014, and won the whole damn thing! They smoked the same Heat in 5 games. The year after that, they lost in the first round again. Well, that has to be it. Great run, San Antonio. Boy oh boy. But the Spurs decided it’s not over until they say it is! And they came back this season and won 67 friggin games. So, like I said, I’m not writing them off. I’m done allowing them to make me look/feel foolish. And any eulogy to the Spurs you see today, ask how many times that writer wrote the Spurs off in the past. A couple, at least. -TOB

White Parents: Giving Their Kids Terrible Names For Longer Than You Realized

My god. My god. This is funny and terrifying at the same time. Phil and I actually saw this last Friday morning, and wanted to throw up an emergency post. It’s that important. Alas, we decided it would be just as funny this week. And it is. The WHL had its “Bantam Draft” last week – 14 and 15 year old kids. And the names are simply ridiculous. For example: Cael. Corson. Deegan. Jagger. Jakin. Kishaun. Oh, folks. We’re just getting started. Neithan (yes, that is Nathan). Nicksha. Bowen. And it gets better: RIVER. TIMBER. YES, SOMEONE NAMED THEIR KID TIMBER. EDGE. FRIGGIN EDGE. THEY NAME THEIR KID EDGE. JERZY. Like New Jersey, but spelled in the dumbest way possible. Mkyllan. What the hell does that even mean? How do you say that?

I started off laughing but I’m now furious. Come on, white people! Stop this. Stop it right now! -TOB

Source: “The Future of Hockey is Still a Bunch of Kids With Irritating Names“, Barry Petchesky, Deadspin (05/06/2016)

Video of the Week:

PAL’s Song of the Week: Tom T. Hall – “That’s How I Got To Memphis”

Check out all of our picks here. I’ll buy a beer to the first person not named TOB to provide a ranking (1-10) on Facebook or Twitter.  

“You can’t pause toast. It loses its essence.”

-Leon Black

Bad Refs Make Bad Game More Exciting

If you missed the end of the Spurs/Thunder on Monday night, it was a doozy. After a very competitive and well played final few minutes, the Thunder were up 1, inbounding the ball in their offensive end, with 13.5 seconds to play. All hell then broke loose. Have a look-see:

What’s fascinating to me is that first Chris Webber, and then the TNT studio crew, were going bonkers over the no-call on the forearm by Waiters. Webber was especially indignant. I love Webber, but he was either trying too hard or he just lost a lot of money on the game. What I couldn’t figure out was why NO ONE was talking about the fact that Ginobili broke the plane of the sideline before Waiters gave him a forearm (and my wife can back me up on this; I was yelling about it in real time). That is a delay of game and an automatic technical foul. The NBA released its game report on Tuesday, and as it turns out, the referees missed FIVE calls on the play. FIVE. In THIRTEEN seconds. That is so bad it’s hilarious (and I love that the NBA puts out these Game Reports; it’s a fantastic gesture to the fans). But here’s the thing – that final play was so crazy, and so fun, and so memorable, that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Good job, refs. You’re terrible and that made the game better. -TOB

Source: “NBA Says Refs Missed Five Calls on Final Thunder-Spurs Possession”, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (05/03/2016)

PAL: Agreed on almost all points, TOB, but my favorite part of the video is when the refs grab their blue warm-up jackets upon leaving the court while Popovich is still arguing the call:

Ref: Pop, it’s over.

Popovich: What about…did you see the forearm shiver?

Ref: I’m putting on my blue, snap-up jacket. It’s over, Pop.

Popovich: But you effed that up so horribly.

Ref: Warm up jacket, Pop. Blue. Shiny. Snaps. Go home.

The best experiment: Stat nerds play GM for an independent baseball team

Must read. While I’m not the biggest sabermetrics guy out there, I LOVED this excerpt from Ben Limbergh and Sam Miller’s book, “The Only Rule Is It Has to Work: Our Wild Experiment Building a New Kind of Baseball Team”. Here’s the deal: Two sabermetric nerds are handed the reigns to a lowest-of-the-low professional baseball team. They have no money to play with, and they can’t target any “real” prospects (prospects get drafted; prospects don’t play independent league professional baseball). These limitations put them in quite a bind, which makes for a great story. In essence, their charter is to find the best available players (read: undrafted college seniors with no other options) to put together a team that wins now. What tools do they have at their disposal, considering all of the good players are accounted for: a statistical measurement of the leftovers. Whether you’re a baseball fan or a fan of riddles – this is well-worth 20 minutes of your time. – PAL

Source: “Here’s What Happened When We Tried To Play Moneyball Without Any Money”, Ben Limbergh & Sam Miller, FiveThirtyEight (5/5/16)

Karma.

Basketball fans in Seattle had their beloved, if low-attended, Super Sonics taken from them. That sucks. And lots of basketball fans around the country sympathized with them. And then many of those same Sonics fans openly rooted for the same fate to happen to another (much more rabid and well-attending) fan base in Sacramento. Sacramento managed to hold onto their team. And just a couple of years later, Seattle was dealt a major blow in its hopes to attract a team and/or be awarded an expansion team, as the city council voted down a measure to grant a large plot of land near the Port of Seattle to billionaire Chris Hansen. That, Seattle, is karma. Eat it. -TOB

Source: “Seattle’s Efforts to Bring Back an NBA Team Just Took a Significant Hit”, Patrick Redford, Deadspin (05/03/2016)

PAL: “The Port of Seattle says that an arena in the SoDo neighborhood would saddle their roads with traffic, gentrify the neighborhood, and make it much harder for working-class longshoremen to live near the port, but as Sawant notes, the Port is plenty shady in their own right (here’s a summary).” Before you pick sides on this issue, click on the link above to get a snapshot of how the Port of Seattle really treats the “working class”. Bullshit of the highest order. Is it me, or do professional sports complexes create the perfect storm to bring out the ugliest in local politics?

TOB: It’s not just you. Here’s a letter from a lawyer, already under investigation (allegedly) sexually assaulting a client, to the female members of the City Council (all five women voted against the deal; all four men voted for it). What a disgusting human being.

Hack-A-Rodman: The Birth of Hack-A-Shaq

“The issue has provoked heated debate over the last few seasons. On one side are those who feel players and teams should not be pardoned for their horrid free-throw shooting. On the other are those who cannot stand to watch as a game comes to a halting stop when a player gets fouled over and over.”

Back in 1997, something that has become commonplace in the NBA was born. We all know the term “Hack-a-Shaq”, but it was conceived to disrupt another household NBA name: Dennis Rodman. The mad scientist behind it: None other than Don Nelson (most NBA wins as a coach and not a title to show for it). Whether it’s good or bad for the game is up for debate, but here’s the story of where it all started. – PAL

Source: “The Birth of Hack-a-Shaq”, Andrew Keh, The New York Times (4/30/16)

TOB: As a basketball fan, I’d like to consider myself a “purist”. But this has got to go. Free throw shooting is the worst part of the game. And at the most base level, a sport should always strive to be entertaining. That’s all it is, really: Entertainment. And when a sport loses sight of that, and chooses some notion of purity over entertainment, you have lost your way. The NBA has made all sorts of dumb rules to ensure entertainment – the unimpeded to the basket rule is one example. So let’s stop being cute – if an obviously intentional foul is committed away from the ball, it should be two free throws and possession. Or the offensive team can select their free throw shooter. Problem solved.

PAL’s Song of the Week: Kevin Morby – “Dorothy”

Check out the super-fantastic playlist of all our weekly picks below. Listen to it and casually mention one of our songs at the bar instead of talking about work with a coworker after work.

“Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.”

-L. David

Posted 13 minutes before NFL Draft…this is how you lose millions of dollars.

Black Man Discovers Hockey; Mad That White People Have Been Hiding It

This is one of the funnier articles I’ve read in a while. Thank you to loyal reader Ryan West for alerting me to it. Twitter user @soloucity aka Tony X. was attempting to watch the St. Louis Cardinals game the other night. But when he tuned in to Fox Sports Midwest, he found the St. Louis Blues, in a Game 7 against the Chicago Blackhawks. Tony X is black, and had apparently never seen hockey before. But he loooooooved it, and live tweeted his experience:

I especially love when he accuses white people hiding it all these years:

Or when he found out there are black professional hockey players:

The Blues won, and hockey won Tony X over. He promises to live tweet the next round. I can’t wait. -TOB

Source: “Man Discovers Hockey, Loves It”, Samer Kalaf, Deadspin (04/26/2016)

PAL: Good find, TOB. His reaction to the goalie being pulled is my favorite. And – hey – anything’s better than watching the Cardinals.

John Daly Lives!

John Daly is a trainwreck, and has been for quite some time, but it looks like his reckless ways might be paying off. In a rather morbid tidbit, it sounds like golfer/Blue Blockers spokesperson Fuzzy Zoeller, whose judgement has never been the best, bet Daly 150K that he wouldn’t make it to 50 years old. Well, Daly just turned 50 this Thursday. Who’s got Fuzzy’s number? Rent’s due! – PAL

Source: “Report: Daly could collect $150K on bet to reach 50 years of age”, Josh Peter, USA Today (4/27/16)

TOB: Maaaaan, he would have been a great pick in our under-50 celebrity death pool. What an upset!

Boy Wonder

Brad Stevens is older than he looks – he turns 40 later this year, but could pass for about 30. 40 is still young for an NBA head coach, especially one with a resume like Stevens has. In 2010 and 2011, he took Butler, FRIGGIN BUTLER, to the National Championship game in back to back seasons, and damn near won it in 2010. I still feel like that Gordon Hayward shot should have gone in, and I’ll never forget watching it on a crappy TV in a dingy hostel in Buenos Aires with my brother Pat and my friend Ryan.

After that run, Stevens was an obvious rising star in the coaching ranks, and the Boston Celtics snatched him up. Stevens has managed to defy the odds. Unlike other college coaching stars who stumbled in the NBA – guys like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, and Tim Floyd – Stevens is a terrific NBA coach. He has an undermanned Celtics team in the playoffs for the second straight season. Success is great, of course. But what I love about Stevens is that he is the kind of coach that you would want to play for – that you’d want your kids to play for. He is smart, talented, instinctual, willing to listen and learn, and as Rajon Rondo put it: he’s not “an asshole.” Stevens proves you can be a great coach without screaming at your players. Imagine that. Ignore the hyperbole in the article’s title and enjoy. -TOB

Source: “Brad Stevens Could Be One of the Greatest Coaches Who Ever Lived”, Jackie McMullan, ESPN.com (04/26/2016)

PAL: “[T]he depleted Boston lineup set an NBA record for futility in the shot clock era by scoring just seven points in the first quarter of Game 2 and falling behind in the series 2-0. But some key adjustments from Stevens — among them elevating Jonas Jerebko to the starting lineup in Game 3 and unleashing defensive bulldog Marcus Smart on power forward Paul Millsap in Game 4 — has breathed new life into his fierce band of overachievers.”

I’m sure he’s a great coach, but wouldn’t a real X’s and O’s coach prevent his team from putting up 7 friggin’ points in a quarter of a playoff game? His team lost to Atlanta in this series, and – as Jackie Mac notes – he hasn’t yet won a playoff series. So let’s just pump the brakes a bit, shall we?

However, I do like the no-nonsense, non-a-hole approach. A simple sentence of truth – “that was a bullshit play” – doesn’t need to be done in plain sight with the cameras rolling. You can call someone out without putting him on blast. He also has the respect of coaches and players throughout the league. Seeing as I know next to nothing about basketball, I defer to LeBron and Popovich. Sounds like a straight-shooter with upper management written all over him.

TOB: Last line made me laugh.

That’s Mr. Dad to You

When I heard the Clippers traded for Austin Rivers last year, I thought, ‘It never ends.’ The Clippers coach is Doc Rivers, Austin’s dad, and it sounded so familiar, a move a summer coach makes – the hell with it; it’s my kid, I’m volunteering my time, so you’re damn right he’s hitting third and playing shortstop. It didn’t help that Austin was a borderline NBA player. Turns out, I was wrong:

“He and I don’t know each other like that. We know each other as strictly basketball. A lot of people on the outside don’t understand that because people think we have a relationship like every other father and son. We just don’t. That’s because he’s been gone my whole life, and that’s fine.”

I just…you can have the wealth and recognition. It actually reminds me of our Song of the Week from a couple posts back – Loudon Wainwright’s “Surviving Twin”. The thought of having a strictly professional relationship with my dad sounds like a miserable proposition. – PAL

Source: “Doc Rivers stays strong in eye of Clippers’ storm”, Arash Markazi, ESPN (4/28/16)

TOB: It certainly doesn’t make me like Doc Rivers anymore. I guess I just don’t get dads like this. Ok, fine, you travel a lot for work. But if you’re coaching in Boston, move the damn family to Boston. Don’t leave them in Florida, where you see them twice a season. And what about the summer? Why is an NBA coach not around with his kid all summer? Sounds like Doc never wanted to be a father, frankly.

Video of the Week

You’re going to have to click this link, but it’s worth it. Chris Berman is such a dope.

PAL Song of the Week: John Lennon – “Oh Yoko”. Check out all of our picks below. It’s pretty, pretty, pretty…pretty good.

“Well, I generally come in at least 15-minutes late. I use the side door – that way Lumbergh can’t see me. And after that I just sort of space out for an hour…Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working.”

– Peter Gibbons

A Story That Actually Made Me Feel Bad For Tiger Woods

Long ago, on this very blog, I decided that Tiger Woods no longer deserved the nickname Tiger, and I encouraged our many readers to begin referring to him by his given name: Eldrick. But I’m using Tiger here because Wright Thompson wrote such a great piece on Tiger that I actually feel bad for him.

The nuts and bolts are simple: Tiger Woods was very close to his dad, Earl. Earl was Tiger’s only real friend – both as a kid and as an adult. He was the only person Tiger could really open up to. And then, in 2006, Earl died. To fill the void, Tiger sought comfort by emulating his father, a former Navy SEAL. Tiger began diving deep into advanced military training. It began to consume him. It destroyed his body. And now Tiger, at 40 years old, can barely walk. His golf career is essentially over, and has been for years.

But…this article is somehow so much more than that. It’s incredibly well researched. It is insightful, at times poetic. It’s not perfect – more than a couple times I rolled my eyes when it was a little too poetic. But it strikes deep at the universal relationship between a father and a son. And it paints the picture of Tiger Woods, deeply introverted and wildly awkward, as an incredibly talented golfer, who never wanted the immense fame he achieved. Or, at least, had severe buyer’s remorse when he got it. Some of the best passages, shockingly, are direct quotes from Tiger’s friend Michael Jordan, who seems to be reaching out to his troubled friend through this story. MJ sees himself in Tiger, making the connection between Jordan’s retirement to play baseball following his father’s death, and Tiger’s military fascination following his. “It could be his way of playing baseball. Soothing his father’s interest.”

Michael sees the end for Tiger, even if Tiger doesn’t quite see it himself. “I don’t know if he’s happy about that or sad about that. I think he’s tired. I think he really wishes he could retire, but he doesn’t know how to do it yet, and I don’t think he wants to leave it where it is right now. If he could win a major and walk away, he would, I think.” Jordan goes on to say that, like many of us, Tiger looks back at the events of his life since a major turning point and wishes he could go back in time and do it over again. Do it differently. For Tiger, that turning point was his father’s death. He’d be a better husband, for one. But, of course, he cannot. And so MJ hopes his friend, who has named his boats Privacy and Solitude, finds true companionship. Happiness. And continues to be, by all accounts, a loving and caring father to his two children. And that is why I feel bad for Tiger Woods. He has made mistakes, but he is human. He’s a son who misses his father. He’s a father who loves his children. And he’s a man who wants to be happy. -TOB

Source: “The Secret History of Tiger Woods”, Wright Thompson, ESPN.com (04/21/2016)

PAL: We have two depressing stories about sports legends this week: Wood’s focuses on his search for something real in the wake of his father’s death, and Kobe Bryant’s story outlines his decades-long deconstruction of reality in his pursuit of greatness. Both of these dudes are beginning a part of their lives for which they are woefully unprepared. Tiger seems at least to want to find out how to exist in the now; whereas Kobe seems like he just wants to apply his single-minded approach to building a new fantasy world for himself and only himself.

Kobe’s Basketball Obit: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Obliviousness

While walking Maxine Fischer the other day, I heard Ramona Shelburn interviewed about her freaking novel-length story on Kobe. Sounded interesting. Here’s the final story on the narcissist who alienated everyone on his quest to the be a better version of Michael Jordan. He lost himself somewhere along the way, and he’s been rebuilt by carbon copies of things he finds challenging in a really adolescent way: Jordan, composers, movies, hell, marketing slogans. A childhood obsession rotted away any chance of him having any real unfiltered emotion. Because I have no sense of who he is, and because I really don’t think he has any idea who he is either, I can’t find any reason to care about someone so exceptional. That – and only that – is what makes his life interesting. – PAL

Source: “Mamba Out”, Ramona Shelburne, The Undefeated (4/19/16)

TOB: I’m glad Phil’s review of this story was so negative, because I saw the subheadline to this story and just could not bring myself to begin reading: “You’d think after the career Kobe has had, he’d just ride off into the sunset. But really, he’s just getting started. Black Mamba may be out of the NBA, but not the spotlight.” Ugggggh, he’s the worst. Thank you, Phil, for saving me some time.

RIP Prince

I’ve never been a major Prince fan, but I understand why he was an icon. More than that – as I wrote on March 2, 2015 below – I loved that this creature from another planet was as Minnesota as our high school state hockey tournament. Minnesota will always claim Dylan, but I don’t think he would return in kind. That was never the case with Prince, and it’s a real loss that he died so young. A genius by any measure. – PAL

March 2, 2015

Game, Blouses

We all know and love the legendary Prince basketball skit from Chappelle Show. Well, here’s some evidence that Prince (5’2”) was a solid player for real, and he argued about playing time with his coach, too. The team photo alone is worth the click here, folks. A side note: while I love Bob Dylan, Prince is actually the musical icon of Minnesota. The dude still lives there, regularly goes to Timberwolves and Vikings games, and records his music right there in Minnesota. True blue Minnesotan. Got to love it. – PAL

Source: “Prince Was An Afro-Rocking, Coach- Hating Schoolboy Basketball Player”, Billy Haisley, Deadspin (03/03/2015)

TOB: In the wake of Prince’s death, I am left with two lasting memories. When I was a kid, I wasn’t really into Prince’s music. I thought he was a weird, pop star, and I use that term derisively. But then I saw his performance at the George Harrison tribute concert:

Prince absolutely WAILS on the guitar. I love watching Harrison’s kid’s face at around the 1:14 mark. He just destroys everyone. And when he’s done he throws the guitar up in the air and walks off the stage. Amazing. The second was his Super Bowl Halftime performance, in the rain, which is the best halftime show I’ve ever seen, and the only thing remotely close is Paul McCartney.

Bryce Harper: Baseball’s $500M Man?

Bryce Harper is an incredible baseball player. He won the NL MVP last year, in a landslide, at the age of 22. And he’s having an even better start to 2016. This article asks: Has he surpassed Mike Trout as baseball’s best player. That’s a fine question, but I am more interested in this one: How much will Harper’s free agent contract be worth? He’ll be a free agent after next season, and I CANNOT wait to hear the baseball media howl when his contract is announced. Somethings to consider: He’ll only be 25, with likely two to three MVPs under his belt. His Wins Over Replacement (WAR) last year was 9.9, and the going free agent rate is around $6 million per WAR, and going up. Which means, on the open market in 2 years, Bryce Harper would be “worth” $60-65M per season. Now, he’s not getting that much. But $40M? I could see it. The top paid player right now is Clayton Kershaw, at $30M per year, in a deal given out a couple years ago. So let’s say $40M per year. He’ll only be 25 years old. A 12-year deal is reasonable, once a bidding war breaks out – putting Harper’s deal at 12 years, $480 million. And then the x-factor: His agent is Scott Boras. That baby is flying by $500 million. Peoples are going to lose their minds. It’s going to be great.

Source: “Has Bryce Harper Surpassed Mike Trout? That’s a Clown Question, Bro”, Neil Payne, FiveThirtyEight (04/21/2016)

PAL: Whatever the amount lands at, it will be meaningless to me. Seriously, what’s the practical difference between $100M and $500M? Also, with all this TV money bloating the salaries, TOB had a great point the other day: Can we just cut ticket prices already?

I Have to do EVERYTHING?

There’s really not much to this, other than  NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt cleaning his window while hanging out of this window. During a race. While driving. Where you at, Jr?

Also, one negative effect of the internet is that we’ve completely given up on headlines: Look at the title of this story below!  – PAL  

Source: “Dale Earnhardt once tried to clean his windshield by sitting out of his window mid-race”, Mark Hinog, SB Nation (04/21/2016)

Motor Cycle

Cycling and cheating have long gone together, but now the cheating has entered what Bill Simmons calls the “Tyson Zone”, meaning that there is literally no story relating to cheating in cycling that I would toss aside as unbelievable. Here’s a story about riders now putting motors on their bikes. The engineering is pretty fascinating, actually, and honestly, can we just make cycling the Amsterdam sport already? Anything goes. Take whatever drugs you want. Affix anything on a bike you want. Add a joust to the handlebars. Let’s get weird with it. – PAL

Source: “Tiny Motor Powers a New Threat to Cycling Races”, Ian Austen, The New York Times (04/18/2016)

TOB: You know my take on Performance Enhancing Drugs: Why get upset? Why don’t I want to watch performances enhanced? Should players not be allowed to lift weights, too? Players should take MORE drugs! How exciting is Steph Curry? So exciting. What if he was hitting 50-footers instead of 30-footers? MY GOD. I am excited just thinking about it. But…I gotta draw the line at motors on a bicycle. It is now a motorsport, and I hate motorsports. Although, to be honest, cycling is boring as hell, too. So, fine. Use motors. I’m not watching either way.

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week

Song of the Week: Bruce Springsteen – “Waitin’ on a Sunny Day”

Listen to the full playlist there, or be square:

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

Email: 123sportslist@gmail.com

Hey! It’s our 100th post, and it’s TOB’s birthday. He thought I forgot. I did not. He’s a good dude, as evidenced in this photo with the boy. Prone to debate.  He thinks his carnitas are pretty damn good. They are.

The House That Thacker Built

This story is one of those that I read and think, “This is why we carve hours out of every week to put this blog together for a relatively small amount of readers.” It has it all. Augusta National Golf Course, which hosts the Masters, is rich as hell. There used to be a neighborhood across the street. But Augusta National bought the entire neighborhood, for over $40 million, all told. And bulldozed them all for a god damn parking lot. Every single house! Except for one – the house owned by Herman and Elizabeth Thacker.

The Thackers built the house nearly 60 years ago. They raised their kids there. Their children, and their grandchildren, and now their great-grandchildren come back for the holidays. They recently celebrated their 60th anniversary there. And ya know what? They like the house, seven-figure payout by the rich pricks at August, be damned. “We really don’t want to go,” Elizabeth Thacker said. And so they haven’t. “Money ain’t everything,” Herman Thacker said, sitting on his deck, surrounded by people returning to their parked cars after a Masters practice round, sipping on some bourbon (ok, I imagined that last part). And in the middle of this stupid parking lot, the Thackers remain. Bless you, Herman and Elizabeth Thacker. -TOB

Source: “The House That Augusta National’s Millions Can’t Buy” Steve Politi, NJ.com (04/06/2016)

Hair Matters

Jaromir Jagr is one of the best players in NHL history. #3 on the all-time score list. At 44(!) he led the Florida Panthers in scoring this year, which is 26 years after his NHL debut. Read that again: his NHL debut was 26 years ago, and he’s still a legit player. All-timer by any measure, but more importantly is how his teams’ successes have been absolutely connected to his hairstyle. In short, when he rocks the flow his teams have won; when he keeps it high and tight his teams haven’t done squat. It’s all about the hair, folks. Always has been. Always will be. Sidenote: odd ESPN doesn’t contribute this to a writer- PAL

Source: “Czech his flow: There’s magic in Jaromir Jagr’s mullet”, n/a, ESPN (4/14/16)

TOB: This is incredible: Jagr’s various hairstyles, the weird correlation between his hairstyles and his teams’ performances, and the fact that at 44 years old he led his team in scoring and they made the playoffs. There’s a lesson here, in comparison to Kobe’s fifty field goal attempt, career-ending night this week. Ah, yes. Kobe is still a ballhog.

Seventy Freakin Three.

Seventy three wins over an NBA season just happened, and it is somehow still unfathomable. I’m not sure how the Warriors did what they just did, and I watched a heck of a lot of it. I’ve seen a lot of debate about whether they are better than the 1996 Chicago Bulls, who won 72 games. I dunno. Maybe not, when you break down the matchups. But I do know this: it’s the best offensive team I’ve ever seen, and they are the most fun team I’ve ever seen, too. And that counts for something, as a sports fan. Sports should be fun. And the Warriors, and especially Steph Curry, make me laugh out loud at least once a game because something Steph did was just so preposterous. During the first quarter of win number 73, Steph’s barrage of 3’s even made my wife laugh.

Watch that, from about 00:18 to 00:44…and realize those were three straight possessions. We’ve never seen anything like him before, and so who cares if the 1996 Bulls might be better than this team? Can’t we just enjoy this?

Source: “The Desire to be the Best Ever Is What Let the Warriors Achieve It”, Kevin Draper, Deadspin (04/14/2016)

PAL: YES! I am admittedly a fan of rankings. I like to force people to choose one over the others. I don’t care what the order is; I’m more interested in the why. Why Rubber Soul over (The White Album) is far more interesting than what order they actually fall in for someone. But with this one, TOB’s right – who cares? More importantly, no one knows who’s better, and those arguments are for later anyway. For now, crack a beer and watch and laugh.

Dunk Bounty

I’m not a huge basketball dude, but I bet playing on the 80s Celtics teams with Bird, McHale, Chief, DJ, and Walton was a hell of a good time. Case in point, courtesy of Bill Walton’s  exerpt from his book: They had a dunk bounty on Manute Bol. Manute was a 7 feet 7 inches newcomer to the NBA on a terrible Washington Bullets team (can we bring the “Bullets” name back already). The Celtics were in the absolute sweet spot of their run in the 80s. They were so good that they made games within the game (and I’d bet my next paycheck the Warriors of today to the same thing). Well, Bol was a worthy adversary, and the bounty kept rolling over. It got to the point where the game within the game took center stage:

“So one game, after the Manute money pool had grown quite large, Kevin just kept going at Manute regardless of what the game or play called for. Manute was blocking every attempt by Kevin, who remained completely undeterred. Manute might have set a record that night for most shots blocked on an individual opponent in any one game. Later, I came up with a defensive rebound and threw a long outlet pass to Larry, who was all alone at half-court, on the left side. There was nobody between Larry and our goal. But instead of driving in and making an uncontested layup, Larry stops, cradles the ball on his hip with his left arm, and points at Manute, who is still down at his own basket and completely out of the play. Larry is waving frantically for Manute to hurry back on defense so that Larry can go in and try to dunk on him. Manute was clueless to our little game within the game, but he dutifully hustled back, and when Larry came flying in, Manute sent him and the ball back one more time.”

The Chief, Robert Parrish eventually got Bol. Consider it a performance-based incentive. – PAL

Source: “The Time Robert Parish Won Thousands By Dunking On Manute Bol”, Bill Walton, Back from the Dead, ℅ Deadspin (4/12/15)

TOB: Loved this one. Reminds me of another great story of the 1986 Celtics: They were so good, and Larry Bird was so bored, that he decided one game to only shoot left-handed. And he scored 47 points. It’s probably apocryphal, but that’s ok. Let us live in ignorant bliss.

No, Seriously: You’re a Weirdo, Jim Nantz. Cut it Out.

You just gotta watch this video. Jim Nantz talks about how every year after the college basketball title game he removes his tie and presents it to a senior on the winning team.

He looks so creepy and sounds so self-important while saying it. And, by the way, he didn’t even end the title game with a dumb pun this year! I was super mad at you for not giving me the ammo I needed to make fun of you. And then you gave me this. Bellisima!

Source: “Jim Nantz, a Tremendous Weirdo, Gave His Tie to Ryan Arcidiacano” Tom Ley, Deadspin (04/05/2016)

PAL: Language warning…This is so fucking weird.

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week: Loudon Wainwright III – “Surviving Twin”

Listen to the full playlist here. It’s good.

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

Email: 123sportslist@gmail.com

Sorry, loyal readers. Life moved pretty fast and we missed this week’s post. But we’ll be back. With a vengeance.

Life’s a beach, bro.

Chris Bosh Not Letting His Health Concerns Keep Him Down

Chris Bosh is great. I’ve liked him since early in his career, when he openly campaigned for a spot in the All-Star game with a series of videos, the best of which is this one:

How great is that? That man has a future after his basketball career is over! Hopefully, that is later rather than sooner, though, as Bosh has been out for a few weeks, and will miss the rest of the season, with dangerous blood clots in his lungs. Bosh also missed a large portion of last season with the same ailment. But Bosh is not letting his illness get him down. No, sir. Bosh has taken up blogging…about beer. Specifically, pairing beer with food. And it is fantastic. A sample:

“Just be careful if you’re eating and drinking outside. After all, when you’re thirsty and the sun is beating down on you, there’s a good chance you’re going to drink more than one beer. But throwing back porters and hoppy beers—any of those kinds with a higher alcohol content—can come with consequences, so watch out for that.”

You should read the whole thing (it’s not long, Rowe). Chris Bosh is so damn cheery, it will put you in a good mood. I like Chris Bosh. So should you. -TOB

Source: “Best Beers for a Barbecue”, Chris Bosh, ChrisBosh.com (03/29/2016)

Jim Nantz is Toast

The horrible story heading is in honor of Jim Nantz’ annual, terrible pun in the closing seconds of the college basketball title game. Why is Jim Nantz toast? Read this horrible story Nantz tells about how he orders toast at breakfast. Nantz likes his toast burnt, which is bad enough. And when it did not come burnt enough to his liking, he would send the toast back. But then he decided that the ten minutes it took for the server to return with appropriately burned toast was costing him 2-full days worth of time per year. So what does he do? He carries around a laminated picture of two pieces of burned toast so that the server can see just how burned he wants it. There’s something so off-putting about that. If someone I knew ever pulled a stunt like that, I would get up and walk out. What a dick. -TOB

Source: “My Shot: Jim Nantz”, Jim Nantz, Golf Digest (03/25/2016)

The NFL Sucks: Lawyer-Zing Edition

My god, this is good. As a lawyer, nothing would please me more than to have the opportunity to really zing the NFL. The NFL is such an awful organization. So it was with great pleasure that I followed this story over the last couple weeks. A quick recap: The New York Times published this story, alleging that the NFL’s concussion research was woefully inadequate, as very public concussions were not part of their database, including reports of zero concussions from entire teams (e.g., the Dallas Cowboys). The article likened the NFL’s research to Big Tobacco research in the 80s and 90s. The NFL’s lawyer’s demanded a retraction, arguing ineffectually, that the New York Times article was false. The New York Times’ lawyers responded, letting the NFL know that they ain’t havin it:

The whole response by the New York Times’ lawyers is great, but this is the coup de grace, responding to the NFL’s lawyer’s complaint of being the NFL being compared to Big Tobacco:

“While your earlier letter to The Times called the tobacco industry “perhaps the most odious industry in America history,” you somehow fail to mention in either letter that it was your firm that represented Phillip Morris in that RICO case.”

God damn, that’s the good stuff. -TOB

Source: “New York Times responds to NFL’s Demand For Retraction, Unleashes the Burns“, Tom Ley, Deadspin (03/30/2016)

Video of the Week

Why do baseball bats break? Why does the type of wood matter? It’s more complicated than you think. #SCIENCE.

PAL Song of the Week: The Beta Band – “Dry The Rain”

Listen to the full playlist here. It’s good.

Like what you’ve read? Let us know by following this blog (on the right side, up near the top), or:

Email: 123sportslist@gmail.com

-Mike Birbiglia

The Diplomacy Exhibition

Listen, I don’t know nearly enough to form an educated opinion on whether or not President Obama should have been the first U.S. president in 90 years to visit Cuba. The trip was centered on an exhibition game between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cuban National Team. Some will contend it is an initial step to begin engagement with Cuba; while others will see it as him embracing a murderous dictator. At the very least, we should take a moment to take read Dan Le Batard’s column on the matter. For him and his Cuban exile parents, this is very much a personal story. When I try to put myself in his shoes, I just don’t know how I would feel any other way but the same as him. Here’s a snippet below, but be sure to read the entire column. – PAL

“I’ve never known anything but freedom. My grandparents and parents made sure that was so. Now my grandparents are dead, and my parents are old, and the Cuban regime that strangled them somehow lives on … lives on to play a baseball game with our country this week. America extends its hand toward a dictator who has the blood of my people on his own hands. And now my parents, old exiles, have to watch Obama and Jeter and ESPN throw a happy party on land that was stolen from my family — as the rest of America celebrates it, no less. That’s going to hurt, no matter how you feel about the politics.”

Source: ‘Historic’ game in Cuba ignores the pain so many people endured, Dan Le Batard, ESPN (03/21/2016)

TOB: I get LeBatard’s emotion. But I can’t see how lifting the embargo will be anything but a good first step. The embargo has caused so many innocent people to suffer. Hopefully tourism, at the very least, will bring an influx of cash to Cubans who desperately need it. However, I must say this: I watched the pregame ceremonies and the first few innings. ESPN needed to chill out a bit on the Baseball (and by extension ESPN) as Savior thing. I mean, my goodness. That was some overwrought, jingoistic crap. I liked this quick read by Yahoo! Sports’ Tim Brown on the subject.

Steve Kerr Offers a Little Love for Cal Basketball, Which Badly Needs It

It is not hyperbole to say that Cal basketball endured one of the worst weeks a college basketball program can ever suffer, absent a tragedy. A quick recap: On Sunday, March 13th they were given a 4-seed in the tournament, the highest ever for Cal. The next day, Monday, it was announced that assistant coach Yanni Hufnagel was fired, effective immediately. On Tuesday, it was announced that he was fired for sexually harassing a female reporter. On Wednesday, the report was released and it was bad. Also on Wednesday, Tyrone Wallace, the team’s senior starting point guard broke his hand in practice. On Friday, moments before their opening round game against Hawaii, starting shooting guard Jabari Bird was ruled out due to a back injury. Cal then went out and lost to Hawaii. If you thought that was the end, you’re wrong. By Friday, rumors swirled that head coach Cuonzo Martin was under investigation for his response to complaints by the reporter about Hufnagel. And then over the weekend, Tyson Jolly, a 4-star recruit set to enroll at Cal in the fall, asked and received a release from his Letter of Intent (Jolly was close with Hufnagel). That was exhausting to type.

So, damnit, I am taking this opportunity to highlight what a nice thing Warriors head coach Steve Kerr did this week. Kerr’s son, Nick, played basketball at Cal this year as a 5th year graduate transfer (he had previously played at USD). Kerr tweeted some kind words about Coach Martin and the Cal program. And when asked about his tweet, Kerr said:

“My son was a walk-on there this year. He had an incredible experience with his teammates, with the coaching staff, with Cuonzo. I wanted to say thanks for the season that Cal had and for the experience that my son had. All I wanted to vouch for was his character. He’s been an incredible mentor for my son, phenomenal coach, and I just wanted to say thanks for that. I know that the program is going through some turmoil with the issue that’s happening. … I just know from my son and getting to know Cuonzo what kind of person he is, and I wanted to support him.”

*sniff sniff* That is why I can’t quit you, Steve. -TOB

Source: “Warriors Coach Steve Kerr Tweets Support to Cal Coach Cuonzo Martin”, ESPN.com (03/23/2016)

The $14 Billion Bench Player

How do Davids slay Goliaths? Something extraordinary happens. Something transcendent occurs, and a strength becomes a weakness. I don’t care who makes the shoes Steph Curry wears (Under Armour), but the circumstances that led to him choosing UA over Nike says a lot about how the game is changing, the dream Nike has sold us for decades, and how Curry is very much like Michael Jordan when it comes to his place in pop culture.  While this story has a funky structure, it’s an enthralling look behind the scenes of a multi-billion dollar sports heist.  of the century. This is the story of how Nike, which holds 95.5 percent of the basketball sneaker market (2014) lost out to a company with less than 1 percent market share on the next transcendent talent in basketball, and the pivotal role a 10-day contract player had in pulling it off. Some of my favorite nuggets below. – PAL

• The (Nike) pitch meeting, according to Steph’s father Dell, who was present, kicked off with one Nike official accidentally addressing Stephen as ‘Steph-on,’ the moniker, of course, of Steve Urkel’s alter ego in Family Matters…It got worse from there. A PowerPoint slide featured Kevin Durant‘s name, presumably left on by accident, presumably residue from repurposed materials.

• As someone familiar with Nike’s marketing operation says, in regard to Curry: ‘Everything that makes him human and cuddly and an unlikely monster is anathema to Nike. They like studs with tight haircuts and muscles.’ This, then, is the paradox of Steph Curry: The reason he was ignored is the reason he’s so popular. Nike looked past him for the very reason so many fans now can’t look anywhere else.

• “Your primary employer is who pays you the most money,” ESPN’s Bomani Jones says. “LeBron was Team Nike before he was a Cleveland Cavalier or a member of the Miami Heat or any of those things. We contextualize guys around the teams they play for because that’s the relevant variable for the kind of work that we do.”

• This is how it came into the orbit of one Kent Bazemore. As an undrafted rookie on the Warriors, sneaker companies had little reason to throw money Bazemore’s way. Hell, there was no guarantee Bazemore would even make the team. His agent, Austin Walton, had an idea, though. He contacted Under Armour. “I sold them on having a guy on the West Coast, having a presence there,” Walton says. “I sold the fact that they had a couple other guys with shoe deals up, Klay and Steph, that maybe, you know, he can get some other guys on board if he makes the team.”

• It wasn’t a thankless effort for Bazemore, either. Now, three years later, he makes six figures annually with Under Armour, according to Walton, an unusually high figure for a player of his profile. “That was signed before last summer when he signed with the Hawks,” Walton says. For context, Bazemore averaged 6.0 points the season before inking that lucrative shoe deal.

• Perhaps this is how Nike missed. Years of promoting Michael Jordan descendents made them oblivious to a player who shot the ball over that whole paradigm. It left them vulnerable to Kent Bazemore, and a company with less than 1 percent of the sneaker market.

Source: “How Nike lost Stephen Curry to Under Armour”, Ethan Sherwood Strauss, ESPN (03/23/2016)

TOB: With all those excerpts, Phil somehow missed my favorite part of the Bazemore story. Bazemore was an undrafted rookie without a guaranteed contract. So, to get Curry’s attention, they lavished Bazemore with shoes and gear. Bazemore got so much stuff he was giving it away to staff. Curry noticed how well UnderArmour was treating an undrafted rookie and that is how UnderArmour got its foot in the door.

The other amazing thing, after Nike bungled its pitch meeting to retain Curry after the 2013 season was that Nike had the right to match UA’s deal with Steph. For only $4.5 million. Yes, they have lost billions of dollars to UA because they didn’t want to match Curry at $4.5 million, thinking that they didn’t want anyone in their stable that didn’t want to be there. Pride cometh before the fall, Nike.

The Continuous Evolution of Sabermetrics

PAL: I typed in “SABR nerd”, and this is what came up. Perfection.

If you like baseball, this is an article you should read. At this year’s SABR Analytics Meetings, Sabermetricians discussed how new advanced measurement tools (notably Statcast, which we here at 123 Sports love) have unlocked a whole new treasure trove of baseball data. One such advance is the ability to record the “exit velocity” of a batted ball, and how that affects how Sabermetricians value a pitcher. As the article notes, FIP has long been a sacred cow for Sabermetricians. And while I like sabermetrics, FIP has never sat well with me. FIP is pretty simple. It stands for Fielding Independent Pitching and it measures a pitcher’s at bats that end in a strikeout, a walk, or a home run. That’s it. All other batted balls are not valued. The theory is that once a ball is in play, the outcome of that play is dependent on the pitcher’s defense, not on the pitcher, and they are hoping to isolate a pitcher’s true abilities vs clouding that data based on how good the defense is behind him. FIP never sat well with me because…if I’m throwing up meatballs that the offense is turning into line drives, that’s a lot more difficult to field than a pop fly or a grounder. And shouldn’t that be my fault as the pitcher? As the article discusses…yes. Now that they can reliably measure the exit velocity of each batted ball, they can understand better what batted balls were a lot more difficult to field. So, don’t get too attached to FIP. It might not be around too much longer. -TOB

Source: “How Baseball’s New Data is Changing Sabermetrics” Rob Arthur, FiveThirtyEight (03/17/2016)

PAL: I’m worried, folks. My last social media app was Twitter, and now I fear I’m becoming a baseball fan who hates new stats. FIP? Exit velocity? What the crap, man. Back in my day–dammit! See, it’s happening, and I can’t control it.

TOB: Exit velocity is pretty straightforward, Phil! Btw, the wife and I watched a truly excellent episode of HBO Real Sports this week, and I highly recommend it. All three stories were great – the sexual harassment/assault allegations over the years against Kevin Johnson, Mavericks, and Craig Sager’s ongoing battle against cancer. Find it and watch it. I mention this here because Bryant Gumbel closed the episode with an old man rant against sabermetrics that even had the wife rolling her eyes. Don’t be like Gumbel, Phil.

Video of the Week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vgn1pjbYlw

PAL Song of the Week: A Tribe Called Quest – “Steve Biko (Stir It Up)”

Check out all of the weekly picks here. It’s all over the place.

“Nuh uh. Superman does good. You’re doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.”

– Tracy Jordan

Exhibit A for why you should always wear an undershirt.

The Quiet Man

From media reports, Kawhi Leonard has long seemed like a different kind of dude. For one, he’s insanely quiet. He’s not the Bobby Bonds-type, though, who just doesn’t talk to the media because he was burned early in his career. Leonard is the kind of quiet that is not often seen in a celebrity or quasi-celebrity – Leonard is famous, though he would prefer not to be. But Kahwi is even quiet with teammates and friends. He just loves basketball. He doesn’t showboat on the court, he doesn’t get vocal with teammates or coaches. As his coach Greg Popovich says:

“When Kawhi makes a mistake, he’s almost apologetic….he doesn’t want to disappoint anybody. There are times he does something well, and I have to tell him, ‘That was super. That was fantastic. That was a helluva job. You can smile now. You can feel great about yourself….If I bring him out too early, for example, he’ll go like this”: Popovich curls up one side of his lip. “What he’s saying is, ‘Pop, why the f— are you bringing me out so early?’ but he’d never actually say that. So I tell him, ‘I’ll get back to you,’ and he nods and sits down.”

That’s rare for a player who has quickly become a superstar. Kawhi seems like a good dude. And thanks to 123 reader Jamie Morganstern for the anonymous submission. -TOB

Source: “The Island of Kawhi”, Lee Jenkins, Sports Illustrated (03/14/2016)

PAL: Sure, he wants to be great and doesn’t care about being a star. Sure he lives in a 2-bedroom apartment with his mom even though he just signed a $96M contract. All that good stuff. My favorite part of the story: He drives a 1997 Tahoe and freaks out when he misplaces his Wingstop coupons.

It’s Called Common Sense, Adam LaRoche

After a 12-year career, Adam LaRoche is retiring from baseball, and not because he hit .207 last year as an aging vet. He’s retiring – and walking away from $13M  – because the White Sox asked him to maybe not bring his son to the field every single day. No, seriously, every day. Who has to ask an employee to not bring the kids around work every day? You won’t read anything about it, but I bet my next paycheck there are a bunch of players at White Sox spring training thanking management. Also, this picture is so stupid. “Okay, LaRoche guys,” the photographer says. “Let’s get one with you walking under the passion, pride, and tradition bullshit. Yeah, perfect.” – PAL

Source: “Adam LaRoche Retired Because The White Sox Wouldn’t Let His Kid Hang Out In The Clubhouse Every Day”, Samer Kalef, Deadspin (03/16/2016)

TOB: I was really, really, really hoping Phil would have the opposite reaction to this story so that we could have had a really nasty debate. The best part is that I’m sure that White Sox management are high-fiving this week. They don’t have to pay a terrible, old baseball player $13M to hit below the Mendoza Line simply because they asked him to act like a professional and leave his child at home half the time. This was GM Kenny Williams this week:

And as usual, Grant Brisbee comes with a funny take.

The Seed (64.0)

This is hilarious. The head coach of every team in the NCAA Tournament was asked to name his favorite band/musical artist. Some of the results are hilarious. I don’t think I ever would have imagined Kansas’ Bill Self grooving to Luther Vandross. But now I cannot get that image out of my head. John Mayer? I knew you sucked, Sean Miller. Tad Boyle (Colorado) – MY MAN. My favorite, though, might be this:

John Calipari’s favorite band is Train. It would have taken me at least 6 hours to guess that, and I would have been desperate. How does a man whose favorite band is Train recruit young basketball players as well as Calipari does? Tip of the hat, Coach Cal. You’re one hell of a salesman. -TOB

Source: “Musical March Madness: Every NCAA Tournament Coach’s Favorite Band”, Matt Norlander, CBS Sports (03/14/2016)

PAL:  I heard Dave Grohl say on Marc Maron’s podcast that he doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures when it comes to music. I’m editing here, but the gist of it goes something like this – if you like something, like it. That’s what’s wrong with our generation: that residual punk rock guilt…I would agree with this, except for the following instance: Vanderbilt’s coach Kevin Stallings listed Vince Gill as his favorite. GUILTY of horrible music taste. Unforgivable.

Drew Brees is Peddling Good, Wholesome, Nutritious B.S.

Ever heard of “multi-level marketing”? It’s when the sales force is not only compensated for sales, but also for the sales of the other folks they recruit. Amway is built on multi-level marketing, and so is AdvoCare, a company which utilizes several athlete endorsements and boasts a workforce of over 640,000 employees, none more central than Drew Brees. The issue: Many multi-level marketing business models straddle the line of a pyramid scheme, which is illegal. This breakdown reminded me of this incredible This American Life episode about a similar company. The odd thing about some of these companies is how they mimic, well, cults, and oftentimes have a strong religious component at its core, never mind the fact that IT’S A SCAM.

Also at its core is the fact the the vast majority of money comes from recruiting new members and not from selling the products. The sporting connection – AdvoCare really jumped on the athlete endorsement train early. My problem is that, unlike endorsing shoes or a soda, Brees lends his the face of something that misleads folks in a way that can have devastating financial results. Some of the more interesting nuggets below. – PAL

• When the economy collapsed, millions of Americans were either out of work or looking for extra cash; AdvoCare’s message — work from home, make more money, design your own life — glimmered like an oasis.

• The basic concept is that the distributor should deflect questions about the company by replying, “Well, I don’t know about (X), but what I do know is” — and then referencing specific athletes or doctors who have vouched for AdvoCare.

• Of AdvoCare’s 517,666 salespeople in 2014, only 0.54 percent made $10,000 from the company and just 0.06 percent exceeded $100,000.

Source: “Drew Brees Has A Dream He’d Like To Sell You”, Mina Kimes, ESPN (03/15/2016)

Undermining Corporate Bloat is Fun

Halfway through CBS’ bloated, 2-hour NCAA Tournament Selection show on Sunday night, a leaked, complete bracket began circulating on Twitter. Multiple coaches said that they learned their team’s fate from text messages and Twitter upwards of an hour before CBS officially announced the matchup on TV. Oh, the glory of the modern age. For kicks, here’s a look back at an article from 2014 (B123E – Before the 1-2-3 Sports Era) on how the NCAA is so gosh darn effective at preventing such a leak. It’s actually pretty intense, with the Selection Committee members being sequestered on one floor of a hotel for 5 days, with no cell phones, all meals served in a conference room, etc., and outsiders not allowed to enter that floor. -TOB

Source: “How the NCAA Prevents Bracket Details From Being Leaked Before the Selection Show Airs”, Jeff Eisenberg, Yahoo! Sports (03/12/2014)

Video of the Week

One hero recreates 13 iconic March Madness shots.

PAL Song of the Week: Crooked Fingers – “Went To The City”

Check out all of the weekly picks here. It’s like 100 million Shining Moments

My New Year’s resolution? Meet a loose woman.

-Dwight Schrute

Victoria: The Original Sports Catfish

Before “Catfishing” was a well-known term, before Manti Teo and his fake girlfriend, there was “Victoria”, likely the best student section prank in college basketball history. Cal student Steven Kenyon loved Cal basketball, and especially loved trying to get into opponents’ heads during games. Late in the 2006 season, with Cal needing to sweep UCLA and USC to close the season, Kenyon took things a step further. The week before the games, Kenyon created an AIM account – “SexyBruinBabe” – and instant messaged USC guard Gabe Pruitt (Kenyon had previously messaged UCLA guard Jordan Farmar, but was rebuffed). SexyBruinBabe, going by the name “Victoria” flirted with Pruitt, sending him pictures of a female Cal athlete, and asked if they could meet up when Pruitt and his teammates returned from their Bay Area road trip. Pruitt was quite eager, agreeing to meet with “Victoria” and giving her his cell phone number.

Kenyon distributed transcripts of the AIM conversation to the entire student section. The trap was set. Before the games, as the teams lined up for the National Anthem, students held up signs spelling C-A-L-L G-A-B-E, and listing his phone number. The students chanted “VICTORIA”. Immediately, Pruitt knew what had happened. Pruitt was rattled, went on to have a terrible game, and Cal emerged victorious. The “Victoria” prank is legendary among Cal fans. Now over ten years later, the main characters finally speak out – and it is a great read. -TOB

Source: “The Inside Story of Cal’s Catfishing Prank, Ten Years Later”, Jeff Eisenberg, Yahoo! Sports (03/03/2016)

PAL: Mr. Kenyon was a visionary – no doubt about it. What a perfectly executed prank. Let’s be honest and give Pruitt some leeway – there are more than a few among us who would’ve fallen for the same trap in 2006. Fun story that’s worth the read.

Bryce Harper and the Case Against Baseball’s Unwritten Rules

Man, Tim Keown always brings it. This time he tackles Bryce Harper, and it’s a great read. As Keown notes, many think Harper is a “douche”. Keown’s take? Nope. Harper is just really good, and he’s honest. There’s a lot of great stuff here (about Harper as a kid, coming up through the minors, and some great trash talk with a Giants fan during Game 4 of the 2014 NLDS, a game Phil and I attended).

But the most interesting part, especially in light of MLB Hall of Famer Goose Gossage railing against Jose Bautista this week for his bat toss in last year’s playoffs, is Harper’s vocal attempts to bring baseball into the 21st Century. Harper rails against the “unwritten rules”, and I could not agree more.

“Baseball’s tired,” he says. “It’s a tired sport, because you can’t express yourself. You can’t do what people in other sports do. I’m not saying baseball is, you know, boring or anything like that, but it’s the excitement of the young guys who are coming into the game now who have flair. If that’s Matt Harvey or Jacob deGrom or Manny Machado or Joc Pederson or Andrew McCutchen or Yasiel Puig — there’s so many guys in the game now who are so much fun. Jose Fernandez is a great example. Jose Fernandez will strike you out and stare you down into the dugout and pump his fist. And if you hit a homer and pimp it? He doesn’t care. Because you got him. That’s part of the game. It’s not the old feeling — hoorah … if you pimp a homer, I’m going to hit you right in the teeth. No. If a guy pimps a homer for a game-winning shot … I mean — sorry.” He stops, looks around. The hell with it, he’s all in. “If a guy pumps his fist at me on the mound, I’m going to go, ‘Yeah, you got me. Good for you. Hopefully I get you next time.’ That’s what makes the game fun.”

Preach, Bryce. -TOB

Source: “Sorry, Not Sorry”, Tim Keown, ESPN the Magazine (03/10/2016)

PAL: “Is false modesty any less distasteful than outward self-assurance?” Really interesting read that essentially comes down to that question. I find myself coming back to this internal tug-of-war when it comes to polarizing athletes. Why do I care if Harper is a d-bag? Why do I want this completely misguided assurance that I would like the guy when all I really want is to see great talents do their thing? For all I know, Hunter Pence could be a jerk to family and friends, but he’s the consummate team player, and that would be more than enough for me. The likable illusion still matters to me in most cases, and applying any logic to it falls apart in about five seconds. I think is has to do less with self-assurance and more to do with self-awareness. Russell Wilson is self-aware; Tim Lincecum (in his glory days) was self-assured.

A Mullet for All Seasons

We have two sports hair videos this week, and one sports hair story. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I’m borderline fascinated with athlete flair, and there’s no flair quite like sports hair. The MN high school BMOC’s – hockey players – lead off for us. Make sure to check out the video below.

“In all honesty, I was just looking for honorable mention and I got number two.” Humble words from a high school athlete participating in the legendary Minnesota State Hockey Tournament. Was he talking about his team’s finish? Nope – he’s talking about the ultimate honor – a place on All Minnesota Hockey Hair team. This now annual tradition (5 years running) has become legit viral now – so much so that there are stories being written about the players who find themselves featured in the video below. There are so many great nuggets written by my college buddy Louie Opatz, but my favorite detail of them all is this: “Jones had received a pregame haircut from Roxie at Wal-Mart’s SmartStyle Hair Salon that the senior described as, ‘a Vanilla Ice/Kenny Powers look — something crazy.'”

Let’s get Minnesota with it.

Source: “Jones just goes with the flow“, Louie Opatz, Litchfield Independent Review (3/9/16)

Now let’s move to another sport that attracts odd-balls: College Wrassling (not wrestling). There is nothing I can write that is better than what Big 10 Champ, Sammy Brooks (god, what a perfect name) says, so let’s just get to it:

“I think these fans just respond really well to a good haircut, so that’s what I was working on coming in here, making sure I had it fluffed and feathered the right way. I think the fans saw my hard work.

“I gain trust every time my hair grows a little more, and a little more I trust in myself and my mullet, so it’s a process, you know. You can’t grow a great mullet in a day. You can’t win a Big Ten title in a day.”

For cryin’ out loud, check out his video below, too, would ya? – PAL

Source: “Iowa Wrestler Only Talks About His Mullet After Winning A Match“, Samer Kalef, Deadspin (3/7/16)

It’s Back: Hockey Hair 2016.

Yessssssss. You know it, you love it. Enjoy the 2016 edition of the Minnesota State High School All-Hockey Hair Team. Though it’s a video, it deserves its own post. -TOB

Video of the Week

PAL Song of the Week: Little Barrie – “Better Call Saul Main Title Theme”

Check out all of our weekly picks right here:

You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.

–Vizzini